Likely our last vacation….

I'm so sorry that your husband is having such problems! That's too bad. He would probably feel better being at home where things are normal and natural for him and he can find the bathroom. When someone is ill like your husband they are frightened because things are wrong with their bodies and they can't fix them. Perhaps you should cut your vacation short and just go home. Being together and loving one another is much more important than being on vacation even if it is Paris. At least you were there together. So now you can be at home and be happy together. Enjoy each moment you have together. It's often too soon that one is left behind. I know because my husband died of lung cancer in 2024. But we had 30 wonderful years together and I'm so grateful for that.
Ask God for help during this difficult time. He will be there for you. I'll say a prayer for you also.
I wish you the best.
PML

I think the hardest part here is trying to figure out what to do, where to go, how much time you have left to go when your husband or wife is "gone" and then sometimes "here". It makes what's was normal, not normal, and you're left trying to figure out life the way you knew it, still want it, but can't do it, because it's no longer the normal you both had. Only you can decide if he can handle the remainder of Paris. If not, lovingly take him home. Best, Karla

My husband and I enjoyed Paris together twice. Looking back, he had MCI during our last trip. We kept it simple.
We stayed in a small air BnB and it was like we lived there. I walked to the little patisserie in the morning and we had coffee and pastries together with eggs. Then we would walk everywhere. He could walk then. Now he still walks but with a slower gate and some imbalance and pain.
Then we went to our favorite museum the D’Orse and he wore his bright green shoes so I could easily spot him if he walked away.
And we would stop at the cafes for a glass of wine and dinner.
We could not do that now.
If you can simplify your time there with no expectations I hope you can enjoy your last days peacefully but if going home brings more peace of mind, I am sorry- another moment of loss and grief but at least you tried.
Bless you. I feel you heart. We loved Paris.
My next trip there will be with my college bound granddaughters next year- I’m taking them to London and Paris and hoping my husband will be ok ( he is now on his 5th week in Memory Care.)
We are done traveling together. Now I’ll be happy if I can take him out to dinner or for an evening of music in our CCRC. I move there in August.

I am sorry that your “vacation” is not going according to what you envisioned for the two of you! I haven’t been to Paris, but have heard that it is lovely. I am in the camp “of no more vacations” with my husband, I would love to experience travel with him like we used to, but bringing him and “the disease” would just be too much work for me and no vacation at all, sadly. My husband reminisces occasionally about trips that we have taken in years past, or will see something on TV and comment on how he would like to go there someday. He sometimes thinks that we should plan a trip, but I know that traveling to a friends house (2 hours away) for a one night visit is getting too challenging for him, so there is no way I am tackling a busy airport with him and juggling all of his and my things solo. He also naps 3 hours every afternoon, so there wouldn’t be much time to see and do anything even if I could somehow teleport him to a different location. I suppose I would be making memories, but he would not remember them and there is just something sad and pointless about that for me.
Sadly, this dementia disease never takes a day off even though some days are better than others, I haven’t found a way to really get a break from the dementia, except to take time away for myself. This has helped me, but requires a lot of help from others to ensure there is someone to stay with him, pre-planning all the meals and medications in advance, and then I still have concerns while I am away, keeping in contact with him and the covering caregiver to be sure all is going well or dealing with questions or concerns. I have been able to do this and found that getting away on my own once or twice a year does help me and my mental outlook as well as give me something to look forward to. Is it as good as having a healthy spouse to travel with and share the experience? Not at all, but it does allow me to do some traveling/visiting and is helping me right now.
I hope that your time in Paris improves and that you are able to enjoy the time there if you decide to stay. Perhaps there are some activities that you can do together that will be enjoyable for both of you? If it makes him more comfortable thinking you are there for work, it may be better to just let him think that, and then you can see if he wants to “help” you with some of the “work” activities that you need to do (aka seeing and doing things you would like to do). I have found that trying to correct my husbands misconceptions only causes upset and escalates things, so I have been going with agreeing most of the time unless there is a health or safety issue from his misconception. I suppose you actually are “working” (aka taking care of him) so it’s not a total misrepresentation😃. Safe travels and best wishes that your trip is enjoyable!

Traveling is getting frustrating and challenging, making it not as pleasurable.
I haven't looked deeply into this yet, but typed in, 'Dementia Travel' on the internet and would be intrigued to try that route and see what supports they offer to make travel more enjoyable.
Bon chance!

We too are not traveling anymore. Fall of 2024 was our last trip involving flying. It was to attend his 60th high school reunion in Carlsbad, New Mexico. We live in Southern California. This trip was the morning after my son's wedding and involved getting up and to the airport by 6:00am for a 7:30 flight to Phoenix, changing planes-pushing the wheelchair with my husband and two carry-on bags to the next gate, almost missing our flight if not for the help of an airport cart driver and then when in Phoenix taking the shuttle bus to the car rental office, losing his CPAP machine in the process then driving for 5 1/2 hours to Carlsbad to arrive just as the reunion dinner was starting. I knew it would be a challenge for me, I am a small person-4"11 and was already exhausted from getting him to the wedding the night before but this would likely be the last time he would see and interact with his childhood and high school friends. He really enjoyed it (my reward) and his friends were so happy to see him as they knew he had just completed his chemo for Lymphoma was very weak. He is physically stronger now but mentally worse. I think the chemo and its side effects pushed him further down the dementia path. His friends thought that getting him there was somehow heroic on my part. I don't see it that way. "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails" From Corinthians. And I truly love this man. My next challenge is our daughter's wedding in September. It involves a 6 hour drive to Mammoth Lakes, California. Fortunately I will have our live-in caregiver with us to help me drive and care for Ron. I am praying that his dementia will not progress too much and he will be physically able to walk her down the aisle with me and have that special father- daughter dance. One day at a time and every day with him now is a gift.

@ocdogmom
We have decided to go home early. We’ll take the train to Lourdes for a couple of days, then back to Paris for one night. This has turned into an extremely expensive vacation. No more…. If we can’t drive there, we don’t go. I’m not a fan if traveling, so this is not such a bad option. I hated going for business.

Just a quick rundown of last night… we talked (argued) until 5am. I fell asleep until 8am… when Isaac fingered me in the back and insisted we get ready to meet his sister… who is on her way home to Paris today. No plans to meet up until next week. He insists that I slept through the night while he lay awake and that is somehow my fault.

This is something very new. He’s angry with me sometimes, especially this morning. In a movement of anger he told me that he loved me (past tense). When I asked “no more?” He stated “how can I?” He is back to himself somewhat with no memory of last night or the comment this morning. We seriously need to get back to our routine… for me more than him….

@cyds moment not movement

@maryvc the shoes are a great idea! I bet he looked dashing ❤️

I just held on to his hand while we’re out.

Enjoy your trip with your granddaughter. Sounds lovely,

@cyds
I am so sorry that you are experiencing these changes in your husband's behavior. It is heartbreaking to see him change right in front of your eyes and it's hard to remember in the moment that it is the disease that is causing him to be angry and blame you for what he thinks is the problem. His brain is failing to allow him to comprehend reality and remember what has been said. Getting back to your familiar surroundings will help both of you even if he takes a few days to adjust, it will be familiar to him. This is really a challenge for us spouses/caregivers. It's like you planned to go on a trip to a beautiful place like Italy but got off the plane and you were in Sweden. Not what you had imagined nor were prepared for. So what you need is a map/guide of this new place to help you navigate this unknown land. I urge you to learn as much as you can about dementia so that you will be informed about what is likely to happen in the future and most importantly in my opinion, how to deal with your feelings and take care of yourself. Good luck!