Regret: A decision made and I've lost purpose & motivation

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@zorro12345
I think we need to be gentle with each other.
This “Buck up, ya big baby” attitude is not helpful.

I spoke with my minister about this same issue. I had been tormented about the way I treated my kids, snarky and mean comments I made to people decades ago that I sincerely regret. I’m 73. I asked if he’d heard this a lot from his elderly parishioners. He said, yes. A lot. He said what it indicates is a kindness deep in your soul. He said other things that I can’t remember but that stuck with me and I felt much better.
Good on you that you’re still working! I really liked one poster’s comment to feed your passion for art by visiting museums. It will lift your spirits, gets you out among other people and outside of your poor brain that is working overtime on this. Hugs to you.

Amen !

@blm1007blm1007

I also made the decision to move far away from home. So far it has been a good decision. I really began to live being me and not trying to compete with my dad. In somethings he was definitely smarter than me. In others I think I excelled way past him! Little things that he learned disappeared on him. His college chemistry book had a full chapter on car batteries. The opening page of the chapter had in big bright red letters. "Do Not put salt in a lead-acid battery! His seven-year old Buick still had the original car battery and it stopped holding a charge. He took the battery apart and cleaned he plates. The lead plates had holes and pits on them. He put fresh acid (sulfuric) and it still wouldn't hold a charge. He remembered something about salt and batteries. He took some salt pellets from the water softener, crushed them and added the salt to the battery. The salt didn't help charge the battery which began to give off chlorine gas!

@rollingf Sounds much like I tell....as my story.
Brought up in New Jersey but grew up in OKC.
Yes, for me also..... it was a good thing for me in the big picture having left the 'nest."
Barbara

@carol222 I’m so sad that a decision you made 40 years ago has removed your purpose and wrecked your life. Thats a huge burden to be carrying and I send sincere condolences for your loss. At the same time I am so impressed how you have managed your life nevertheless, and pressed on.

I’ve read all of the comments and they show how very different we are.

I hope you can make peace with whatever that decision was and why you made it at the time. I do hope you find a way to rediscover your lost purpose in a new and different way.

I have made many decisions throughout my 78 years. And done many things. For those that I regret I try not to lose the lesson that comes from that regret. Developing compassion for myself as a flawed human who is learning from all of my experiences has been helpful. Punishing myself is not useful and is counterproductive to becoming a better human. Live! Live fully and gratefully. No need to punish yourself and constrict your life.

Your mistake was forty years ago. It was a good idea at the time. It turned out disastrous. What did you do to correct it?

This is February 2026. Life goes on and you should also. Learn from your mistakes. Every morning starts with a blank page. Fill it with excellence.

Regret is a peculiar human emotion. It's a very "inward" emotion, a kind of extended and painfully remembered "oops!" that gnaws at our sense of who we believe we are. We can regret in secret.

My dog is remarkably observant and has a fine memory. She uses her mind to anticipate and cause good things to happen (treats, play, supper, walks, cuddles) and to avoid things she dislikes (nail trimming and baths) but I don't see her indulging in regret. Her mind is focused on the present and near future.

In my later 70s I'm still learning how to use my memory.
I've learned lots of good things and I rarely remember when and how I learned them. I apply my good memory to something happening now.

But regrets are something else.
One thing about those things I wish I hadn't done is that I didn't understand what it would cost me or someone else. Sometimes I didn't understand until decades later. Sometimes it was just a dumb word that didn't need to be said.

Well, the life of dreams, hopes and possibilities that I'm trying to navigate is more extensive than the hopes of my beautiful dog.
We people (at least some of us) have very big aspirations, and most of them are likely to fail.
If we want to avoid regret we should dream as little as possible and be satisfied with what comes easily to us.
Of course we might then regret not having tried to extend our horizons, not trying to expand our lives just a little bit beyond our first given lot.

There you have it: Guaranteed regret.
It's the cost of trying. No one's alone in this.