What do you do when you just want to cry?

This is one of those very difficult days where he drops things and just walks off. Sometimes I am not even sure he knows he dropped the items, but it is more work for me to keep picking up constantly after him.

As I sit here and cry I know I need a real good cry to let out all the tensions etc., but I am just afraid to do that expecially by myself. Feel I might just start crying and not be able to stop.

I know that feeling!! When the dr marched in and announced to me and my husband "can't cure this, he's got 2 months" and got up to leave... and I wanted Dave to leave the room and the dr yelled at me .."he's gotta hear this" and wouldn't let him leave..(I told Dave turn your hearing aids off!!) so we went out to the car to wait on his next appt and I just busted out crying.. and Dave hugged me and said "it's ok honey,I m ready to go".. I vowed he'd never see me cry again..Nov 2 til June 16 and the I let loose at the funeral home..I used to cry at work..or hide.. and finally I just stopped..I can cry now and no one knows..still crying 15 years later..I did hospice by myself (they didn't tell me I could have a break ) because he made me promise not to let anyone see him..21 days ..can't cry.. fractured 3 ribs.. whew!! Our little dog got sick and started yowling and since Dave was completely deaf, I left her in the living room.. because I sat there at 1 AM on a Sat night looking in the living room at the scene from a horror show.. Dave in hospice bed.. no sound , no movement, dog yowling in pain , smoking a cigarette and thinking "I should shot that dog and then shoot that man and shoot myself with this 38 special but then I thought..I just leave it up to God and go lay down for a few hours and get up and see what's happened.. the dog was dead.and Dave died 4 days later.. and .. the deaf man could hear afterall.. when the hospice lady came that evening she said "won't be long now" and I said "atleast he isn't yowling like the dog" and he went..awooooooo!! Last thing he ever said.. I still felt so bad about him laying there having to listen to that dog.. he was deaf as a doorknob from al the shelling in Nam..but he heard that.. I say .. find a place to hid and let it out!! And pray!! Jesus heals the broken hearted ..He just doesn't day how long it takes.. prayers to you!!

@kartwk
When my husband started to really change mentally I felt caught in a movie. He wasn’t the same person and sometimes I was actually scared of him. One day I was turning the hose on under the edge of the deck and just sat down and cried I felt like I couldn’t stop. That’s when I knew I needed support. My general md referred me to a counselor and I saw her for 6 months. It changed my life. It gave me the tools to deal with all of the ways in which my husband’s illness changed him. We can only try to control how we deal with things and find peace and strength in ourselves. We can never be in control of what is happening to others. Step away and get help for yourself so you can be a better help to those you care for. It can be life changing.

Last night, by chance I caught a radio program that was interviewing Barbara Corcoran (Shark Tank) on her mother's Alzhiemer's and how she and her family handled it. When her mother was put in memory care they came to realized that the staff rolled with the anger and delusions. She related a story about her mother would have anger fits and the staff re-directed it to giving her a doll and she became content with a task of folding laundry for hours. It was a lesson of not correcting illogical behavior that her mother never had. Barbara and her family were trying to 'correct' behavior and didn't know 'anger' was an element of ALZ. I guess it is the Zen of Alzheimer's. Try not to spend energy on something you'll never win.

I know how you feel. I cry all the time. I even wake myself up crying. I posted my situation in this group and had some very good support. We know we have to take care of ourselves, but it’s so very hard. But just tonight, after he worked in the cold just coming home a from treatment, he complained of being chilled and had a headache. I took his temperature and made him comfortable. Then I soaked in the tub before I approached him. One reason I cry is because he doesn’t take care of himself and I worry and he expects me to baby him. And I am exhausted. I talked to him calmly and found out I wasn’t crying. I think by walking away from the situation and getting myself calmed, I told him it’s not a good idea to do what he did today. I put it back on him and hopefully he’ll understand that I won’t enable his bad decisions. I hope to be patient when he does things that he really doesn’t understand. But I know he knows better about what he did today.
Hang in there and maybe try to walk away from the situation and collect your thoughts. There’s a lot going on and sometimes we just have to take one thing at a time and breathe.

I cry. I wait till I get in the shower and then I cry just enough to relax the spring of tension in my gut. Then I go on and continue.
Or, if im in a situation where I cant cry, I pray. I tell the Lord how infuriating this all os and how unfair and how glad I am that I can take care of him and to please keep me strong. It helps me to know He is listening st the very moment I need a listener.

@kartwk
I totally understand. Been there. Done that, too.

absolutely understand this feeling. i plan a RARE long shower and just cry. there is no rule that says you have to be strong every minute or never get frustrated. self care is truly crucial.

@billnclaire47 I am at the same place you are. I too pray that the Lord will give me strength.

My mom has not gotten to the point that she does not know where she is, although her short term memory is so bad that she will call or text me several times a day and not remember talking to me. It is so hard watching her slowly fade. She is still the woman that raised me but she is infant like as well. My brother lives with her and it is a fight sometimes to get her to take her medication for her other health issues. She has also been crying a lot and depressed. When I talk to her, I redirect her attention to something funny or a memory from her childhood, my childhood, etc. I have no problem crying. Crying is such a release although I have not cried in front of her about her. I am sure that will come. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this...actually all of you on here. Is there any kind of respite in your state? It might be good to just get away and do something for yourself. Sending positive energy to you and everyone else.