96 YO Mother fall questions

Thank you for caring. Fiercely independent is putting it mildly. As far as qualified people to help, I think we've had a lot of qualified people get involved over the last ten years or so. I like to relate to just the most recent things to sort of give a picture of what I've been helped with recently. A month ago she drove her car into her hairdresser's building. When the police came I asked them if they were going to check her driving competency before she drove home. The corporal in charge said he talked to her and she was fine. I asked if he knew what medication she was using and whether he could tell if she could walk straight and if her reactions should be tested. He didn't like my attitude. Walked away.
In December we went to a new cardiologist. We both see him. He decided to stop her Clonadine because he was afraid of fall risks because it could cause a sudden drop in BP. About a week later she had a BP spike, called 911 went to the hospital where she told the doctor not to bother my wife and me. My wife and I went to her house a few hours later to take her to another dr.s appt. When we got there, the house was all lit up and there was a strange look about it. My wife called the local hospital and she was there. The doctor said she'd been there six hours and had taken a few different BP meds but it wasn't coming down. I asked if they tried Clonadine and they said that was next. We went to the hospital and she had taken it and was doing better. Mom had Clonadine in her cabinet and would have taken it at six AM like she's been doing for several years until the new doc helped out. She has the script renewed now. I could tell you about the help I got from a Priest when she had issues from being scammed and refused to file a complaint against the scammers. She was certain they were the real Publishers Clearing House and I was stealing the $40,000 she wanted to send to them. The police and the bank tried to help but she clammed up like a Mafia boss's wife. The Priest tried to get some money for himself.... hmmm
This winter's been tough. We had a snow storm with ice on top. It was brutally cold and the ice seemed to sink in about two inches thick. I fell several times just trying to clean the walkway. The next day she went into the garage, got in the car and drove about twenty miles to the DMV to get the car inspected. The roads were bad but she has no sense of fear or risk. When she got home she couldn't get up the driveway which wasn't cleaned yet. She crawled up and into the garage.
She's had itching problems. We've been to three docs since last Summer and she refuses to stop taking their advice. No she buys supplements over the internet and continues to itch. Blood work has shown it's coming from something she's ingesting.
I could tell you how she almost died blaming her PT girl for the pain in her back which was a UTI. I had to carry her out of the house and took her screaming to the ER.
My mother has no interest in having people come into her home and tell her what to do. She even less wants to go to a facility. First she doesn't believe she's going to die. Her hearing is getting worse and her eyesight is ???? She's gullible and believes and buys anything. She's convinced me I can't get her off the street driving. I was basically told I'd have to sue her and the way the process was explained to me, I'd lose and it would be expensive. I've seen her sweet talk the Primary Care for over ten years. Her cholesterol is getting high but she believes statins and vaccines are deadly poisons. She won't take anything.

Finally, an old buddy had a similar situation with his mother. We're both only male children from Italian families. Only his mother was broke and he paid for her end of life. Now he's caretaker for his wife. He's had her to a number of places for stroke related rehab. It's like there's no end to it. I worked with Bruce Willis' father. I see people who grew up with Bruce and last week got a rundown on him. Caretaking is about as tough as it gets. Help? I wouldn't be surprised if my mother outlives me.

It appears that she prefers her independence to safety. As a caring child, you prefer her safety. This is a common dilemma. I’m not sure there is a compromise. Hard as it is to watch I would recommend respecting her preference and know that if she is harmed in a way that is life-threatening or even takes her life that you gave her the freedom she wanted to spend the end of her life the way she wanted to.

@judithsmiles She certainly won't have to worry about any falls if she has that last nasty one that lands her on her back and in constant care, but she'll certainly have many long hours to rue the loss of independence.

For those who would like the securityof being able to call 911 - or to anyone's number listed in their cell, without a phone or life alert on body, if a fall happens and still conscious a request to Alexa or a family member, friend or neighbor, etc can be made from anywhere it is within the area it can hear a voice. the devices can be small or larger. Also tells you the weather, news, music, etc. Love it.

Wow! This discussion portrays an amazing power struggle.
Did 96 YO Mother ever do anything kind or generous for other people, or has she been a lifelong bully/master manipulator?
Would there ever be a time for the caregivers/slaves to say "Good-bye, you've planned your fate, now you're on your own to meet it."
It seems honest to say that no one of us has the capacity for infinite compassion.
I find myself hoping she will have a fatal accident without harming others.

Wow! This discussion portrays an amazing power struggle.
Did 96 YO Mother ever do anything kind or generous for other people, or has she been a lifelong bully/master manipulator?
Would there ever be a time for the caregivers/slaves to say "Good-bye, you've planned your fate, now you're on your own to meet it."
It seems honest to say that no one of us has the capacity for infinite compassion.
I find myself hoping she will have a fatal accident without harming others.