My wife's dementia: Should I encourage her to help with chores?

You might encourage her to do whatever is safe for her to do. Other than folding laundry which can be rewarding, or vacuuming, or scrubbing floors might be best if you could work with her. Don't worry about perfect execution though--no corrections though or chiding. What do you think she'd be interested in doing.

I do the vacuuming, and floor scrubbing, she does the cloths folding. One of her favorite 'toys' is the dishwasher, she washes need be or not, sometime with soap! We start the day with a two mile walk, arm in arm, I then fix breakfast, lunch and dinner (a lot of eating out or fast food.) Life is a challenge, but I owe it to her, she stood by me thru some tough times, always held me tight but never down.Not many marriages survive undercover and SWAT. Raised two children daughter MBA, son MD & PhD Mayo Clinic.

Hello:
I also do most of the chores, although my husband is capable of doing most everything still. If it's time to clean the house I usually have to re-do what he's done.
One thing I learned from a class I took, is do not do for them what they can do for themselves (even if they need guidance), because 'learned helplessness' can set in and get worse and worse till they're doing nothing. Keeping them engaged is a challenge but important so they don't deteriorate faster.
All the best to you. 🌺

You can always ask her but I know my Mom had difficulty with questions and choices. I just let her do what she wanted to and what she could then I'd re-do as needed. I also found tasks that I could give her to help me out even if it wasn't really needed. It gave her a sense of purpose being able to help.

@judimahoney Sounds like you have some great ideas, thank you so much for your suggestions. Please keep in touch.

@muniemunis you'll notice I removed your personal email. Connect is a public forum. We recommend sharing personal contact information using the secure private message function. I might also add that by sharing here in the forum, you are connecting with several people where all can benefit from group support.

I’d like to underline the benefit of sharing in the group discussions. By posting in the discussions in the Caregivers: Dementia group you benefit from the knowledge and experience of many members.

I agree about "learned helplessness" my mother used to "baby my brother" and after she died, I was his caregiver and I would tell him to make his breakfast, and he did. Also brought tears to my eyes one day I was so tired, I put the kettle on for tea and sat in the living room, when it started to whistle, I said to him I was too tired. I said I wished he could make me the tea. He silently got up and went into kitchen....I heard dishes and spoon noises....and then he brought the tea to me in the living room, it still makes me start to cry to remember how much more he could have done, if taught and not babied.

do not do for them what they can do for themselves (even if they need guidance), because 'learned helplessness' can set in and get worse and worse till they're doing nothing. Keeping them engaged is a challenge but important so they don't deteriorate faster.

@muniemunis I'm attending a support group Wednesday at 3:00 PM Grandview Terris.

I will be there Wednesday Grandview Terris @ 3PM

My husband's memory off and on too, But I encourage him helping. He wants to the dishes, more so than dry, so I let him. I often have to wash a few dishes over again. He puts thing in the kitchen away in the wrong place. I'm familiar with those places now, so I just go in and put them back where they belong. I have someone who comes in and cleans the house. So he doesn't do that. But if I ask him he will vaccuum. I just have to remind him where the vacuum is. I believe we should encourage them to do as long as they can. It's the dignified way, to show we love, appreciate, and support them, and still "hold onto" them, as an independent person, even though their memory, and the things they are capable of doing, may be slipping away. I told my husband last night, we are care partners, and care partners work together for one another. For better or for worse. Best, Karla