As a caregiver, what helps you the most?

I copied these things down at one time to help me better manage my changing relationship with caregiving to my loved one. Perhaps they will be helpful.
When frustrated, remember to take a deep breath in and out and counting to six before speaking.
Agree, never argue.
Divert, never reason.
Distract, never shame.
Reassure, never lecture.
Reminisce, never say remember.
Repeat, never say I told you.
Do what they can do, never say ‘you can’t.’
Ask, never demand.
Reinforce, never force.
When asked, always say something positive about the situation.

I don't care for the use of the word “never”. Perhaps “resist the impulse to” is better.
A big hug to you all. We are not in this alone.

@jett56
I went through 6 months, and 3 hospitalizations, of this type of thing with my wife - and much more: accusations of cheating, not caring, anger on anger, trying to control and trap her, etc. The last hospitalization, in February, finally seemed to get the medication mix correct. We have had a month and a half of stable life. She's calmer, at peace, compliant with medications, but can still enjoy things. We just got back from several days in Yosemite. Her dementia is progressing, which we can tell for sure, and will need to adjust things again, but have a better idea of trying to stay ahead of it. Dealing with medications is hard - many people struggle to have someone on quite powerful drugs, some with potentially serious side effects. However, having someone live in fear, paranoia, anger, etc., etc., is also not "right" - I would argue. The person with dementia is suffering, as is the caregiver. This is not easy, but it is a reality. I would suggest talking with the psychiatrist and neurologist about a plan.

I copied these things down at one time to help me better manage my changing relationship with caregiving to my loved one. Perhaps they will be helpful.
When frustrated, remember to take a deep breath in and out and counting to six before speaking.
Agree, never argue.
Divert, never reason.
Distract, never shame.
Reassure, never lecture.
Reminisce, never say remember.
Repeat, never say I told you.
Do what they can do, never say ‘you can’t.’
Ask, never demand.
Reinforce, never force.
When asked, always say something positive about the situation.

I don't care for the use of the word “never”. Perhaps “resist the impulse to” is better.
A big hug to you all. We are not in this alone.

I am happy for you but also I am jealous that you can go for walks. There is no way that I can leave my husband alone. My husband is 90 with Alzheimer's disease and there is the constant fear of him either falling or running away. I must take him every place I go. I have looked into someone coming in to look after him but there is a minimum number of hours at $45-$50 an hour. So, it would run around $500.00 a week for a few hours and it would have to be consistent. Also, when I brought this possibility up to him he said NO WAY and he said he would run away before he would have a babysitter. Caregiving is a challenge.

@katrina123
My local elder network has volunteers who will come for 2 or 3 hours, generally on a weekly basis, who would visit with my husband, play cards or a game with him, talk sports, or Civil War history, or whatever is of interest, or just watch TV. They try different volunteers until they find one who fits the client. They are all screened, of course, but there are lots of people who like visiting seniors and being truly helpful. These volunteers can't do anything medical, but are trained and will call first responders if needed. There are also paid non-medical companions for whom there is an income-based sliding scale who can do more. My county also has helpful resources, even finding a handy person who volunteers to help with small projects around the house. I'm amazed at the resources out there once you start looking. Might be worth looking into as part of finding what is sustainable for you.
Blessings and best wishes.

I copied these things down at one time to help me better manage my changing relationship with caregiving to my loved one. Perhaps they will be helpful.
When frustrated, remember to take a deep breath in and out and counting to six before speaking.
Agree, never argue.
Divert, never reason.
Distract, never shame.
Reassure, never lecture.
Reminisce, never say remember.
Repeat, never say I told you.
Do what they can do, never say ‘you can’t.’
Ask, never demand.
Reinforce, never force.
When asked, always say something positive about the situation.

I don't care for the use of the word “never”. Perhaps “resist the impulse to” is better.
A big hug to you all. We are not in this alone.

@myacim
When you say “elder network”, is there a particular resource name that you accessed? My dad could really benefit from the type of socialization you described that your husband receives! Thanks!

@babbsjoy I have heard of Seniors helping Seniors!!I have not used it. It sounds like a great idea.

@rebeccagrover cope