Shocked by aging process

@nohrt4me

A followup to your Number 1 point which is about future-tripping:

When I find myself doing it, I make myself smile and quit by saying to myself, Mark Twain’s words: “ I have survived many catastrophes in my life. Most of which never happened “

@methel Great line! You can always count on Mark Twain (and HL Mencken) as a good counterpoint to neurosis!

I am turning 65 soon and am really getting rudely tuned in lately to my mortality by degenerative conditions that threaten my mobility and independence and general health. I’ve always forged my own path and been physically strong. Suddenly I am draining financial investments instead of growing them, and measuring out my remaining years against them. Am I really going to have to leave my little house one day? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Lol.
Yes, brisk exercise and closer attention to diet certainly do help. Cohorts at the dog park share stories of aches and pains and we support each other. Although there is now a note of grimness behind our miles-long daily walks, there is indeed also humour and mutual support and gratitude for what we still can do. You really do have to appreciate your own good fortune and help someone worse off. I mean, there’s no going back, is there.
(Is there?)

@nI ohrt4me
The 12 steps are wonderful

Yes, aging is a real challenge. I'm 87 and my PCP told me last week that I look "much younger than my stated age," and I said, "oh, you say that to all the girls." Later, I discovered that it's a medical thing, part of the assessment process. Looking younger than your age indicates you're probably in better shape than average, more able to withstand invasive treatments, etc., In terms of good things about aging, always looking for examples and ways to stay out of the pits. Today I read the Loyola U. magazine devoted entirely to Sister Jean Dolores Schmidt, BVM, who recently died at the age of 104. She was a welcoming committee of one when I enrolled at Mundelein College in l972 or '3, having just discovered it as I signed my kids up for the laboratory preschool they ran. (Sadly, Mundelein was folded into Loyola in the 90's.) Changed my life; after getting a B.A. in l980. I went on to an A.M. at the University of Chicago, graduated in '85 and began a 30+ year career as a social worker/psychotherapist. Am about retired now, due to Long Covid (ugh) and aging (big ugh). What Sr. Jean taught us was "Be cheerful; take care of other people and encourage them, and be grateful for all you have." She would add, trust in God, pray a lot and expect to go to heaven, which, admittedly is a bigger challenge for me. But yes, the 12 Steps of AA are a great path to peace, and ultimately suggest that, having acquired whatever gifts you have, pass it on. A recovering person I'm familiar with has written a prayer: "Thank you for all you've given me, for all you've taken away, and for all I still have left, for it's enough." Gratitude! Working at it.

@janeaddams
Correction: Sister Jean died at 106, not 104.

@nohrt4me

I completely agree that we must live in the present moment - not fret about the past an not worry about the future. "Today is the tomorrow that worried you yesterday, and all is well." I think Dale Carnegie wrote this, but I'm not certain who wrote it. I love it. And my mother always used to say, "Que sera sera." What will be will be. We are limited in what we can do to control what is going on in the world around us. The only thing we can control is our own thoughts, actions, and deeds.

I also agree that we are here to serve those less fortunate than ourselves; that is, if we truly open the eyes of our souls, we sill see that there is at least one opportunity a day to make a person's life a little better. Caring for others is never the wrong choice. These are not my words - I have quoted these words from a book I read by Carolyn Myss (I think that's her name).

Al Anon and AA are certainly imperfect organizations, but I truly admire and respect that their mission is to help people who struggle with alcohol addiction or those who have family members who are addicted. To me, this is to be applauded and it is quite remarkable when a family member's life is turned around (or saved) through the help of AA . At the same time, if I need help, I am more comfortable in a one to one setting with a psychologist (rather than a group AA setting).

I would be so grateful to receive your reading list...reading is my passion and favorite thing to do in life. I am dying for new material to read.

Thank you,
Madelyn
Temecula, California

@shmerdloff
So true! We have choices to have our "oh poor me" pity party, or put on our big girl pants and give ourselves an attitude adjustment and be happy. The choice is ours.

@robertaeh
To age about 44 we are expanding. After that, the contraction begins.- s l o w l y. One day it hits us - this is downhill. I didn't sign up for this. In the west, we try going backwards to reclaim our youth. Plastic surgery, hair plugs, supplements , every snake oil potion on line. It doesn't work. We should be in the chronological place we are. Think and behave accordingly. It's actually easier. King Solomon said something like " The day of your death is better than the day of your birth, because on the day of your death, you now know what your life was, and what Life is."
Bill Murray said this in Caddy Shack describing his encounter with the Dalai Lama.
I never could accept the end of things: summer, family gatherings, camp, junking an old car that I drove for years, my girlfriend.
Then Leonard Cohen did "Closing Time." Someone finally taught me that THINGS END. Get used to it!
If you don't want things to end, don't get them started. Zen Buddhism: Only the unborn are the undying.
We have Life/Death. Can't escape it. Instead of agonizing over the existential issue, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO (with your gift of Life) IN BETWEEN the two.
I still have a hard time hearing the song The Party's Over.❤️

I have had a chronic cancer for 11 years. Mobility, appearance, and energy are all on the downward slide. I no longer fear death. I do fear the godawful end-of-life care on offer in modern America--a warehouse without dignity or privacy, the cost of which beggars your family, and inadequate symptom and pain control.

I am grateful every day for being able to call my own shots. Sometimes I miss being cute and looking good in a skirt and heels. But I am less impulsive and a lot wiser. So there's that.