Feeling cheated

@kjc48 Well said. I recently found that there is a daycare for seniors 7 miles for us. They have different programs offered 2 days a week open from 8am to 5pm for $1195 month. She said it runs about $15 an hour. Whereas day care to your home is $40 hour. I did call to get info and said we might stop by one day. I honestly don’t know if at this point my husband would be happy with that he just loves being with me and like you at what stage do you consider this? I would tend to look for some daycare in my home? One day at a time, I certainly would t take him if he didn’t like it?

@kjc48
Hi, I haven't done this yet myself, but perhaps you could look up the local ADRC in your area, every State has one, and they can help connect you with caregiving services.
All the best. 🌺
(Aging and Disability Resource Connection)

@grandmajoan
Yes, Joan, I too want to escape and even yelled that at my husband a few days ago when I was having a meltdown. "I just want to leave and I need to get away from you!"
Very bad choice on my part.
I hope my apology got through to him. Trouble forgiving myself, now.
Misery loves company, so keep posting!
Heavy sigh. 🫂

@jeanadair123 All these golden nuggets from this coveted connect site. I stayed churned up over this, but this site actually helps anchor me every day, why I always try to post something of value. Many of us don't have enough friends - at this stage of our life - making it difficult to talk and get support. And even with friends or neighbors, I'm reluctant to say much about what's taking place with my husband's MCI. I found where I live it's a taboo subject, sad, since it happens to so many people that need friends, quality care and the love and compassion from others. Along with the caregiver, that needs that same love and compassion. So thank you for sharing about the daycare for seniors....I think we'll know when it's time to consider a day care. At least I hope so....

I know women who appear to have been so loving and kind as their husbands went through the process of dementia. Of course, I can't know what was really going on with them. I do not feel loving and kind. I feel crabby, angry even, and exasperated much of the time. I'm getting frown lines. Most of us have probably heard the story of the man who visits his wife every day in memory care even though she doesn't know who he is. He explains that's okay because he knows who she is. That probably won't be me, but who knows. Have you read the"Thursday Murder Club" series? Elizabeth is so patient with her husband Steven as he slips into dementia. That isn't me. We've been married for 58 years and still I can't rise up to that. I don't like myself. Is there a question here? No, I'm just venting too. But it does help to know we aren't the only ones.

I hear the same things, get help from whom? We have no family and most of my friends have their own issues to deal with being in the same age as we are. My husband is 9 years older than I am. It’s a lot to deal with lately my husband wants to go everywhere with me even if he doesn’t get out the car. Today was a bad day, the weather has been pouring down so I decided to go out early and get bagels and do some grocery shopping all went well until I came out the grocery store and had a dead battery luckily the local mall has security and gave me a jump to get home and then I called AAA. My husband has hearing aids he won’t use so now I find my voice is hoarse all the time, he keeps putting tissues in the laundry hamper, who knows where anything could be in the kitchen and he always takes my black pants thinking they are his and I have to spend a lot of time looking for the above. Just to name a few I find I have to be 10 steps ahead and as much as I would like to leave something out for a minute I know whatever it is will disappear in seconds. Minor I know but the other day I was cooking and as soon as I put the spatula down he took it and washed it before I even realized it was gone. My patience is not good anymore and since I have to repeat things 3 times my voice is getting worse. He saw a neurologist finally the other day, I asked him not to mention dementia but say it was a normal test for the elderly, the first thing out of his mouth was your wife said you have a memory problem, I also told him not to mention his cancer and that was another thing he said but I interrupted and changed the subject as Dan doesn’t know he has it. Dr ordered a mri to see if he had had a stroke or just what it will show and if medication might help. Not sure we will try that he is already on Lupron for his cancer which has side effects although he seems to be doing remarkably well on it.
Well! Enough of my whining for one day. Just take it a day at a time my girlfriend goes in the bedroom and cry’s.

@carolreid I understand where you’re coming from. I have all of the same feelings. I am not a saint and I am not able to fake being a saint. We get this disease thrown into our lives and feel like we’re expected to be stoic, pull the pieces together and be a wonderful example of the perfect caregiver. Not everyone is cut from that cloth. My husband likes to try and turn the tables on me. He comes to me all concerned and says “Are you alright? You spend so much time in your office all day and you’re so mad all the time”. I’m trying to keep my head above water with all of my new responsibilities, I’m so overwhelmed and I can’t even turn to him for condolences. I also set myself apart to avoid the constant announcements, narrations and surmising all day.
I’m just rambling now…. But you get the gist.

@jeanadair123 oh my gosh, my husband puts everything away that I’m using or left out because I will be using it soon, too. He empties the dishwasher before I get to it and puts things away where I can’t find them and wonders what big deal is…

@carolreid I understand where you’re coming from. I have all of the same feelings. I am not a saint and I am not able to fake being a saint. We get this disease thrown into our lives and feel like we’re expected to be stoic, pull the pieces together and be a wonderful example of the perfect caregiver. Not everyone is cut from that cloth. My husband likes to try and turn the tables on me. He comes to me all concerned and says “Are you alright? You spend so much time in your office all day and you’re so mad all the time”. I’m trying to keep my head above water with all of my new responsibilities, I’m so overwhelmed and I can’t even turn to him for condolences. I also set myself apart to avoid the constant announcements, narrations and surmising all day.
I’m just rambling now…. But you get the gist.

@kjc48 Great words of wisdom you hit the nail on the head. I have a really close friend who I can tell anything, but for some reason, I never go into depth’s into my situation although in a way she would understand because her mother had dementia yet at the same time she lived next door to her and she also had a husband so she had moral support at home. I don’t want to say too much to her because she is my best friend and if I say anything negative, she worries about me and she is always on my side besides, I don’t want to say anything negative about my husband. He has been my rock for 40+ years, we just seem to have good days or I think we’re having good days and then all of a sudden things change in seconds today has been a good day apart from me, putting the laundry on the floor and he picked it up and started folding it to put it away. 😂😂 One can’t help me smile. It would be nice if we all knew where each other was located since we understand each other you never know In this small world, we could live around the corner from each other? Well I must continue with laundry, have a good day.