Anyone feel they made major life mistakes that are not forgivable?

@mir123 This morning I spoke to a Catholic priest. He also said that I married my husband with good intentions and that some people who feel they are soulmates and in love have marriages that don’t work out.

@elainer12 "Does this mean that God will not forgive me?"

If that's so, Hell must be very crowded and Heaven empty.

Besides, the road to Hell may be paved, but that doesn't mean you're on it.
And if you are, you don't have to stay on it.
Worst of all is to create your own personal Hell and take up permanent residence.

Step back, take a deep breath, and stop tormenting yourself. As I say in my video, if friends of yours did what you did, would you forgive them? The answer is probably yes. So why them and not yourself?

@elainer12 Perhaps you could approach this rabbi and ask him for a referral to someone you could talk to or zoom with? You needn't reveal the nature of your issue, nor that you suspect he may not be able to separate himself and his closeness with your husband's side of the family from your needs for him to be both circumspect and respectful...but if he just acts in good will and gives you a couple of names of potential allies/confidants, then you're ahead.

Is there no 'help line' established by the rabbinate where you live that is published and that serves people with your very circumstances?

@gloaming I spoke to a Catholic priest this morning. There is no help line established by the rabbinate here.

@scottrl I watched your video and, like you also said, I did not act with malice. I am trying to forgive myself. What makes it harder to do this is that my adult son is vengeful and talks with malice about so many people he comes in contact with. He has no friends and refuses to go for counseling. It is hard for me to have inner peace when he is living his life this way.

1. Keep it simple
2, GOD Grant Me the Serenity to accept things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
an the wisdom to know the difference
It Helps me

@elainer12 I haven’t walked in your shoes but yes I do. As part of their faith (different from yours) it’s still common for marriages to be arranged.

I don’t know what went wrong in your marriage that you feel so guilty.

Why are your husband’s anger issues your responsibility?

If there’s “blame” or “responsibility” for how so many things turned out (including your children’s struggles) there are surely many causes.

Even marriages entered into with both parties in love can have great difficulties. (My parent’s marriage was one of those and yes it affected my siblings and I. Yet on becoming adults it became our own responsibility to deal with our issues, which we did. I went into therapy and also take medication for anxiety, my brother too went into therapy is a recovering high functioning alcoholic and my sister is very religious).

It’s easy to say “don’t blame yourself” or “forgive yourself” but the question remains “What for?” I’m trying to understand why you carry such a huge burden of guilt on your shoulders and whether it’s all yours to carry.

Hopefully you can work out your part and also make peace with your part. You say you did your best to be a good wife and mother. God wouldn’t ask for more ❤️‍🩹

@elainer12
see apology at end:
Yes. There is a way. I keep hearing a theme of (male) anger that you have to deal with. We men can be angry in a general way if we feel unsuccessful (failure), have low self esteem, feel we have been cheated in life, or that everyone else is doing better (house, car, money).
The anger is usually connected to a crummy childhood-parents reminding us that we're stupid, worthless, burden. Look at Stevie, he's smart.
The hurt (trauma) ranges from abandonment to neglect to beatings and worse.
It can be intergenerational. Father's can teach their sons to take an angry approach to everything and everybody, making for a self fulfilling prophecy of failure.
The feminine (mother imago) is seen as the saving grace. When she turns out to be only human, and can't mystically cure the wounds making everyone happy 😄 (watch Beauty and the Beast) she gets trashed as weak or a betrayer.
I don't know the dynamics of you and your family members, but I hope you're not caught in this web.
No one can be devoted or caring enough to fix them, but you can take better care of yourself. Find a good counselor. Pursue an interest or passion you have. Stay connected with up beat friends. Follow and join in on Mayo.
Do it slowly. If the men sense a withdrawal or lack of attention, they get even angrier because there's no one there to absorb their crap or soothe them.
In short, take care of yourself and find a way of handling them. They want a good mommy, but need a good shrink.
I apologize in advance since I said all this without knowing any details of your situation. I hope it rings true.

@shmerdloff Thank you for your support and understanding. I am caught in this web. My father-in-law had anger issues which were not shown to me until after my husband and I were married. And our son has even worse anger issues. I am trying to take care of myself. I don’t know if I am succeeding with that.

Imagine a dear friend confessed to you her remorse over actions she took when she didn't know better. What would you wish for her? What would you say to her?