To move near family or stay put

@rashida Thanks for your response. I, too, hope all goes well for him and his children, my only grandchildren.

@rashida amen !

@hraka13 I'm thinking of doing the same. My only living relative is a sister who is married with kids/grandkids and lives 300 miles away. We used to visit each other more than we do now since our parents passed away. She has built a community for herself in a rural town and would like us to be close enought to meet for coffee, but I do not see myself living in this town, even though I would like to move out of the big city to a place easier to navigate. I do not want to be a burden or expect her to provide me with a social life. Probably would want to find a 55+ community but I really like living in a house. Been solo all my life. But I am now in my 70s without much of a support net where I live and worry that a hospital stay would be a stretch. I want to get all my stuff in order so I can just live this stage of life.

@danae25, there are over 55 communities with standalone homes or townhouses (shared wall). If you don’t went too rural, like I didn’t, choose a larger town near them that makes it easy to visit and spend time together. I don’t drive but my sister can drive here in under 10 minutes or I can hop a bus that drops me off down the hill from her home, just a 15-20 minute walk. (Once I’m financially sound again, there’s a taxi too.)

@ddonnagirl1 yes, it's good to acknowledge that it is an emotional let down for us when they are too busy for us. As much as we understand that they really are busy, it still stings.

My husband and I moved across country to be near our three children 12 years ago when I was in my late 60's and he in his 70's. I wanted to be nearer our grandsons.
This helped in downsizing our possessions and home. It hurt in making new friends, which we did not realize. I have several good friends now but my spouse never connected with others. I clearly had anticipated that outcome would have been reversed. We have several great friends back east and have visited when we could.
My husband died almost 5 years ago and my children and grandchildren are attentive and helpful when needed. The friends back east are all in the same aging positions I am.
I do not expect my children to spend a lot of time with me but I do see one weekly for dinner, the second several times a month and the third, who is 6 hours away, less frequently.
I'm happy to have moved when I did. I established myself with a good medical group, dentist and housing location.

I'm single, 82 years old and still getting-by okay, but I'm a long distance away from my nearest child. I make life changes easily and "travel light", so I'm planning to move close to my elder son eventually. I've already resolved that I won't expect them to change their way of life. I will let them initiate any "visits" that they might want with me. My mother was the same way. She used to tell me, "I don't want to be a burden to you kids". I'm that way also.

@joanland
Dear joanland,
So sorry this happened to you. Although virtually all of my extended family started out in same town, over time, kids have moved to cities where their colleges/grad schools were located (and they stayed...now in their 50's), and my sister moved to be in same town as nephew, leaving me the only member of our family who is still in our hometown. I have some vision limitation, but am still able to drive on streets I've been traversing for 60+ years. Also, in hometown there is little traffic, compared to cities to which rest of family has moved. I also enjoy friends and neighbors I've known for decades...some for 60+ years. I often miss my family, but if I were to wrench myself away from my hometown, and then discover my daughter and her family are too busy to visit often, it would break my heart beyond repair. Hometown is more affordable, more comfortable, and certainly more convenient than East Coast cities where kids making their lives. I've assembled a crack medical team. Not the same as an attentive kid...but then, proximity doesn't always ensure attention. As I (and now you, sadly) have learned the hard way. Just writing this so you know you've got lots of company.

@susiewordsmith Thanks for your very kind message. I came back to the town I've lived in since 1977, where I feel at home and know the streets and alleys. The town has changed as it has become popular as a vacation destination, both summer and winter. Population has surged from 18K to about 118K, which is a big change. My friends from long ago are predeceasing me (I'm 85), but I'm finding new connections. And now the son in Idaho is divorcing, so I don't know where he will land. I'm quite happy here and very glad I made the move back. I wish you the very best as you continue your life in your hometown.

@joanland My wife and I live in central Oregon, as well, and our daughter would like us to consider moving near them in rainy Washington when the time comes. I'm in favor of it, but my wife, who grew up in central California, wants to stay in the dry climate, in some kind of senior housing. I do the yard work and most of the house work, and would prefer to live in our own place. She will probably outlive me, so I guess the decision should lean toward what works best for her. For now, we'll enjoy our home in the country.

Jim