Shocked by aging process

I have had a chronic cancer for 11 years. Mobility, appearance, and energy are all on the downward slide. I no longer fear death. I do fear the godawful end-of-life care on offer in modern America--a warehouse without dignity or privacy, the cost of which beggars your family, and inadequate symptom and pain control.

I am grateful every day for being able to call my own shots. Sometimes I miss being cute and looking good in a skirt and heels. But I am less impulsive and a lot wiser. So there's that.

@nohrt4me what about palliative medicine ?

I am 71. I'm not very spiritual or religious. I learned a lot in AlAnon that help me deal with life in this last phase. Yes, 12-step programs can be cult-y for a lot of people, and they were made up by alcoholics, so they are kinda weird and imperfect. But two things I took away from my time in the program:

1. Learn to stop future tripping about your problems and focus on what you can do today.

2. Try to be of service to somebody before you go to bed tonight. I have a lot of fatigue, but never so much that I can't send somebody a text, cuddle my cats, or say something nice to my husband and son. It goes a little way toward giving life purpose.

Also: I am a former English prof and have a great reading list of books about protagonists over age 50 if anybody wants it! I recently enjoyed David Lodge's "Deaf Sentence."

@nycmusic Not sure of your question? I don't have pain or discomfort that is untreated because I can still call my own shots.

@robertaeh
To age about 44 we are expanding. After that, the contraction begins.- s l o w l y. One day it hits us - this is downhill. I didn't sign up for this. In the west, we try going backwards to reclaim our youth. Plastic surgery, hair plugs, supplements , every snake oil potion on line. It doesn't work. We should be in the chronological place we are. Think and behave accordingly. It's actually easier. King Solomon said something like " The day of your death is better than the day of your birth, because on the day of your death, you now know what your life was, and what Life is."
Bill Murray said this in Caddy Shack describing his encounter with the Dalai Lama.
I never could accept the end of things: summer, family gatherings, camp, junking an old car that I drove for years, my girlfriend.
Then Leonard Cohen did "Closing Time." Someone finally taught me that THINGS END. Get used to it!
If you don't want things to end, don't get them started. Zen Buddhism: Only the unborn are the undying.
We have Life/Death. Can't escape it. Instead of agonizing over the existential issue, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO (with your gift of Life) IN BETWEEN the two.
I still have a hard time hearing the song The Party's Over.❤️

@shmerdloff
So true! We have choices to have our "oh poor me" pity party, or put on our big girl pants and give ourselves an attitude adjustment and be happy. The choice is ours.

Thank you. I will look for that book!

@shmerdloff
still thinking about it. Even Neil Diamond can't escape it

@meh3 Found a used copy o Amazon for $6.00 with free shipping!