Orders me around
My husband has CAA, osteoporosis so that his back is bent over, poor balance, he shuffles when he walks, and is hard of hearing.
I work full time from our house. I still have to work because of some bad financial decisions he made prior to when I took his credit cards.
My post tonight is about how my husband orders me to do things for him. He is constantly messing up his phone and his apps, and I have to fix them. ( he used to handle all our IT stuff.)
Tonight - after a particularly trying day- when I did more for him than usual- when he was going to bed he ordered me to fix his XYZ app. I said that I had been working on it since yesterday. He then said, in a very condescending tone, that I better work on it in the morning. That really got my goat and I had a hard time not reacting.
He also tells me often: you need to…
He orders me to get his ice tea, get his slippers, take the dog out, and other daily stuff. He can do some of it- but does not want to.
If I do not get his drink, he will go without. I would live with that except he needs to drink more water.
He does not cook or do any kitchen chores. I cook and when I get dinner on the table he starts to eat without me. At the end of a long day, if he asks me if I did X and I did not, he gives me unsolicited advice on what I am doing wrong.
It would be nice to get a please every once in a while. When things escalate because I am not doing enough, or if I push back, he gets mad, yells, threatens to divorce me and move out.
I cannot take that, so I keep enabling him. Partly because his balance is so bad and he gets so tired- I am scared he will fall.
I am mostly venting tonight because I am exhausted. Thank you for letting me have this space.
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@kjc48 Karla, Thanks so much for this, and I appreciate ANY dinner tips you’d like to share! We do take advantage of rotisserie chickens, and I know they are higher in sodium so not too often. We pair them with a big salad, and still have leftovers! And I do hear you on the tech part…so sorry you were hacked. That’s my greatest fear, also. Thanks to advice from someone on here, reminding me what I already knew, we did freeze our credit, to that is one thing I feel good about. And how nice that you got such a wonderful message on your Mother’s Day card! Take good care. I’m off to jot down the Chicken Parm suggestion.😊
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1 Reaction@2me I know you know this......non seasoned chickens, I find from Sprouts are low in sodium. or take chicken breasts, with skin on, salt pepper them with olive oil on top. Bake 35 minutes and bring out. The white meat will be tender, you can alter the amount of salt (Ina Garten does them this way). Also with the chicken, you can make broccoli and swiss cheese stuffed chicken:
Pound 2 (makes four( chicken breasts thin, coat both sides in 1/2 cup Italian Style breadcrumbs and 1/3 Parmesan cheese, ,add one slice of swiss to the chicken (I use ultra thin) then some pieces of frozen broccoli. Roll them, put them in Italian breadcrumb mixture. Add the rolls to baking dish, one piece of butter on the chicken, thin slices of swiss-cheese on the top, and bake for 50 minutes. These are delicious, and good for you protein, you can modify the amount of swiss you use. Don't like swiss, use the ultra thin; it's delish. Then I take boxed chicken low sodium gravy. and douse it when I serve it.
Best, Karla (PS, I won't give out anymore recipes unless our caregiver community wants them). I know this site is for far more than a recipe, but meal planning is such a big, time consuming thing for us caregivers dealing with what to make and whether they will eat it!
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4 Reactions@kjc48 Yes, meal planning and prepping is a big deal, and I appreciate these tips! We like chicken and eat it often. I was at Sprouts while visiting my son when he lived in AZ, and wish we had one near us here. I’m sure some of the prep can be done ahead of time, and refrigerated. Thank you again!
@2me I promised no more recipes, BUT tonight my husband who may not remember his phone, wallet, et al, sure remembered by Baby Back Ribs: remove underside silver skin, as you know!, dust them with rib rack barbecue rub, heavy duty foil them, cook on baking sheet at 300 degrees for 3 hours and 15 minutes). Then barbecue sauce them and caramelize under broiler two or 3 minutes. This one's a keeper in your caregiver's repertoire too! Once they go in the oven, you don't have to deal with them for a few hours. Anything to take the pressure off of all the things we have to do in one day. Guaranteed for the pickiest eater. Best, Karla
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2 Reactions@kjc48 oooh that sounds good! Thanks again, Karla!
…and how nice your husband remembered them. ♥️
@2me this disease to me, is really strange. How they remember one thing, and not the next. Enjoy! Karla
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1 Reaction@kjc48 I was just explaining that exact thing to one of my husband’s doctors. I am constantly surprised by what my husband remembers, what he forgets and how his cognitive abilities are so impaired in some areas and ok in others.
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3 ReactionsThat is my husband. I am lucky as I don't have to work. Makes me so tired. He always tells me that I mean to him. It takes a lot to keep quiet. He has Alzheimer's.
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2 ReactionsHe is very sick. He needs a Psychiatrist' help. Yelling and screaming at a loving caregiver wife is unacceptable.
My 81 yr old husband is my only caregiver. If I yelled at him for any reason, he will throw me out. He is under tremendous stress. He is doing everything that I used to do. I am totally dependent upon him.
VJ
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