Regret: A decision made and I've lost purpose & motivation

@lacy2
Very well written and helpful to me. I am so sorry about the situation with your parents. I get what you are telling us about how sad you feel. I have so many regrets about all the times I disappointed my parents (a lot of the time due to selfishness and 'me, me', me' )regardless of what they wanted or needed. Physically I was 'there' but at the same time ignored their needs or wants. I frequently ask for God's forgiveness and I know if they were here they would forgive me also.

Carrying regret is a burden that never improves the present ( where we should strive to be). Here’s s buddist story that I use to remind me of that:

The tale of two monks and a woman is a well-known Buddhist parable. The story goes that two monks were traveling together, a senior and a junior. They came to a river with a strong current where a young woman was waiting, unable to cross alone. She asks the monks if they would help her across the river. Without a word and in spite of the sacred vow he’d taken not to touch women, the older monk picks her up, crosses, and sets her down on the other side. The younger monk joins them across the river and is aghast that the older monk has broken his vow but doesn’t say anything. An hour passes as they travel on. Then two hours. Then three. Finally, the now quite agitated younger monk can stand it no longer: “Why did you carry that woman when we took a vow as monks not to touch women?” The older monk replies, “I set her down hours ago by the side of the river. Why are you still carrying her?”

@pb50 regarding getting back to sleep, I have a personal, spiritual prayer of gratitude and slowly go through it with deep breathing…i go back to sleep easily, never finish it.. on some occasions I try to remember details of different homes I lived in…soft music is another …we each can create a few of these to get back to sleep…rarely is the night that one of those doesn’t work for me… Wishing you all sweet dreams !

I relate. Past 80 and certainly had my ups and downs mentally and pysically. What works for one person doesnt for another.... Just a sentence I read recently that in our past we do remember the horrible things that happened to us, the mistakes etc. because, they said, they were so hurtful .. vivid recall; but that often we do not keep remembering many happy times. I suppose thats true for me: I have managed to cope over the years but its mostly the nights I cant sleep and even though listening to you tube meditation supportive tapes etc., sometimes barely hear what they are saying because my mind relives some very poor decisions I made (like leaving my family in another country at the age of 18 and not being there to help aging parents, etc. etc., etc. HOW can anyone really understand the depth of that pain. It's my pain to carry and honestly doesnt matter what others say, it will never leave me - always in the background ... worse now I am older and have adult children to help me - my Mother didnt. Best of luck... take care, J.

@lacy2 @mtnmarge
Interesting to read your post. I also moved away from my parents and siblings at age 29. Fortunately for me due to how life unfolded I was able to go back to see my family through the years and then be there quite often to help my parents...however...it would have been nice to have been more help in between if I had lived closer. In reality due to the dynamics of the family it was also best for me to be at a distance. Always two sides to everything.

I often explain to young people what they have to consider and realize some of the realities if they want to consider moving away from family. Sometimes and most times people don't have enough time and money to do both, meaning vacation where and how they want to vacation and or visit family members .....meaning a vacation other than going home to visit family and parents. And then how and what one will be able to do or not be able to do in the period of time when a parent becomes ill and the reality of how or able one will be to help one's parent with living at a distance.
Reality is that early decisions one makes in one's life do somehow in time come back to bite us in different ways, but we all have to live our lives and learn how to help ourselves live and deal with the decisions we made.

It would be wonderful if everything we did or all the decisions we made were perfect. Nothing is perfect...rather there is a great deal of imperfection.....the reality of life.
Barbara