Anyone dealing with a spouse or partner who is an alcoholic?

I agree with you.

Do you go to Alanon? Just being in a room with people who “ get it” helps

@kelseyt
Honestly im not sure id really change anything other than trying to handle my problems differently and my stubbornness and not asking for help otherwise everything i went through or still going through makes and made the person I am today, though I dont have everything in life I wanted nor needed im not the greatest mom and I have flaws im still a good person still try to help others still care and still have love and compassion would give my last t shirts to someone in need that being said thats all id change no one is perfect and no one will be perfect no matter what they say I dont strive for perfect I strive for being better than the day before someone once said to me why cant you be normal and it bothered me I mentioned it to a friend they said "tina whats normal, to me normal is just a setting on a washing machine" I think about that everytime I hear the words "perfect" or "normal"

@mic129
No I haven't been to any meetings at all i just stopped drinking its been about 2 months I believe and as far as life im still out here trying trying to make the next day better than the last!!

Sadly in the exact same boat. Alcoholic wife. Grown kids. Leaving would be financially devastating plus the kids would think I'm an asshoke.

Hi owukid,

I'm truly sorry for the heartbreak you're going through.

I'm a recovering alcoholic, 15 plus years, and I wish I had the secret for getting someone to get sober. Sadly, I don't.

It's all up to the person doing the drinking. Unless they see they have a problem they can't fix, not much will help.

Here are some suggestions (I realize you may have tried some of this):

Approach your wife when she is sober - never when she has been drinking, it's useless. But once she is not under the influence, she may listen to you. Think about what you want to say - that her drinking is literally destroying your entire family. Don't blame her and ask her to attend one AA meeting. Tell her she is very likely not alone in the reasons why she drinks, and that the people she meets will be happy to help her get sober, as they did.

If you have a good PCP you could also start there. My PCP referred me to a sober patient, and I was just ready to get sober.

Try to take the stigma and blame out of being an alcoholic, as hard as that may be for you. I guarantee she is in a lot of pain and sees no way out. But both of you have options. Don't feel like you're trapped because of her drinking. It feels that way, but it isn't. You have options too and deserve a happy life.

I'm sorry. I wish I had a magic wand that would help. I sponsor three guys myself, and they all had to admit first they had a real and uncontrollable problem with drinking, and then seek out help.

And I suggest you attend an Al Anon meeting where you will meet other people in your predicament. You can't get your wife sober. And so you are also dealing with a lack of control. That's frightening, but you can find help as well.

I truly hope this helps. If you think it will help, show this comment to her. You are both in a lot of pain and you both can find relief, with the help of others.

All the best to you and your wife and family.

Joe

@mic129 Everything you are feeling is completely valid and understandable. Love is not enough although it is a positive thing for both of you. I also understand not feeling like you can make it on your own. When I moved back into this house, after I found him dead here, and 28 years of him being my best friend and soulmate, I still (2 years later) have moments where my mind asks, "How can I do this alone?" I can one day at a time, one hour at a time. I have to pull my thoughts out of the future and just do what is in front of me...or "Be where my feet are..." Please continue to share here. You are probably helping others without even realizing it! Take care of yourself.

I am

@tinameyer121212 different from my condition, I knew my partner as an alcoholic, which from the beginning was not so obvious or I was the one who realized it late, you could also say that when we first met, I understood him and tried to always support him to be better every day. I am not the reason for his addiction, he admitted his addiction for more than 20 years, and his addiction seemed to just flow, even when we really lived a happy life without problems, we were always open, told everything together, supported each other, but alcohol addiction has its own way to poison his brain and lead him back into it. and what I feel right now is really losing who I am, the will to live, and depression that shackles me. don't know how to support him and be by his side, but on the other hand I am slowly breaking down, don't know what to do.

@stsopoci It's great to hear that a couple has survived and overcome their addiction. My husband and I are a new couple. Since our brief relationship, we found out he was addicted to alcohol. After a year of marriage, I finally realized how difficult it is to survive this process. But I not only love him, I also love his parents very much, which is an added strength for me. I love them, and I decided to survive.

My husband was diagnosed in 2018.. did great for 2 years and then Covid hit and it was too much.. this year he finally found a group for his age over 50. It was a new beginning for him. The younger groups just didn’t work for him he could not relate. So just keep going.. I have joined a group as well and it has made me look at this disease in a different way and look at him with more compassion.