Regret: A decision made and I've lost purpose & motivation

@isadora2021 moving always come with pluses and minuses…different for everyone….a gain/pain type thing…but we do need to live our own lives, free from judgements—our own and others..i moved away happily, but went back and pitched in when needed. Life is such a mix, so I decided to accept that for myself and others.

I made two decisions 50 years ago that I have regretted all my life but I put them behind me because life happened and there was always something that needed to be done. Now that the forces which pushed me forward are all gone from my life, I have had more time for reflection. I see that I could have done things very differently. There might have been a happier outcome - or maybe there wouldn't have been. There were things that I did later in life that I wouldn't have been able to do if I hadn't made those decisions. Plus, my memory of the whole thing may have softened. Regardless, I made the best decision I could at the time with the information I had. In my 70s now, physically unable to do the things I used to like to do, missing friends I used to do them with, I am at a crossroads of trying to figure out how to live a satisfying life in the present. This isn't depression. It's realizing you can't get out of the rut without making significant change. I want an adventure.

We are all human. We all make mistakes and have done stupid, embarrassing, shameful, and hurtful things in our life. While I have no idea what you did 40 years ago that is still causing you pain, I assume that it is pretty horrendous. My own shameful acts are within my last couple decades. My only advice is to find something that can reverse the harm. Not against the person(s) that you may have harmed (if that was it) since that may cause criminal or civil liabilities or may only open old pain for others, but in a karmic sense. Look for others that you can help and ease their similar pain. Put some good out there to balance the bad that you may have caused. Actually finding and working to do something can give you purpose and motivation. Good luck. Just remember the old saying that we are all villains in someone's story. All you can do is work to be the hero in someone's story.

@nycmusic So very true. This is an excellent post dealing with sliding door moments and decisions that unknown to us at the time change our lives for ever.

As a family we moved continents 3 times due to the political situation in my country of birth. Those weren’t my choices as a child, but even so there are times I do wonder how my life would have turned out. I miss that I lost my peer group, that I didn’t go to university with them and didn’t get to build my life with them. But I am also grateful for the other experiences I had.

There have been many decisions since then that have changed the course of my life (like gradually investing my life in my career, ending up not getting married despite opportunities and as a result not having children - but accepting and enjoying my nephews and nieces instead). Those accumulation of life altering decisions are what they are.

I’m lucky that I’ve been able to accept what is. I’ve had a wonderful and fulfilling life. I truly loved my job and being around my workmates and clients. I’ve been free to do so much like travel to work and travel for fun.

It would be so great if there was reincarnation and we could have a do over of those sliding door choices and so experience everything without losing any of it!!

@isadora2021 Parallel universes!

@danae25 Wouldn’t it be fabulous?!

Please get some help to help you. As you know life is too short and I would love for you to get some help about this. All the support on this lists ever is not going to help you resolve this painful ongoing feeling you have about yourself. Medicare pays for therapy. Find a good therapist who takes medicare and wants to help you work over this grim belief you have about yourself.

@isadora2021 thank you…an excellent post !

If something done 40 years ago is still troubling you, it is time for therapy, and it is time for you rid yourself of the issue. Live your life today, make it the best it can be and dont waste energy on the long ago past. Like others said, one makes the best decision one can at a given time. No point second guessing the rest of your life. Focus on positives.

Good points. I made mistakes 40 years ago and 70 years ago and 40 days ago.

Gotta go fix them (if practical) or just move on. The key word is MOVE. sitting still will get you covered in dust, mentally and physically.

I have a mail box at the road, about 50 yards away. Even on my worst days I make myself go that far.

On cold/wet days, I go to Walmart, using a cart for support, and walk the isles. I smile at people. Say ‘excuse me’ for anyone I bump into, and politely go around those getting stuff for other people with those huge - and irritating - carts as they frantically scan items and search got the next one (sure glad I never had one of those jobs).

I often find something although probably not needed. I give stuff away or donate.

I go to the bank and use the teller to get cash. The ATM is usable but I go into to engage with a LIVE person. They don’t seem to mind, thank goodness. I wish them a pleasant day and they do the same.

Smile.

Dont be a grouch.

Say ‘hello’.

Wish people a good day.

If they say nothing don’t let it bother you. It’s their problem. Don’t make it yours.

KEEP GOING. TRY IT WITH THE NEXT PERSON.

However, remain cautious. Going out does have its risks. Parking lots are dangerous places. Other people are in a hurry, meeting work or family schedules. Let them go first, and SMILE as they pass and look again to see if there is another driver in a hurry coming from the other direction. There often is.

Don’t go in the dark. Use your head. We are old people and there are some who may try to use their youth and strength against us. Don’t give them the opportunity.

Don’t put ALL the important stuff about you in one container (purse, wallet). If it goes away have something left to get home.

I rarely make left hand turns without a green arrow. I adjust my route, including to the drug store, to use them. It takes longer but getting there and returning safely is important. My driving skills have deteriorated some.

We’re old but not inept.

Get up.

Do something.

Check the mail.

Nothing there? Congratulations. Checking is an accomplishment. Getting something was second most important.

Check again tomorrow, even if it’s a Federal holiday because getting any mail is not the important part. Getting up is.