Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

@kmliste yes, it is exhausting and very stressful. Participating here and reading everyone’s comments helps me - I don’t feel so alone. My husband also gets confused and forgetful when his environment changes - so Christmas and New Year’s was hard for him. He couldn’t remember who was coming to visit or dinner or where we were going and kept asking me questions about it. A year or two ago it drove me crazy, but now I have learned to just answer him clearly each time. It keeps things much more relaxed that way. I don’t know what the future might bring, so I try to enjoy what we have now - but truly sometimes it’s very hard.

@elm123 I'm trying to do the same thing; enjoy what we have now. and I'm trying so hard not to "ruminate" over all of this. I said I wasn't going to start the year with medical issues, and the phone rang this morning, and now there is something else to deal with. All of it, is so troubling as when we worked full time, in a job/career, who had time, but then we were young and we weren't faced with all of this. I remember everything about cancer, both my parents died from it, I never heard anything about mild cognitive impairment, althzeimer's etc., but it had to be there back then. Yes, I'm trying to answer clearly too, and enjoy what we still have. Thanks for your share.

Good morning. I am new to this group. Presently, I do not know for sure what I am dealing with because we are awaiting a neurology appointment for a specific diagnosis. My husband has prostate cancer, being treated, and we just transferred care from NY to Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville. He also has severe back pain which he has been dealing with for 2 years. He has had kyphoplasty, laminectomy, and injections. He has been in PT for 18 months and was walking much better until about 3 months ago when he began with severe back pain in lower lumbar. Finally, he is scheduled for fusion at the end of the month. Over the past 3 months, his quality of life has deteriorated because of the lack of motion from not walking well. He uses a walker all the time. This is new for the past 3 months. What has changed is mentally he seems to become like a different person in the early or later evening, and if he awakens during his sleep, he is a different person, almost like sleepwalking. He doesn't recognize me and becomes agitated if I try to talk to him. I don't know how to deal with this all. We have a neurology appointment, but until the appointment, I feel like I am in the dark as to what I should be doing. He is always back to himself in the morning. This is very new over the last couple of weeks. I have joined this group as I am struggling with how to deal with this all. Thank you for reading my story.

@islanders1952 Sounds like he has sundown syndrome, most often related to some type of dementia and the neurologist should help you get a proper diagnosis and make some reccomendations. If the wait is long for the neurologist, consult his primary care physician. Some medications could make this worse (opiods for pain, sedatives, sleeping pills). But it is important to get a thorough neurologic evaluation (possibly neuropsychological testing) and a diagnosis. Good luck.

@islanders1952 I am commenting on my own post because I would like to add that the mental condition I speak of has basically started in the last 3 months since all of this other scheduling has come about. I thought it could possibly be connected to stress or pain, but have no idea. Can anyone relate?

@wctdoc1943 Thank you for sharing. My husband first has the sundown issue 2 years ago in the hospital where he went to the ER for the extreme back pain and they administered opiods. We now know he has no tolerance for those meds and it is in his file. He does not take any of the others you mentioned. We did go to primary care 2 days ago and all the doctor did was refer us to the neurologist. It is a Feb. 10th appointment. Thanks again for answering me. It is most helpful.

@islanders1952: My heart goes out to you! I can relate to the episodes you are forced to tolerate with no way to help. I am experiencing similar “chaos” with my husband and unfortunately have not found anything to better our situation!
Our Dr just says it is “age-related” (90this yr) and he is doing well. Of course I notice husband is very conscious to show his best responses to Dr. I’ve asked about those OTC memory pills and Dr says they are a waste of money?!?
If I have an emphany you will be the first to know.
We all have problems, but I am an oncology patient taking treatments - so this added responsibility for his well-being is difficult. No family is interested or understands, so no cavalry is coming.
Day to day is all we have… I’ll make today a good one! 🙂

These are very trying times. How appropriate. I have the same situation and sometimes I feel sorry for myself. I have been caregiving on and off 8 years. He is still active and can do things but he has had surgeries and recently a fall with fractured pelvis meaning more work. But his short term memory is awful. He was supposed to see a neurologist but then said there was nothing wrong with him. His memory is fine. Yes it is because I am answering the same questions over and over and it is on appointments current things and I took find that now have to be at all appointments because he comes away with things not quite right or how he wants to hear them. It would certainly be helpful to me if he would acknowledge it and get whatever help is available or know it so work on it. If I start getting annoyed, he expresses his unhappiness.
I get out and play cardsm mahjong, see my friends, go to the gym (this helps a lot) and keep to my routine or I will go nuts. It surely takes an enormous amount of patience. One other thing we are thinking about is that we too, the wife, are aging and thinking about the remaining period of our life when we might have other ideas on how we manage that - such as I would like to have been in a smaller house before now and he won’t do it. I sometimes complain to myself or my group - what about my life. I feel like his emergency contact and personal assistant. Keep your friends close. We all need each other.

@frieda75
Hello: just a comment regarding you saying you wish your husband would acknowledge his issues and work on it; caution that if he has the same issue as my husband, being anosognosia (no self-awareness), he has no knowledge of his issues, so he can't 'work on it'. Folks are also very good at masking in the early stages so they present as having no issues at the Doc. You may want to start taking anecdotal notes when you notice behaviors or speech that are outside of his normal. This way you have solid examples you can summarize when it's time to go to the doctor.
All the best. 🫂

My wife is aware that she has "memory" issues, but seems oblivious to her other cognitive deficits (mainly executive functioning). She also seems to think that I am unaware of her memory loss. She is easily antagonized and irritated and hyperemotional. Reason and logic are ineffective with her. I try to go along to get along. She often rants at me (things not true) and I mostly ignore it and it eventually peters out. She can also be sweet and loving. Currently I'm having more good days than bad nights. I do my best to stay on an even keel and not engage when she gets a bit out of control. Her premorbid personality was on the confrontational side, so this behavior does not surprise me, though it is hard to accept. I understand she did not choose to have this horrible condition and cannot help herself and I am responsible for both of us. She has a sister who is willing to help (my wife has no children), but she (wife) will not go to her sister's home (100 miles away) to give me respite, but her sister will come here for a few days. We're all trying to survive a disease that has no good options at this time. Hugs all 🤗🤗🤗.