96 YO Mother fall questions

Posted by woojr @woojr, Jan 12 12:28pm

Hello and thank you for reading this message. Mom is in unusually good shape for her age. She's had a few falls over the last five years but has been very fortunate to really only have had some stitches and a couple bruises. She has started to walk with a cane but mostly walks around the house holding on to furniture, walls etc. Most of the house (she lives alone in her home), has no steps or tripping hazards. She stills drives regularly to PT, hairdresser and local store. She's been taking supplements for decades and takes BP and Thyroid meds for about ten years. She has a pacemaker. She cooks and eats a healthy diet. She had a minor stroke over ten years ago with no after effects. She's recently had issues with itching and dry skin and scalp. All in all she's amazing. A couple days ago she called and asked my wife and I to come help her get up from a fall in her kitchen.
We found her sitting on a hard tiled floor without any apparent injuries. There was a chair knocked over and some other things on the floor as she appeared to have been reaching for things. She weighs 97 lbs and it took all had to get her up without hurting her. I asked her what happened and she said she was standing at the table reading the mail and suddenly lost her balance and went straight down without hitting her head or anything else but she couldn't pick her self up. Most of the house is carpeted and a lot has throw rugs. She refuses to remove them. I think she likes the extra padding because she's fallen without having to tell us. I took the opportunity to address a number of falling while alone issues for the hundredth time. In the past I've noticed her balance has been getting worse and she refuses to use on of the several walkers around the house. I could go on about her risky lifestyle but why? Any suggestions to get her to carry one of the many phones at all times? And when should she be in assisted living before she falls and can't get up until I discover her unable to call for help?
Thanks again for reading.

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woojr | @woojr | Jan 17 3:16pm

In reply to @patient101 "@woojr Excellent. Can you attend the PT?" + (show)

@patient101 , I've attended when I've taken her to PT. They don't have much room for guests especially during flu season. I'll probably get invited to a meeting based on something like this new driving stuff.

Sue, Volunteer Mentor | @sueinmn | Jan 17 6:28pm

In reply to @woojr "@sueinmn Wow, great message. It's my wife and me in this and we've had our foot..." + (show)

@woojr

@sueinmn Wow, great message. It's my wife and me in this and we've had our foot in the water since she had a stroke about ten years ago. I realized back then there would be a time when it would be her or me. A couple years ago she was scammed and I got the police and every other government agency involved that I could apply to. I saved her many, many thousands of dollars only because she forgot I was her POA after she'd had a stay in a facility recovering from an almost fatal UTI. With the help of her bank and the police and her financial guy, she finally cooperated to stop communicating with the scammers and changed all of her contact information. She hated me for at least a year. She believed she won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes and I cost her five million dollars. I've dealt with some hard issues and tried to remain sane through it. I have stories and records of the not so good times with mom.

I've been very direct, blunt, to the point with what she needs to do to remain in her house but ultimately, she lives in a world she controls. I've had it rammed down my throat and if some authority can remove her from her house, I'll believe it when I see it.

So about doing for her in the future. I figured out the most important part some time ago. It's trying to remain sane and forget that we have any semblance of a right to our own lives as our years dwindle away. If my wife wasn't an angel, I'd remember the hell it's been at times. But now, for some reason mom seems to trust me a bit. Maybe it appears I'm nibbling around the reality of this matter. The reality is.... what's next? I'll tell you. She just told me she's taking her car to get it inspected. It's a 15 mile drive. Last time (two years ago), she drove to the inspection station but didn't tell me because it failed. There was a dealer about a mile away from her house. She gets it serviced there and drives by it regularly. I told her the dealer can do the inspection after she told me about it failing. Trust me, it gets worse.

Summed up, as @celia put it "that's great news that the driving may stop." At this point we take what we can get. So that means I'll get to take her car for inspection since I know I have no other choice. Trust me, I can ask hard questions, the problem is I'm usually asking myself.
Thank you for your help.

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@woojr You and your wife really have had your hands full! At 96, and as stubborn as she sounds, there probably isn't much you can do but try to hang in there. I hope an independent driving evaluation can at least take that burden off your hands. My Mom never really forgave me for taking her to the eval that she failed, but at least the state took her license and not me. She didn't give in gracefully - we still had to disable the car AND take the keys (she had perception deficits from a stroke.)

Hang in there!

suzi2835 | @suzi2835 | Jan 19 7:10am

In reply to @woojr "New news just now. Mom's PT therapist just called. I've known them for many years as..." + (show)

@woojr She is amazing. At 84 I'm thinking about a bracelet or watch to alarm if I fall. I vote for quality of life over quantity.

woojr | @woojr | Jan 19 12:33pm

I've got a new thing. I don't go online on Sunday. I accidentally have done it a few times since the holidays and I loved it. The weather has been nasty and I spoke to Mom by phone over the weekend and she was fine. Last night she told me she cleaned all the granite countertops in the kitchen. Quite a job since they are covered with all sorts of things that needed to be sorted and tossed out. We had a little snow and her neighbors clean the steps and driveway. I'm putting an Amazon order for her after this note. She's been asking for a few things but wait for her to ask a few times because she usually forgets we just bought it recently. She broke her blue light glasses for watching screens. She has finally realized it's easier and more likely to get the order if I do it. She's had several orders mysteriously disappear which she's blamed her neighbor for stealing them. Truth is she went to the wrong location and the packages were piling up at the side door. She still blames the neighbors because their dogs poop on her grass. She used to pack it up and leave it on their front steps. I swear it's true.
As far as her forgiving me, I think forgiving and forgetting are getting closer everyday.