Regret: A decision made and I've lost purpose & motivation

@bettes Someone sent me a personal message that came directly to me. Not sure how to do this on here but will look into it.

@bettes Someone sent me a personal message that came directly to me. Not sure how to do this on here but will look into it.

@rashida we musicians know that, in performance there’s no time to worry about a mistake, the music must go on…and we resolve that when a mistake happens, to make the best of each moment going forward, (almost) like that mistake didn’t happen…just a little ‘upbeat’ philosophy for the ‘down’ moments we all experience…wishing you better days ahead !

I relate. Past 80 and certainly had my ups and downs mentally and pysically. What works for one person doesnt for another.... Just a sentence I read recently that in our past we do remember the horrible things that happened to us, the mistakes etc. because, they said, they were so hurtful .. vivid recall; but that often we do not keep remembering many happy times. I suppose thats true for me: I have managed to cope over the years but its mostly the nights I cant sleep and even though listening to you tube meditation supportive tapes etc., sometimes barely hear what they are saying because my mind relives some very poor decisions I made (like leaving my family in another country at the age of 18 and not being there to help aging parents, etc. etc., etc. HOW can anyone really understand the depth of that pain. It's my pain to carry and honestly doesnt matter what others say, it will never leave me - always in the background ... worse now I am older and have adult children to help me - my Mother didnt. Best of luck... take care, J.

@lacy2
Very well written and helpful to me. I am so sorry about the situation with your parents. I get what you are telling us about how sad you feel. I have so many regrets about all the times I disappointed my parents (a lot of the time due to selfishness and 'me, me', me' )regardless of what they wanted or needed. Physically I was 'there' but at the same time ignored their needs or wants. I frequently ask for God's forgiveness and I know if they were here they would forgive me also.

Concerning getting back to your art practice…I am also an artist. I’m 66 and am more productive with my art than I have ever been. I regret not honing my skills and using my talents at a much younger age. But was busy raising my kids and taking care of my household. Although, I did use my skills in my house and a few other places by painting murals on walls.

I also wasted time thinking I wasn’t good enough.

But I have discovered I can do a lot of things. And, amazingly enough, social media has been helpful in that area. I say “amazingly” because social media CAN be, and often is, a big time waster and destructive. But it has helped me have ideas, and while watching reels of people doing all these creative things, I find myself thinking “I can do that”. And I CAN and I DO.

I do all kinds of home DIY projects. But I’ve also gotten into watercolor more. I don’t sell my art, but I did donate some to a silent auction once. I’ve given them as gifts. One year at Christmas time, I included a 4x6 painting in every Christmas card I sent out. I had to start a month in advance and I tried to paint something that would mean something to the recipient…their pet with a Santa hat on, their state bird in the snow, etc. And for the past couple of years, for every gift I’ve given, I’ve painted a small personalized 2x3 gift card to attach. My daughter in law saves hers and her children’s in their memory books.

It’s just a small way for me to express and share my creativity.

Maybe doing something like that or getting inspired through watching YouTube, Facebook, or Instagram reels would be helpful to you, too.

@bettes Thank you. Appreciate your comments. Do you have any thoughts about getting back to a practice you loved and can't seem to be able to do it?

Maybe it is a dynamic of being in the “twilight” phase. I have noticed it most when I wake up in the middle of the night. As I am trying to go back to sleep it seems my brain is determined to review a catalogue of a lifetime of bad decisions and personal failures. I am not typically Debbie Downer, so I am unsure what biochemistry is contributing to this phenomena. But it is highly annoying.

Now I just turn on the tv to something mindless that can distract my brain and then I set the timer to turn off a bit later.

For what it’s worth, I am taking Magnesium L-Threonate now which seems to help minimize that phenomena, since it seems beneficial for sleep (and constipation caused by other medication).

Hope that is helpful!