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Wow! This discussion portrays an amazing power struggle.
Did 96 YO Mother ever do anything kind or generous for other people, or has she been a lifelong bully/master manipulator?
Would there ever be a time for the caregivers/slaves to say "Good-bye, you've planned your fate, now you're on your own to meet it."
It seems honest to say that no one of us has the capacity for infinite compassion.
I find myself hoping she will have a fatal accident without harming others.
Replies to "Wow! This discussion portrays an amazing power struggle. Did 96 YO Mother ever do anything kind..."
@edsutton, I see the power struggle oppositely. Cheers to woojr's mom. She is only trying to control her own life. He is only trying to control hers.
Woojr genuinely cares for her. And his wife is darn wonderful too.
The worry about the Last Will is disconcerting.
@edsutton
I don't see this as a bully/ master manipulator vs caregiver/slave issue. I read the original post as a proud and stubborn woman who doesn't want to give in to her aging issues and lose her independence. That is quite understandable although taken to an extreme in this case. Not everyone ages gracefully and accepts their limitations with a smile on their face.
@editored
Seems like cruelty, has joined in with the 7 deadly sins. Assuming there’s some facet of love,
and kindness within the folks tending her needs, one would hope that when the horns blow,
she will go gently into the night. It is hard to say goodbye, it’s morally, and humanistic to provide
some sort of respect, dignity, and compassion. While on this earth, try and love, and help ?
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@edsutton OMG Ed! Wow I can’t wait to see the responses to this one!
I read, and reread your response several times. I think I get what you’re saying. But not for sure. I SEE the power struggle going on. And this happens a lot in a lot of families.
And I am guilty of that myself except it’s in the reverse.
I just accepted that I cannot control my 49 year old youngest daughter. She has put herself in a position in her life that I felt, as her mother, I needed to step in to help and FIX her! After much anguish and sorrow, stress and heartache, SHE rebelled and stood up to ME!
AND THEN I WOKE UP!!
She is my CHILD, and I needed to protect her from what I thought were irrational decisions on her part.
But she set me straight. She is an ADULT. And she is in charge of her life and her decisions. BAM! Right between the eyes!
She is right. She is an adult and deserves to be allowed to act as the adult that she is. I’m not in charge of her anymore.
She has the right to make her own decisions the way she feels is right for her. Amen.
However, we as adults, are trying to control OUR adult parents. Yes, sometimes we need to intervene for safety.
But, not to the point of bullying. There are kind ways for us to help our parents. I will not let my children try to take away my car or take away other things in my life that I love.
I would hope that they care enough about me to come up with a plan, together with me involved in the planning.
I wear my Apple Watch, cuz I have fallen enough times to warrant wearing it. A real easy fix for everyone.
I hope I’m not going to be bullied when I start to decline.
I hope I raised them well enough to respect my wishes.