Adult Grandchildren ungrateful or what?

I’m sorry this has happened to you. Let me say that has happened to many of us. They go their own way. Grandchildren don’t seem to care about grandparents. We were so good to ours, treated them well and the parents started turning them away from us. The children moved away with their parents and we don’t see them. It’s awful we send gifts but that is going to stop!!! They are not going to change! It’s sad!!

Only my opinion follows:

I look at the fact none of us can control the lives of others, no matter how much some may want (or wish) to. I choose to be thankful for any time I can interact with any of my family members in any manner.

Some of our grandchildren (I'll never be lucky enough to witness any great-grandchildren) don't write thank you notes, but I don't hold it against them or their parents. Holding a grudge against them for some perceived slight can grow in us, build walls, and compound ill will and hurt.

Life is different now. The demands, pressures, interests, and more on younger members of society are far different than when I was young. Growing up my grandparents lived on our street. Now our children and grandchildren live many states away.

I'm thankful I can focus on what I do have rather than what I think I deserve.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

First let me say that I do not have any grandchildren, so I have not experienced what so many grandparents have. Therefore, I have no way of knowing or understanding the hurt and pain that many grandparents feel. I agree that it's best to be thankful for whatever interactions grandparents may be able to have with their grandchildren and not hold grudges. But I am sure that, in many cases, that's easier said than done. So, people do the best they can. I also agree that this is a new generation and times, demands, pressures, and interests have changed. But with that being said...gratefulness, respect, and manners have not changed. They remain the same, even if people nowadays do not honor them. (Just an opinion from a non-grandparent.)

Thank you, Scott! I needed that!
Becky

I have/had the same problem many of you experience with their grandkids, and had decided to stop sending gift and even cards to some of them because I hadn’t received a Thank You several times in a row.
Then one of the counselors chimed in.
She said that she too decided not to send gifts anymore, but she always let them know that she wished them well, that she remembered their special occasion, and that she loved them.
Think she sent cards, by slow mail or online.

I do believe in leaving the door open, and her comment made sense to me.
We may not understand the kid’s problems today, but everyone needs love. Let’s keep being kind! It may make a difference.

What I perceive here is case of enabling bad behavior to which we all have done at some time or another.

I believe you perhaps bear some responsibility for enabling your adult grandchildren's ingratitude, considering they comprehend social norms and are accountable for their behavior, yet fail to express gratitude despite your consistent gift-giving?

You are put in a very difficult position of having to make a heart breaking decision to disengage from grandchildren who offer little to no acknowledgement of your existence in their lives.

You had hopes to foster relationships staying in touch through the giving of occasional gifts and outreaches through their parents.
However not receiving feedback from them has left you hurt to the point of becoming ill.

At the end of the day, you cannot buy love as it must be given, reciprocated and appreciated freely from the inner soul. "Love others as you love yourself."

There is a saying my husband and I apply to help us remain balanced when dealing with family and friend relationships, " Your good intentions aren't always good."

Basically, we Read the fruits that are being demonstrated by others words, deeds, and behaviors towards us.

If we treat family or friends like we wanna be treated and they reject and disrespect our good intentions we guard our hearts and love them from a distance.

We will not be enablers of bad behaviors understanding good intentions are not always good.

We will not allow our health, happiness, peace and well-being to be jeopardized by living our lives through others acceptance or non acceptance.

As we age we are grateful to God that we can be happy eating, drinking, and being happy with each other and share time with those who want to share time with us. 🍗🥃💃

We ain't got no time for toxic relationships. 🤨 Life is moving fast and we want to make each loving moment last.

You do good to move on and enjoy your life on your terms and not others. Live, Love, and Laugh.🌹🥂🙌

I bid you peace.🕊️

Let's not use strong words here like "fault" and "should" if you don't know the whole story, please. Oh, I HAVE talked to him...many times! And he has talked to his kids many times. They were rather young and didn't live with him after the divorce; he did see them a lot, but there were other influences in their lives that were not, shall we say, interested in having those children have a good relationship with my side of the family. I think there was an unnecessary pulling of those kids away...I believe my son did as much as he could given his situation.

I apologize for the comment. I don't know the whole story. I just get tired of children these days taking advantage of parents and grandparents. I see it all the time with some of my friends.

@linda6491 its definitely tough now days I’m dealing with a failed back surgery due to a screw coming loose, and a 17 going on 18 next month teenager we adopted almost 10 years ago. Knowing I need help he’ll tell me I’ll help if I feel like it! Won’t pick up after himself , has no respect for anything ! Doesn’t want to do his schoolwork, thinks he knows everything!

It’s funny how us older people…60’s and up all seem to basically feel the same regarding both our grown children and our over 19 years old grandchildren. We were automatically back in the 50’s and 60’s polite and respectful. And were appreciative of gifts and responded lovingly. These other generations are self absorbed and I believe that growing up with so much social media kept them from enjoying the real fun, games, playing together, etc., and we were happier with simple things. They are far more advanced than we ever were too. But family’s are much more fragmented…”fractured fairy tales!” My whole family has many divorces, cheating, and I am divorced twice and am 71. This also adds to more dysfunctional situations. I literally thought that Leave It To Beaver was how people really were. But after high school, I saw the world differently and still can’t understand the way families break apart and friendships go astray. I am not saying we had it totally perfect in the ole days, but we had a much better life, and families were tight. Now everyone does their own thing. I also get very hurt. I lived my life to please everyone, yet I am the one least cared about! I’m learning to trust God more, and not rely on my feelings, but do and give what I can for His sake. But I slowly realized my family’s are dysfunctional, my friends suffer the same way. We wonder, what did we do wrong! Did we over cater to them and spoil them too much and that’s why they treat us differently. We treated our elders with dignity .Just have to give from our hearts and let go of hoping they will see the light and not expect anything in return. Thank you all for sharing, blessings to all!