To move near family or stay put

My kids all don't live in one place.
I spent 36 years raising them and it was a LOT of work.
In early sixties I missed them a great deal and thought I wanted them near.

But now that I am over being "homesick" for my kids, I quite enjoy life without them.

I know a number of women who think they want to live nearer their kids and when they do, they get there and the desire to be near them reverses in about 2-5 years.

Arms length is good. At 100 I may need them...but I hope not.

Maybe I have the best of both worlds? I live about 5 months a year 2-3 miles from my kids and near extended family. We see each other frequently, go on adventures, help out, visit their schools...

The rest of the year is spent either traveling or living 1500 miles away. We keep in touch with frequent calls, texts, and occasional visits. They have learned to rely on one another for help when we're away.

I don't think I would ever become permanent in our winter home because health and senior services are far below what we have in Minnesota. My parents and grandparents were wanderers too in their early senior years, returning home when they could no longer travel, so it seems normal in my family.

@jimhd
That’s a tough decision, Jim. I don’t know how old you are, but if and when your health starts to falter, you’ll appreciate having them close and so will they.

It sounds like you’re not being forced into that decision yet. Other things to consider are how taxing such a move would be physically and emotionally, and also the fact you’ll have to start over with all new hospitals, doctors and dentists.

Are there any compromises the two of you are able to consider?

Best of luck in finding something that suits you both.
Christine

@jimhd
Jim: that is a dilenma - to live on the dry side (of OR) or move to the rainy side, which is where your daughter lives, of WA. I would have a hard time adjusting to the rainy side after living on the dry side for almost 50 years. Their are advantages to each location. My daughter is very happy in Olympia. I think I would have trouble with Seasonal Affective Disorder with the rain and gloom of the west side. There is also a discussion here on whether to move to be near one's children or not, that you might find helpful. Good luck to you on your decision.

@joanland My wife is concerned about SAD, but I grew up in upstate New York, with plenty of rain and snow. Our son-in-law is retiring from the Coast Guard in 2 years and then they'll know better where they'll settle. He's been stationed in Port Angeles, but they're thinking about Silverdale. We drove through there after visiting them and weren't impressed, but there are areas with less precipitation not too far away.

We moved from the valley to central Oregon 30 years ago, and do like it on this side of the mountain, especially right now when the valley is flooding while the sun is shining here. Our son lives in Indianapolis, not a place we're interested in living, not to mention the long move. Aside from that, we would be more comfortable living near our daughter. Olympia has less rain than the peninsula, right? My mother's family lives around McCleary, which seems less dreary, from our experience of being there for family reunions.

For now and hopefully for at least another 5 years, living north of Prineville suits us, with 14" or less of annual precipitation. Meanwhile, I'm trying to pare down my collections, especially my years of collecting vintage and new tools. Anything you need? 😊

Jim

@calofmichigan We're 75, with health issues, but so far I can keep up with most things. We have 10 acres, 8 in pasture that our neighbors lease for their cows. One reason for staying here is excellent health care, a consideration wherever we end up.

Moving right now would be a huge deal because we both have collections of collections. An estate sale/barn sale would probably be in order at some point. Meanwhile we donate things to the Humane Society thrift store.

None of us know the future. A lot can change in 5-10 years. Our wish is to stay put as long as we can maintain our place. When the time comes to sell and move, we'll probably make a significant profit. One real blessing is that we have no mortgage. I don't know how people survive with only Social Security. Doesn't sound very secure to me.

Jim

You are lucky to have children who care and want to be there for you. As we age, we gradually lose the friends in our lives and sometimes our health. If we live long enough, there is only family left. If I was you, I would make the move to be closer to family before you need their assistance. The closer you are, the easier it will be for everyone should the need arise. It's better to make calculated decisions than panic decisions.

@slarson14
Living near your kids and keeping them at arms length can both be accomplished. It then comes down to where do you want to live.

A lot will depend upon your relationship with your adult children. If you are on good terms and enjoy each others' company, that is one thing, then a move to be closer might be warranted. However, if, for whatever reason, there is a lack of mutual enjoyment and only toleration of the other generation, by either generation, then a move to be closer physically may not be desirable and could lead to heartache.

Downsizing, or perhaps de-cluttering, inside the house and other buildings can always be valuable - says I who have yet to do it! I'm very fortunate that I have a good relationship with my daughter who lives 6 1/2 hours away. She comes to see me about once every other month. As I'm decluttering, I put things in boxes and she takes what she wants, and the rest gets delivered to a thrift shop or organization. That way family items stay in the family and useable items get recycled to someone else.

@sueinmn you do have the best of both worlds - and you truly are blessed!