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Early Alzheimers: He thinks he can do things he no longer can

Posted by willow8 @willow8, Apr 18 11:56am

First, I want to say how much I appreciate this group. It is always a comfort to read the stories here. It makes me feel not so alone. My husband has been diagnosed with MCI due to Alzheimers. His abilities are starting to decline and he has almost no immediate memory. He will ask me over and over the same things 3 or 4 times in 15 minutes. He is still driving and doing okay with that locally, although he does sometimes get lost now even going to familiar places. My biggest problem is he still thinks he can do everything he has always done. He does not realize how confused he gets. He could not really live alone anymore. How do you help a person understand that they need help. He wants to take a trip to meet someone to fish and the drive would be 3 hours. I am still working and unable to go. When I told him I did not think it was a good idea he got very angry and suggested I stop telling him what to do. Then he said I could just leave. The other day he wanted to fix the electrical part of the garage door opener and since it was dealing with electricity, I told him I thought we should get an electrician to do it. This is something he could have formerly done. He asked me if I thought he was an idiot and blew up about that. I can answer questions all day and listen to the same stories over and over, but I do not know how to handle his anger and keeping him safe. I would appreciate any suggestions.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 1 day ago
In reply to @lkbous "@kjc48 ooh, I just got chills. I’m not sure they could/would facilitate it, but let’s see..." + (show)
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@kjc48 ooh, I just got chills. I’m not sure they could/would facilitate it, but let’s see if any messages pop up regarding it. If not, we can figure it out. 😁

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@lkbous If they know people are interested in doing more than just reponding to notes sent, they may. Mayo is always looking for ways to support the people - many of which donate to them. They're may already be some zoom call set up that we don't know about. I just remember hearing or seeing something.
Best, Karla

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kmarkham | @kmarkham | 1 day ago
In reply to @rebeccagrover "@kmarkham sending you hugs for whenever you need them." + (show)
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@kmarkham sending you hugs for whenever you need them.

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@rebeccagrover
Thank you!!
He still works and every day is a new decision

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Moderator
Justin McClanahan, Moderator | @JustinMcClanahan | 1 day ago
In reply to @kjc48 "@lkbous PS, I wonder if we could do a Zoom call as part of this network...." + (show)
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@lkbous PS, I wonder if we could do a Zoom call as part of this network. If a Mayo mentor picks this up and reads, can we get together on a Zoom call in addition to all these notes back and forth?
Best, Karla

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Hello @kjc48 and @lkbous,

You may wish to learn more about the HABIT Program at Mayo Clinic, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/tab/resource-5394/.

It may be a program of interest to the both of you to get connected with the HABIT team and program.

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theglobalnomad1 | @theglobalnomad1 | 1 day ago
In reply to @kjc48 "@rebeccagrover gosh, reading this makes me wonder how I would handle the "moving in and out..." + (show)
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@rebeccagrover gosh, reading this makes me wonder how I would handle the "moving in and out of Apple Pay" - with short term memory loss, from what I've seen with my husband, you don't want him moving any money, anywhere. You can't be locked out, as if something happened to him, you need immediate access. I've been on my husband for us to "BOTH" do the bills, as I keep telling him, if he was to pass first, he has to show me what to do, to make it easier for me, or I would be stressing over how to do it. It's a bit of a stretch in the "I wouldn't be able to do it." Of course I would, but I don't know how to get him to give up control, so I'm making him think the problem is me. I created a typed sheet of all of our bill pays, and another sheet that shows Auto pay, etc. since he has a "ratted up book, I can't even read......He thinks the book is great, meanwhile, missed payments, double payments, and mistakes we find out about three months later. So, I've really had to get involved with any money transfers anywhere. PS, I keep tellling him, my getting involved has more to do with me, than him since we're up there in years, and if one goes before the other, we need access. Best, Karla

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@kjc48
My guest bathroom toilet is in pieces right now because my husband insists he can fix the leak and won't let me get a plumber! As a former homebuilder, he is insistent that he can fix anything that goes wrong... and there is no arguing with him. I don't want to make him even more frustrated and angry by making him realize his skills have changed... but we are steadily building an inventory of deconstructed broken things all over the house waiting to be fixed! It's funny, but sad, too.. and frustrating and irritating and annoying. I find I am constantly battling annoyance vs compassion.

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 1 day ago
In reply to @theglobalnomad1 "@kjc48 My guest bathroom toilet is in pieces right now because my husband insists he can..." + (show)
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@kjc48
My guest bathroom toilet is in pieces right now because my husband insists he can fix the leak and won't let me get a plumber! As a former homebuilder, he is insistent that he can fix anything that goes wrong... and there is no arguing with him. I don't want to make him even more frustrated and angry by making him realize his skills have changed... but we are steadily building an inventory of deconstructed broken things all over the house waiting to be fixed! It's funny, but sad, too.. and frustrating and irritating and annoying. I find I am constantly battling annoyance vs compassion.

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@theglobalnomad1 OMG, I don't know what to tell you do EXCEPT hire the plumber anyway.....let him come, and tell your husband they can fix it together.
Best, Karla

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judimahoney | @judimahoney | 1 day ago
In reply to @kjc48 "@lkbous PS, I wonder if we could do a Zoom call as part of this network...." + (show)
Profile picture for kjc48 @kjc48

@lkbous PS, I wonder if we could do a Zoom call as part of this network. If a Mayo mentor picks this up and reads, can we get together on a Zoom call in addition to all these notes back and forth?
Best, Karla

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@kjc48
I attend a weekly Zoom meeting set up for caregivers on this Mayo site. Look under Events on the Mayo site, and you'll email the moderator for the Zoom link.

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 1 day ago

thanks, Judi, I thought Mayo would have something. There's a lot of good things on this connect. for sure. Best, Karla

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lkbous | @lkbous | 20 hours ago
In reply to @JustinMcClanahan "Hello @kjc48 and @lkbous, You may wish to learn more about the HABIT Program at Mayo..." + (show)
Profile picture for Justin McClanahan, Moderator @JustinMcClanahan

Hello @kjc48 and @lkbous,

You may wish to learn more about the HABIT Program at Mayo Clinic, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/tab/resource-5394/.

It may be a program of interest to the both of you to get connected with the HABIT team and program.

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@JustinMcClanahan Thank you.

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lkbous | @lkbous | 20 hours ago
In reply to @judimahoney "@kjc48 I attend a weekly Zoom meeting set up for caregivers on this Mayo site. Look..." + (show)
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@kjc48
I attend a weekly Zoom meeting set up for caregivers on this Mayo site. Look under Events on the Mayo site, and you'll email the moderator for the Zoom link.

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@judimahoney & @kjc48 Thank you Judi. I looked it up, is it the one on Thursdays at 1 Mountain time? I want to try it, but I have to wait until next week, I'm so bummed. My husband just informed me of a new Dr appointment at that very time tomorrow, but I will definitely try to get included for next week.
Karla, I already looked into the HABIT program, after receiving an email about it a couple of weeks ago, our insurance doesn't cover it, and it isn't cheap.
I'm excited about next week. Linda

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