How do I add aging issues to a life I have never been happy in?

@kayraymat 😮🤦‍♀️

I'm gonna be tough here, not going to give a bunch of platitudes. I will be honest, stop feeling sorry for yourself. All of us have good and bad days, all of us at time dislike ourselves. Stop hating yourself! Change your attitude, yes you can, I don't want to hear you can't. As for your teeth implants, don't think of it as a way to improve looks, think of how it will benefit your over all health, because you can now eat a proper meal. Lord above I am 77 and you think at my age my body is beautiful? Nope, but do I let it make my life miserable? Nope, I love life, I love being able to go outside and see all the beauty around me. Get out of your own head and open your heart to others around you. Love yourself as is and stop trying to be perfect, because frankly none of us are.

@maryje
There is nothing I hate more than being told to knock it off, get over it, stop feeling sorey for yourself! Do you not think I tell myself that everyday? Do you think I am stupid on top of everything else? I have beat myself up compounding my horrible self image. I would say to you that not everyone can do that and it is not from lack of trying. I know one person who committed suicide and I do not think for one minute that friend of mine did it because they firgot to tell themself to stop feeling sorry for themself. As to getting out of my head, Ibused to volunteer all the time, go to homeless shelters, soup kitchens in Detroit but I am no longer able tobdo that because of GI issues. So I come here to find some relief. No people are not perfect and neither am I so forgive me for my deppression and the inability to just "stop feeling sorry for myself". I will stop posting so as not offend others. I guess forums like this are for people to just post positive, make believe fake stuff, kind of like facebook. Like I said, I will stop posting. I thought I could express how I feel here.

It is good for you to to share how you feel and I have been where you are right now, and it was difficult to change my mindset that I had to be perfect in order to love myself. Aging is part of life.

@grasping
Social worker/psychotherapist here, 30 years in practice, now retired, almost. Major depressive disorder is horribly painful. The definition includes feeling terribly sad, hopeless and helpless to do anything about it, and little or no ability to enjoy life. Well-meaning people suggesting you simply put on a happy face only adds to the burden... as if you were too stupid to have tried the obvious perky things already. It's pretty clear you hate feeling the way you do, and you've tried everything you can think of. From my experience the thing that can help is the good luck to find the right therapist, which I hope you have, someone caring, patient, empathic and smart, and just hanging in there. Mark Twain said "It's easy to quit smoking; I've done it a hundred times." Research shows that every time you try again you improve your chances of achieving your goal and one reason is you've figured out what doesn't work for you. My strong belief is you CAN teach old dogs new tricks, and this is from experience. (Read: "The Brain That Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge for good research evidence). On another note; regarding aging, Philip Larkin (one of) my favorite poets, takes a very dark (I think realistic) perspective. In his poem "Aubade" he points out how hard it is to try to blot out the bitter realities of life, they ARE bitter, and it becomes more difficult as we age, losses pile up, and the ultimate destination doesn't look great. Religious beliefs help many, lucky for them, but not everyone. In the meantime all we have is each other, and as the wise folks at AA say: Keep coming back... (it's the relationships that heal, and from which we keep picking up pointers.)

@maryje My wife is 78 and her body has changed but I still find her to be the most drop dead gorgeous woman I have seen. Wrinkles, lumps, dents, everything heads south, so what? She is still fabulous. And, of course, the same thing is happening to me! Aging, in my mind, beats the alternative. As far as attitude? Some people can not change. Most will not. We tend to get complacent in our misery but that doesn’t mean everyone has the ability to "brighten up!" I will say that if one wakes every morning with the Eeyore mind set of "oh bother" you’ve already set the daily tone. I suggest wakening with a loud and forceful "maybe today is the day!" Think that thought for a minute. Or two. Try that every day and maybe, hopefully, that thought remains in your mind longer and longer with time. One’s way of thinking can sometimes change. Anyone who has successfully completed military boot camp can vouch for that. ✌️

@soarus57
I will try that starting right now. Thank you

@grasping We all have rough times. Sometimes waking up and thinking positive is just not going to happen. Most of the time, I wake up, take a deep breath and say out load "ok world, here I come" which is my morning mantra. Now and then, my outlook darkens quickly but more often than not, I get extended periods of happiness or, and this isn’t bad either, periods with no anger, frustration, sadness or regrets. If you’ve never had hard times, you wouldn’t know when times are good. ✌️

@soarus57, I agree, that's how I was able to overcome my depression and down days. It was not easy by any means. I still do that to this day. It was a choice I had to make or my life would be miserable. Someone said in a movie and I agree, " aging is not for the weak"

@grasping
As an 82 year old, maybe I can say that my face has aged ten years eight times.
But of course it's WRONG comparison. Yours aged ten years in a very short time.

But I say this just to assert that one's shape or looks may have little to do with the satisfaction one may have with their life whether young, middle aged or old -- as I am with some infirmities but never a thought about my looks which have changed no doubt. But I won't try to hide, in fact a long white hair in my eyebrow sprouts now and then and I trim it only to not interfere with my vision. It IS who I am with few hair all white ; no point not accepting, and EVERY point there to keep it as-it-is, if only to remind me of my limited time on earth. Indeed it helps me to not waste on matters that I might regret having not given enough attention to. Indeed old age forces me to plan each hour more judiciously. This helps me to go to sleep tired and rise refreshed (incl of course other sensible lifestyle habits) It is this living that gives me assurance that I am OK; looks are entirely irrelevant. Frankly, I'd rather have over coffee someone who I can have a delightful engaging conversation that will make me even forget whether it's a man or woman! Yes, it happens as gender is the last thing that matters.

Honestly. That's the power of good conversation (and good friendship that I'd love to have, everything else just fades away and the person's ideas and observations fill the space between us. It's a 'happiness' though I call it simply satisfaction with life. of having lived it as purposefully as I wish to.

I Hope it helps you!
(Oh, Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, asks us: Are you worthy of your suffering? Tenderly Shocking!