How do you manage the profound loneliness of caregiving?

@kjc48 - I'm not sure that putting it in perspective by comparing hair loss to AD would be helpful for me. I lost about half my hair during menopause, and it rocked my confidence - I had fabulous chestnut colored hair. I'm not necessarily a vain person, but a woman's hair is like her crowning glory. I've learned to love my much thinner, shiny silver hair - I'm not sure I could take losing more. I know that sounds shallow, but we give up so much during this journey, I'm not gonna give up any more strands without a fight. 🙂

@kjc48 - I'm not sure that putting it in perspective by comparing hair loss to AD would be helpful for me. I lost about half my hair during menopause, and it rocked my confidence - I had fabulous chestnut colored hair. I'm not necessarily a vain person, but a woman's hair is like her crowning glory. I've learned to love my much thinner, shiny silver hair - I'm not sure I could take losing more. I know that sounds shallow, but we give up so much during this journey, I'm not gonna give up any more strands without a fight. 🙂

I can’t thank you all enough for sharing in the posts. I am the caregiver for my husband of 37 years. He is still in early dementia, but is developing more symptoms fairly fast. Has meltdowns, morning fog, has lost all his ability to deal with technology. It was first evident as he began losing his executive ability and ability to reason through problems. This is a man who was a city administrator for many years. I was drawn to this thread because of the title-“loneliness”. I am a bit depressed and feeling overwhelmed. The future worries me. I have my own health problems. Thankfully our daughters are very supportive but do not live near. Well, this is a familiar story, I would imagine. Your posts nourish me.

@ocdogmom
This. Just what you said! The loneliness of decision-making, from the large ones (financial etc) to the small ones “What’s for dinner tonight?”). It does get tedious, frustrating and very very sad. It’s been gradual with me…at first just double checking to see if bills were paid, then paying a few that fell through the cracks, and now, I’m on a first name basis with our lawyer, our financial people etc. My husband recently opened a JCPenney credit card so he could get a discount on some clothes he purchased. The bill just came and it was for $2.98. Why not forget about the discount and just use one of the two main credit cards he carries? We did not need another card. I feel like the boy who put his finger in the dike on some days. Put out one small leak and another couple start up. And I know he is scared, frustrated etc. He ran his own company and now has to depend on me for things he would have handled easily. You are wise to journal and talk out loud! (I talk to the dogs, who are very excellent listeners!). I remember when my dad died of a heart attack, his doctor saying “don’t ever keep it all inside”. (And that is why I am here, every day, reading, sometimes commenting, but always lurking. Thank you all!

@cyds I can relate to your attitude of hair loss. I too had beautiful hair then 5 years ago my hair started thinning and then falling out at the crown. My PCP says it’s Alopecia,
Stress with coping with a spouse with moderate late stage Alzheimer’s with Vascular dementia who denies having an issues. For the 14 years it’s been one issue after another, this is the greatest challenge of our 46 years together.

@2me It's not funny but I did chuckle. $2.98 on the credit card that oh by the way he definitely didn't need. Best, Karla

I can’t thank you all enough for sharing in the posts. I am the caregiver for my husband of 37 years. He is still in early dementia, but is developing more symptoms fairly fast. Has meltdowns, morning fog, has lost all his ability to deal with technology. It was first evident as he began losing his executive ability and ability to reason through problems. This is a man who was a city administrator for many years. I was drawn to this thread because of the title-“loneliness”. I am a bit depressed and feeling overwhelmed. The future worries me. I have my own health problems. Thankfully our daughters are very supportive but do not live near. Well, this is a familiar story, I would imagine. Your posts nourish me.

@shewhowatches1 I know it is not easy. My mom and dad had moved to where my husband and I lived. My mom died at age 55. My dad decided he wanted to move back to Houston. My sister lived there but Houston is not good in many ways. I got him to come to where I lived in a visit. I knew when I talked to him on the phone he was having issues. So he came and stayed with me for awhile. He ended up in assisted living. I would visit him often and would take him out with me. It was not easy. His mother had dementia. I learned a few things along that journey with my dad. I would visit him and we would sit on the couch together. He would say to me, hey renie (that was my nickname) you see those guys over there. There were no guys but I said yeah what's up with that. He said that they were trying to figure out how they were gonna beat him up. I learned never to tell him no to those things. But here is what I said. No way dad you are the good guy is it okay if I take care of that for you. And he said yes. Sometimes I could change the subject and that was also good. I just decided to handle it in certain ways and it worked for me. Staying calm and talking calm instead of denying those things that are said worked for me. I got my dad a phone and I put my number my sisters number and my brothers number and all he had to do was push the button and he could call us. One day he called me up and said there is a nice young man that is coming to see me and I think he wants to put me in the big house. I had to think quick on that one. It was a Dr. who over saw his medications. I said dad, no one is coming to put you in the big house. The Dr. just wants to check you out. No big deal. He accepted that. It may not work with everyone but those kinds of things worked for me. My dad had been in the military and he said hey do you see all those ships over there? I said they are fine looking ships and that was it. Sometimes changing the subject works. I know some people are not the same with dementia. I know it's not easy. What about a group of people that get together and share information about the things they go through? I like Mayo and I like to share anything that I think will be helpful. It may not work for everyone. But sometimes things are worth trying. Everyone is certainly different. @rnlorena