Does anyone feel old and useless with age?

Hello, hello, hello - you are as old as your mind tells you you are and as useless as others want you to be. Me? I don't give anyone my age because it is none of their business. But, I took an early retirement (Federal employee buyout thanks to Congressional budget cuts) so I am kinda, sorta, almost, but not ready to admit I am old. After you hit 40 you are "over the hill", but what hill? I ask??? I was the "recipient" of my families factitious disorder and have been diagnosed with every malady known to man (that they could justify to get the attention they needed). I have been cut, probed, drugged, labeled, you name it, just because they could and did. The medical system is notorious for believing what they want to believe despite what you have to say. My former (emphasis on former) PCP wanted to send me to a nursing home, ostensibly to die, after I broke a couple of bones in an accident and follow up medical mishap. I said "no" to the S.O.B. moved on to another provider and started my own rehab program. I live with the damages done to me as a result of their involvement so, I guess you can say I have a lot of medical problems. I have a new mantra - "hate, when properly channeled, can be very cathartic". Use it. To the powers that be at Mayo, be prepared to edit out my next comment - f******, you S.O.Bs who try to minimize, marginalize and otherwise try to make me feel insignificant. Suffice it to say I am at least 50, but I am sharper than the (again, edit me if you choose) M************ who have tried to eradicate me. In less than 2 weeks from today I will begin training for a new adventure... a job that is responsible for life/death outcomes, ha ha ha you S.O.B.s and this morning I got a call from a place I worked for decades ago asking if I wanted to come back on board. It's a volunteer position, but I (I, ME, I, again ME) will be making life altering decisions in other peoples lives. So, you are as useless as you allow yourself to be. Me? well, pardon my profanity but sometimes you need it to punctuate your position and remember "hate, when properly channeled can be very cathartic". Do something YOU love and want to do, to hell with them, put as much spring in your step as you are able to and be the nicest bitch they will ever know. Throw your shoulders back, hold your head up high and tell them "I am here and will not be deterred". Make yourself so valuable they will wonder why they didn't recognize your worth a long time ago. It's up to you and only you. DO IT. Just do it, otherwise you will be old and useless.

I know just how you feel. I turned 59 in January. I quit my job as a nurse almost 10 years ago now to take care of my grandson. He now has 4 siblings that I spend a great deal of time taking care of. However, I am always alone. I have no friends. The only time my daughter talks to me is when she wants me to watch the kids. I've spent my life caring for others and no one is here for me. I have osteoporosis that contributed to breaking my hip 4 years ago. One week after breaking my hip I was babysitting for my daughter in her upstairs apartment. I had a hysterectomy last year and the next day I was babysitting. Nobody cares about me. I'm isolated. I'm on disability and am barely making it. I have family 30 minutes away, but never see them unless I contact them. Same with my other family. We don't talk unless I text or call and it's just a few messages or minutes — all simple conversations. My niece was missing and I found out through social media. When I say I'm alone, I'm not exaggerating. I have other health problems too: osteoporosis as I mentioned, degenerative disc disease, arthritis, chronic herniated discs, migraines, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, ADHD, insomnia, Sjogren's syndrome, and of course my anxiety and depression.

@loris0411 I'm so sorry that you are so alone even with family who apparently don't care that much for you except as a babysitter! And with you being so ill too! That's terrible! You sound like such a kind person. They should be grateful that they have you and you are willing to help them and talk to them.
I understand what you are going through. I'm 79 and my husband of 30 years died in 2024. I miss him terribly and am lonely without him. I have no friends to speak of except a few very nice but very busy neighbors. Most of my friends are up in Heaven with my husband. I have a son but he hasn't contacted me in 20 years. I do have two cousins in another state and we talk on the phone whenever I pay for it!

One thing that has helped me a lot since my husband died is prayer. God has been there for me. I don't feel so alone knowing I have God and Jesus and all the angels around me. Ask God for some help. He will be there for you.

I have plenty of time now that my husband died. If you would like to communicate I would be glad to do that. You sound like a nice interesting person and I could use a new friend.
I'll say a prayer for you.
PML

I don't pray to God very often, instead I go for walks in my woods and talk/chat with God. I thank him/her for the life I've been given. I think, at times, God gets lonely and needs someone to just chat with. Most of the things or people we ask God for aren't God's to give us. We need to find our own way to get those things. For instance, praying for world isn't God's to give us. We have to learn to live with each other peacefully.

Jan

I am 71 and i understand how you feel. I stay active with my two dogs. They get walked three to 4 times a day and driven to the dog park once a day. My 2 cats live on the porch since the dogs moved in. They have beds and igloos for when it is cold.
I try and get to the library once in a while.
But..yes it is challenging to be older and alone.

@rollingf
I think it's great that you talk to God especially on walks in your woods that he made! I talk to God everyday and often too ever since my husband died in 2024. Frankly with my husband gone, there's no one else to talk to. I say pray but I really mean just talk to God. Basically, it's the same thing. You are right that God does get lonely. Mainly because so many people have turned away from God and don't talk to him at all. It's sad. I'm 79 and I remember when many people talked to God. But not anymore.

You are right about finding our own ways but we need God's help to do that. He will direct us in the correct way so we can find peace on our own.

Enjoy your walks in your woods and your conversations with God!
PML

One of the harsh realities about getting older is the realization that you only matter to most people for what you can do for them and once they don’t need you the connection fades be it family, former coworkers, etc. I choose carefully now who I will give my time and energy to. Am I cynical perhaps but it is my reality.

@momma2lucy

I look at it differently. People get wrapped up in their own lives and the stories that they have about their lives. It can seem like indifference and sometimes it is. I have to be really careful because I can get into stories having to do with expectations about others. Tricky territory expectations....we can project them onto others and if we don't catch ourselves doing it all manner of drama can ensue. There is a book I like called Let Them by Mel Robbins. I've found it useful in my own struggles In human relationships..other animals are so much easier for me.

@momma2lucy When I read this, I felt sad, "...you only matter to most people for what you can do for them and once they don’t need you the connection fades..."

I am having the opposite experience - when I give to others, I get a feeling of peace and fulfillment that doesn't require any affirmation other than a simple thank you.

The way to feel useful is to make yourself useful. But, as we age, sometimes the shape of that changes - no longer can I jump in and haul rocks or wood for a neighbor's yard, but I can bring them plant starts and teach them how to care for them. When I take a class at the local volunteer-operated Art League, I cannot schlep tables and chairs, but I can cover them, set up papers and supplies, and generally help the instructor.

In the winter, I live in a mixed community with many seniors like myself, but young families as well. Over 18 years, I have observed that the most content people are those who reach out and connect with others, even in small ways.

@momma2lucy every case is different as to the person, i lost 26 years with my daughter because of a nasty divorce and now that we have found each other a few years back she doesn't want to lose me now even with the serious TBI i had and two brain surgeries. i can only say that i am blessed to have the family i now have. Have a blessed day today.