Hi owukid,

I'm truly sorry for the heartbreak you're going through.

I'm a recovering alcoholic, 15 plus years, and I wish I had the secret for getting someone to get sober. Sadly, I don't.

It's all up to the person doing the drinking. Unless they see they have a problem they can't fix, not much will help.

Here are some suggestions (I realize you may have tried some of this):

Approach your wife when she is sober - never when she has been drinking, it's useless. But once she is not under the influence, she may listen to you. Think about what you want to say - that her drinking is literally destroying your entire family. Don't blame her and ask her to attend one AA meeting. Tell her she is very likely not alone in the reasons why she drinks, and that the people she meets will be happy to help her get sober, as they did.

If you have a good PCP you could also start there. My PCP referred me to a sober patient, and I was just ready to get sober.

Try to take the stigma and blame out of being an alcoholic, as hard as that may be for you. I guarantee she is in a lot of pain and sees no way out. But both of you have options. Don't feel like you're trapped because of her drinking. It feels that way, but it isn't. You have options too and deserve a happy life.

I'm sorry. I wish I had a magic wand that would help. I sponsor three guys myself, and they all had to admit first they had a real and uncontrollable problem with drinking, and then seek out help.

And I suggest you attend an Al Anon meeting where you will meet other people in your predicament. You can't get your wife sober. And so you are also dealing with a lack of control. That's frightening, but you can find help as well.

I truly hope this helps. If you think it will help, show this comment to her. You are both in a lot of pain and you both can find relief, with the help of others.

All the best to you and your wife and family.

Joe