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Spouse becoming less supportive?
Has this happened to others? I'm entering my 6th year of survival (Gleason 10, radiation twice, 5th year of Lupron), and I've recently retired. I seek "alternative" methods of relief, but nothing too extreme: sound baths, meditation, plant-based diet, making music with new friends. She doesn't like some of my new friends and activities, and she is prohibiting me from some of these activities, especially singing with women. My testosterone was 12 the last time it was checked, and I haven't had an erection in 6 years. I feel no attraction to either sex and/or gender.
I just want some peace.
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I like this support group. I used to participate a lot more, when cancer was new and in my thoughts 24/7. But now I just focus on living. I may have 2 years left, or 20. Doctors won't give me a number. So, I take all my meds, follow doctors' orders, and live in the present.
What's most interesting about this post I started is that I failed to mention many relevant variables (my recent retirement, spouse still working, vacation home in another town where my new friends are, the fact that I hadn't had any friends in many years, etc. etc.), so y'all just filled in the gaps with your imaginations. Which leads to conclusions ranging from I'm a poor innocent victim to I'm a dirty rotten scoundrel.
The truth is probably somewhere in the middle.
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1 Reaction@heavyphil I think we're saying the same thing from different directions.
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2 Reactions@bluegill Neither victim nor scoundrel, I think. But from what you chose to share, it does sound like your relationship has hit a crisis point. I hope you find your way to something better, whether it's together or on separate paths. ❤️
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3 ReactionsMy partner and I have been together for 12 years, having met when we were both in our early fifties, so we weren’t kids when our relationship started.
Before PC, I was an athlete and, while I still ice skate and cycle, I know I’ll never be the athlete I once was which means I lost a major part of my identity. She’s also an athlete and she’s having trouble accepting that I can’t perform as well as I did when I was healthy - she believes I am just being willful. Because I couldn’t perform in the bedroom, she became furious and locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn’t talk to me. During a hiking trip in Santa Fe, she hiked way ahead of me, leaving me alone on the mountain trail - she was frustrated that I couldn’t hike like I once did.
So we saw a therapist, which helped and, during the session, I admitted I had been conversing with my female training partner on the bike racing team about my partner’s behavior. My partner knew I trained with a woman but she never met her because she doesn’t race. Now, I am not romantically engaged with the other woman, who is my age and divorced, but, the idea that there MIGHT be another woman was enough to change my partner’s behavior. She’s more accepting now that I actually DO have limitations I didn’t have prior to PC and being in a state of denial was stressing the relationship.
We’re continuing the therapy and life together is getting better.
And living with an heiress isn’t as much fun as one might think.
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4 Reactions@madisonman0326 I'm glad you two identified the problem and worked it out (a work-in-progress, I'm sure, like all relationships).
It sounds like she had put off the grieving and acceptance part. That's understandable, and it's good she's closer to where you are now. ❤️
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2 ReactionsWhen I grow up I want to be North 😊 !!! 💗