96 YO Mother fall questions

@woojr Sorry, it's an obscure reference to 'having all his/her marbles', meaning faculties. Dementia really makes for an undignified end, but if the person plans ahead when they still 'have all their marbles', the will and any end-of-life directive(s) should make the process painless and happier for those left behind to grieve.

I understand. My in laws are 94 and 90. Mil is very unsteady on her feet. She grabs on to things to get from point A to B. The only time she will use a cane is when she’s walking outside with a friend. FIL has macular degeneration. It’s a bad combo.

I am 86 and carry my phone in a fanny pack most of the time. It's easier than "carrying" it around. Hope she will agree to that. Falling is high on list for ending up in ER.

Update on mom. She's seen the cardiologist and had some tests and changes to her meds. Her BP has been good and it seemed to coincide with taking the Lasix and her fluids and weight going down. There's times when I think she's getting tired of where she is in this experience.

She's less energetic and she doesn't understand what's happening with eating and hydration.
We had her over with family on Mother's Day and she ate more than the three days prior combined. The cardiologist explained the need to drink and she replied with what she thought he wanted to hear. Like how much she drinks which isn't close to being true.

She's scheduled to get her pacemaker replaced in early June. I'm close to start talking to her about going to an assisted living facility. She's been absolutely against leaving her home.
I think she'd do okay there. She just quit going to physical therapy. She had a dispute about taking an evaluation (which she's had several times before). However this time they wanted mom to take some testing about her driving a car. This was a deal breaker. I believe she knows she shouldn't drive but won't volunteer giving up her license. It's a shame because she's benefited so much from therapy and much of its been social. Being alone at home so much of the time is not in her best interest but she won't change.
I've talked to several people caretaking parents recently. One I talked to last week was my best buddy from school. His mother is 99 and is slowing down pretty good. She lives with him and his wife. He took care of his father with alzheimers for almost a decade before his mother moved into his house. We talked about how difficult it is to have no life for so long. He's had it really tough with his wife's parents going before his. He can't leave her alone at all. He needed to get out of the house. He's a really great guy who can't give anything more.

@woojr I hesitate to post what I am about to say the way I feel it must be said, but here goes: You can, and probably should, rat out your mum to the State licensing bureau, and also to her insurers. For everyone's sake, everyone conceivable who might have a shared interest in her being removed from behind a driving wheel, this must be done. Take the keys and visit the local dealerships if you must. With a recent photo. Take her DL out of her purse, and either destroy it or return it to the licensing bureau as the local rules/laws apply. She won't replace it easily, not with an updated record, and the dealerships won't let her complete a purchase without seeing a valid DL.

gloaming, she seems to be a safe driver. She also sounds smart enough to lawyer-up. It might be an expensive mistake to steal a woman's driver's license and destroy it. And then to try and deprive a person of their legal rights. Woojr's mom has the same right to drive that you and woojr have. She had a small accident; the responding officer determined that this woman was safe to drive. Many states have free legal defense in cases of elder abuse, but it could get expensive for an offender.

@gently, mom's been lucky. She's been stopped by local police and they let her go. She's had a couple accidents and she has insurance that doesn't raise her premiums. I can't legally get her off the road without suing her. And I have a losing and very expensive case. About fifteen years ago she passed out and ran into three cars at a car dealer. She refused to go to the hospital and the only thing that happened was she bought a new car. Then she rear ended three cars in another state. She was over 80 and nothing happened there because all the cars had the same Insurance company.

Back to reality, I don't think she's going to drive any longer. She's struggling with everything physically required to drive and she knows it. She's having trouble with the fatigue and she can't remember simple instructions. I'm hoping I can get her to go into assisted living.

Woojr. the local police objectively think she is safely licensed. An insurance company can raise the rate on an insured person or refuse to insure them. That they insured all four cars would have no relevance to raising or not raising her rates. Is it possible to rear end three cars in the same accident. The insurance company thinks she is a profitable driver to insure at a low rate.
Does she think she isn't going to be driving any longer. Because her refusal to go to physical therapy because you have arranged treatment that she thinks may threaten her license, sounds as though she plans to continue driving. I hope you can end the threat that is causing her to skip the medical treatment that she needs to stay independent.
You might try assisted living and see if you think she would be well cared for and happy. You won't like it.
She might remember simple instructions if she was able to hear them. A hearing aid?
I believe that you love your mom and mean well. But if you get her to go into assisted living and deprive her of the ability to get around, you'll make her miserable.

@gloaming
Not having a driver's license or insurance doesn't stop one from driving, and forcing the loss of either can have more serious ramifications. This is a tread carefully situation.

@gloaming thank you for your posting. I believe that a physician has the right to report a person if they believe their driving privledges should be suspended. Or they can be anonymously reported. My father’s doctor did that. Other people are at risk, not just the person who may have to hang up the keys

Gratefully there is uber, lyft, my area has bus service for elderly. I’d save a lot on car insurance, repairs and fuel, ev or gas, when the time comes. Hope I remember that when the time comes. I’d rather give up my license than have it taken away.