Adult Grandchildren ungrateful or what?

We have 3 granddaughters, 5-19, and 3 grandsons, 8-16. We live within 40 miles of each other, and have always tried to support the grandchildren in sports, birthdays, holidays, etc.

My husband used to fly fish and golf with my sons. We love them dearly but they don’t stay in touch with their Dad much anymore, he’s 67 and physically fit! Recently, my husband said he’s becoming disenchanted with being a grandparent because the gr. sons don’t seem excited to see him anymore. It concerns me because he used to enjoy them so much and is such a good G. He said more than once he’s beginning to feel disrespected unless he spends money on them. I’ve tried to get him to understand the gr. kiddos are growing up, and our sons have friends to golf with.

We are retired, my husband sub-contracts occasionally, we do have a few social friends, I do volunteer and belong to a good church. Socially and in this political climate, good friends are hard to find, and if you’ve got a good family, cherish them.

Perhaps it’s time for G and Nana to travel and focus on one another?

Does anyone else feel this disconnect?

I will be, as per usual, the dissenting voice. Yes, you are being unreasonable. Gifts should be given free of any expectation. You actually set yourself up for failure by giving a gift and knowing that it would not be acknowledged. And you sought justification and received it from many on this post. I am pretty sure that in the long run none of these responses will solve the core issue.

The only thing you can control in this situation is how you react to it. Let it go and focus your energy elsewhere.
Best always,
s!

Dear Scottij.,
You only know part of the story. Usually, I don't expect a "thanks" at every turn like with Samaritan's Purse and other charities I give to but they do send a receipt and thank you. This is my first grandchild I am putting out tuition for so it is a lesson and an outcome I was not prepared for. This is the grandchild that lived with us and I helped raise 5 1/2 years, got up early before going to work and fed so mom could sleep in, paid their bills, volunteered in his class, went on field trips, bought clothes for, gave money for a down payment on his parents' house and believe me the list is so much longer. He also told me that because I don't text or call a lot, I am not part of his life. His mom has caused me to pull back by insulting me, screaming at me and not talking to me for a year. He now lives east coast and I am west. This really sticks in my craw... I gave them $250.00 for senior pictures, picked out one I'd like and didn't even get a wallet pic. but the grandma that didn't pay got pics. Drove to Phoenix to watch his hockey game and he didn't spend 3 minutes with us. I was raised by WWII parents of the Depression, My dad served on Iwo and my mom, a nurse, told me she had 2 dresses for a week of school. They knew and practiced gratitude despite their upbringing and the harsh times. Yes, I will move on and hope the value of caring, gratitude and thoughtfulness will be instilled in the other 4 by their parents and me. Grandma's love language is gift giving so it is hard to reverse and I try providing requests ( like pics)when asked and more. I try being at special events in their lives. Just watched my daughter become a colonel and my oldest granddaughter get her USAF pilot wings. So it is just not gifts. The Bible recognizes gratitude as a value because it is uplifting and goes along with caring. It is also encouraging and a positive reinforcer. Does the word "thanks" have meaning to me? Sorry but hell "yes!" After my first husband died I only wanted to make sure I was there for my kids and grandkids. I wanted my family to be close. What are we going to value in relationships .... being there for one another, caring, supporting? Are we missing the boat? I will never throw gratitude out of my value window so I will experience some disappointment.

Feel better?

Dear Scottij.,
You only know part of the story. Usually, I don't expect a "thanks" at every turn like with Samaritan's Purse and other charities I give to but they do send a receipt and thank you. This is my first grandchild I am putting out tuition for so it is a lesson and an outcome I was not prepared for. This is the grandchild that lived with us and I helped raise 5 1/2 years, got up early before going to work and fed so mom could sleep in, paid their bills, volunteered in his class, went on field trips, bought clothes for, gave money for a down payment on his parents' house and believe me the list is so much longer. He also told me that because I don't text or call a lot, I am not part of his life. His mom has caused me to pull back by insulting me, screaming at me and not talking to me for a year. He now lives east coast and I am west. This really sticks in my craw... I gave them $250.00 for senior pictures, picked out one I'd like and didn't even get a wallet pic. but the grandma that didn't pay got pics. Drove to Phoenix to watch his hockey game and he didn't spend 3 minutes with us. I was raised by WWII parents of the Depression, My dad served on Iwo and my mom, a nurse, told me she had 2 dresses for a week of school. They knew and practiced gratitude despite their upbringing and the harsh times. Yes, I will move on and hope the value of caring, gratitude and thoughtfulness will be instilled in the other 4 by their parents and me. Grandma's love language is gift giving so it is hard to reverse and I try providing requests ( like pics)when asked and more. I try being at special events in their lives. Just watched my daughter become a colonel and my oldest granddaughter get her USAF pilot wings. So it is just not gifts. The Bible recognizes gratitude as a value because it is uplifting and goes along with caring. It is also encouraging and a positive reinforcer. Does the word "thanks" have meaning to me? Sorry but hell "yes!" After my first husband died I only wanted to make sure I was there for my kids and grandkids. I wanted my family to be close. What are we going to value in relationships .... being there for one another, caring, supporting? Are we missing the boat? I will never throw gratitude out of my value window so I will experience some disappointment.

@judyl48 I also am a "giver" and notice the absence and lack of gratitude. And I wonder...is a simple "thank you" too much to expect? We were taught to send thank you notes or cards for any gift or kindness shown to us, but times seem to have changed. Nevertheless, like you, I continue to give and am grateful that I was brought up to show gratitude.

It seems to be a different world. I got a text "thank you" for the wedding gift I gave my grandson. I guess I should be thankful I even got that, huh?

@mikaylar

It might be fine for others, but for me, personally, I wouldn't send a text "thank you" for a wedding gift. But that's just me.

And, yes, this is a different world. But I prefer the way the world used to be. Unfortunately, we can't go back. 😒

Hi my44,
I agree with you. I prefer the way the world used to be also. Maybe we can't go back but we can continue to act politely like we were taught when we were growing up. Maybe it will rub off on some. However, it still is not a nice world anymore. I wish it was!
PML