How can I deal with undiagnosed, unrecognized, likely dementia?

@sunnygardens
I started a journal, writing down all the behaviors that were 'off', and share a summary with his Neuro doc each year.
Since you are there, you see things others don't who don't have as much contact, so your notes could prove very valuable.
Good luck!

@sunnygardens No you are not loopy! You are trusting your gut, and seeing firsthand a friend/roommate mentally deteriorating. And trying to analyze if it's just age related and/or memory loss. It's a lot to take in, I know how I felt when I first was confronted with it. And I knew immediately what to do.
I'll share one thing: once you're around it, and see it, you'll even pick it up with other people. I recently had to change my periodontist, who is still practicing with what appears to be Alzheimers. I won't go into what happened in his office, but it was enough for me to ask his practice if I could have the other person in his practice handle the problems I was having with an implant crown. After that day, I changed to the other periodontist, because he can't see that it's time to retire, and his office doesn't know how to handle what's going on with his memory loss and overall agitation. People are in denial over this disease, and it's really sad.
Best, Karla

@kjc48
When I told my friends that I had early onset of Alzheimer’s I was picky who I told. Told my clergy
2 friends that don’t talk
and family told them don’t say anything to anyone.
Hope that helps
If he has a friend that does not talk spread news
and won’t leave.
I didn’t want it spread all over the place

@joycel10 I totally agree; that's why I suggeseted to the person who posted and called out for help, not to say anything. It's up close and personal and more dignified to just not say anything unless the person that has onset Alzheimer's wants it shared. Thank you for your post. Every post of this site is so valuable.
Best, Karla

@judimahoney thanks! I’ve been keeping a journal about this for almost a year, even though I hate journaling. Partly to confirm whether or not changes have happened, and partly as records for the doctors (if we ever see one).

It sounds as if, after being a home aide, you don't want the responsibility of what is to come. That is understandable. I have been in the same situation.

It is understandable you want some definition to your future. Sitting on the fence is so stressful. It helps tremendously with major depressive disorder or anxiety disorders to have a feel for where life is going to take you.

You are obviously a very caring person. It seems you have had enough of caring for others, probably all your life. But at some point you have to say: "Now I need to care for myself; I need to put me first". Especially if you are dealing with someone with dementia.

It isn't selfish: if you don't take care of you first, you really cannot stay above water on the depression end or take care of someone else. Your health will begin to fail at some juncture.

I suggest you contact the local Area Agency on Aging. They will help you make a plan for this person, thereby helping yourself. They have contacts with social workers who specialize in your issue with your friend and they will be able to help you make a plan for your future.

Don't feel guilty if you just don't want to be a caregiver to anyone but yourself at this stage in your life. I had to do the same thing: survive with major depression and anxiety disorders. I had to bail out of a close relationship because I saw problems coming. Since I made changes for ME life has begun to be much brighter. I do help my friend, but at a distance and not living with the friend helps me be able to manage what time I take from my time to help. You need to become less available to the person, somehow.

At some point you will either have to commit to this person's care close up and personal or find someone who will help you out and perhaps figure out a plan to do it from a distance.

Good luck for the future. Don't neglect yourself.

@sunnygardens
We've been waiting SO long to see a Neurologist. Our current diagnosis is from a Neuropsychologist.
My husband got worse on 2 meds we tried, that you are supposed to start early on in the diagnosis. So, we may have missed a window of opportunity.
I sure hope things go well for you. 🌻

@sunnygardens Ps, Sunny, what a great name! Brightens our soul!
Best, Karla

With denial, there is a short conscious recognition of a problem, which is then relegated to the unconscious where it won't bother us - we hope. There's something wrong here, and I am not going to deal with it-until there are some kind of symptoms, and a good therapist or spouse can dig it out of my unconscious, lay it on the table, and cure my neurotic complex. A defense mechanism.
With dementia, the same brain that is losing analyzing functioning, is also losing the ability to "analyze itself, " like the Zen koan how can your eye see itself? or point to your right hand index finger with your right hand index finger.
In short, the dementia brain doesn't even know there is anything to defend against, put into the unconscious, or deny.
What's the problem with putting the container of milk in the dishwasher? I didn't do that. Ya wanna fight about it?
It's so sad.

@judimahoney I’m sorry to hear about your wait and the medication failure. What a terribly stressful and disappointing time for you!
As I’ve been advised, I will remind you: take care of yourself! 🌷