As a caregiver, what helps you the most?

@richardfrancine
Thank you for sharing your situation. I can relate for sure. When my husband was admitted into the hospital about a month ago just for two nights, I was almost happy to have a night alone. This is a hard life, no doubt. I have a cat and a dog-my only solace right now. I don't know what i would do without them. I wonder if they have any idea how precious they are.
But, I feel the same as what you feel-the constant cleaning up, it's endless. The depression is sometimes like one of those weighted blankets, just crippling. I have days that I feel like I haven't done enough, and when I do something for myself, albeit it minimal, I feel guilty. Its tough, but I feel like it is very skill building.
Stay strong!

@maritah49 I understand your situation. I am in a similar one. Caring for my husband, and I do everything, and have to be 100% financially responsible. It's been my biggest challenge in life thus far. I keep telling myself, there's a reason this is happening. There is something to learn from it all. The ol', "that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger".

@richardfrancine I am in almost the exact situation. My husband angers easily these days. He has to be in control. He tells me I am stupid and don’t know what I am talking about. He is hard to communicate with because he can’t keep straight what he said and when I answer he says that isn’t what I said. I can’t win for trying. what do I do. He is now becoming confused with how the thermostat works. Our house was at 57 degrees last night. It woke me it was so cold. He keeps switching from heat to ac. Help

I copied these things down at one time to help me better manage my changing relationship with caregiving to my loved one. Perhaps they will be helpful.
When frustrated, remember to take a deep breath in and out and counting to six before speaking.
Agree, never argue.
Divert, never reason.
Distract, never shame.
Reassure, never lecture.
Reminisce, never say remember.
Repeat, never say I told you.
Do what they can do, never say ‘you can’t.’
Ask, never demand.
Reinforce, never force.
When asked, always say something positive about the situation.

I don't care for the use of the word “never”. Perhaps “resist the impulse to” is better.
A big hug to you all. We are not in this alone.

@richardfrancine I am in almost the exact situation. My husband angers easily these days. He has to be in control. He tells me I am stupid and don’t know what I am talking about. He is hard to communicate with because he can’t keep straight what he said and when I answer he says that isn’t what I said. I can’t win for trying. what do I do. He is now becoming confused with how the thermostat works. Our house was at 57 degrees last night. It woke me it was so cold. He keeps switching from heat to ac. Help

@maritah49 I understand your situation. I am in a similar one. Caring for my husband, and I do everything, and have to be 100% financially responsible. It's been my biggest challenge in life thus far. I keep telling myself, there's a reason this is happening. There is something to learn from it all. The ol', "that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger".

@jett56 I’m sorry. It IS often so difficult to communicate with them. They get so confused and in turn blame it on us that the conversation has gone south. My husband sometimes says things like “ok! Let’s start this over (conversation)” so he can ‘educate’ me on what we’re talking about. Sometimes he will also say “you need to learn…” in a very belittling way. It’s frustrating, but even more hurtful. We do the circle conversating, “you said, I said, I thought, no you said…”. on and on. Exhausting. But trying to learn to not to engage is sooo hard to practice. I just wish you luck (and patience)!
We all get it, so you’re not speaking to deaf ears.

@lkbous oh my goodness- you poor thing! My husband acts like that too…i call it his dragging me down the rabbit hole…frustrating indeed! Hang inbthere..and if u figure out a way to cooe that works well..please let me know! Same boat