@gently I was just rereading a few of these posts and this one struck me as interesting as the issue here seems to be interpreted as a matter of choosing sides. It reminded me of a time in my past when I was involved in our local union. I handled disputes with our employer for many years. Some went to arbitration where I assisted lawyers who were familiar with labor law and our collective bargaining agreement. The majority of cases approved to spend the money on the arbitration procedure (it was expensive), were disciplinary, mostly discharge or lengthy suspension.
Sometimes arbitrators tried to split the baby. For instance return a worker back to the job but received no back pay or imposed restrictions for future violations. I guess in some ways I've based my mother's end of life years entirely by its effect on my wife and me. I mean some of the situations can be compromised. When @edsutton says I'm only trying to control her life but I genuinely care for her, there is the compromise. Mom is definitely controlling her own life. I've previously admitted I'm helpless in forcing her give up driving for instance. She decides everything about her daily meals, hygiene, how she spends her money and what she finds entertaining like online and TV. I'm more like a boy Friday.
The odd thing about the will is she believes it's what keeps me on her leash. In fact it's becoming the opposite. If I had the choice to walk away right now without her estate, I might just do it. It's a nice chunk of money, not an easy thing to turn my back on. I'm running low on my own end of life timetable. I talked to her a couple hours ago. My daughter raises chickens and last night we picked up some eggs. Mom loves those eggs, her voice changed, and when I told her we'd be dropping them off tomorrow I could feel her appreciation through the phone. My wife and I aren't going anywhere regardless of the will. I like the middle ground and have been blessed with being able to usually some.