Husband diagnosed MCI: He is in denial and personality is changing

You ARE young. You obviously have no love left in this relationship to be the soldier so leave him if doing so will give you the relief you feel you need. I would think you have much to consider like financials, legal matters, and just who goes where and gets what the two of you own. Dropping the emotional part of all of the issues may allow you to think pragmatically and make decisions which will give you peace. You only get one life and at the stage you are, you may have to look elsewhere to live your life.

I am not in the boat you are in. My husband is cheerful and still tries to be helpful even as I have to direct him through the minor details of what he perceives as useful to ease my day. Even with his pleasantness, it is difficult managing his colostomy, incontinence, and cancer, being the driver, doing the shopping, paying the bills, and overseeing the maintenance of a house that we love but often needs repairs. I frequently want a life that does not revolve around another's needs 24-7. I might get into trouble here, but one of the platitudes said to make those who are dying on the inside is "God does not give you more than you can handle." I don't believe anyone has the right to tell you how much is enough. Only you know what your limit is. I recently had an 87th birthday. So, I think I have a little wisdom to pass on. Weigh your options and responsibilities carefully. Be decent with your choices. Try everything in your power to make the situation better. If, in the end, nothing changes and leaving is the only option, do it. There will be sadness, but sometimes the only thing that can be salvaged is the knowledge that you have done your best. -- GloRo

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My husband can sometimes say mean things that he would never have said before dementia took it's toll. But mostly he's still loving and grateful for any little thing I do for him. I can't imagine living with mean hubby 24/7.

If you need to prioritize your own well being, do it!

I would recommend speaking with an attorney so that you are protected legally and financially.

We are not professionals and at some point it may come to a place where it's best for both partners to be apart.

Praying you can find the peace you need and for your health . Blessings

@cathyfrench99 Have you given any thought to taking a 1-2 month sabatical? It could be a wonderful chance to get your health and sanity back. This time could also be used to plan for the future—with your husband or alone. you could call the Agency on Aging in your town and find out about respite care facilities. Do you have any caregiving support groups in your area?
Contact all the groups in your area and see what you can learn from them.
whatever decision you make, it will be your decision alone. how do you think you husband would react to your leaving, even for a short time?

Forgive me for saying this, but...

If I thought, even for a moment, that I was causing my wife the kind of grief you are experiencing, I would check out.

Better an end in horror than a horror without end.

GloRo,it is clear you are a caring person, who has a LOT of wisdom to share! Thank you for doing so for the rest of us.

I really aappreciate the comments made. I am in the beginning of this with my spouse and we have neurology appt soon. I have been taking classes in how to rephrase and redirect discussions. I liked the comment about “living for 2 people” . It is exhausting. It is very difficult not to take the anger or comments personally because you losing parts of this person. The chaplain at our hospital had a grief and loss session that was helpful. But the everyday, day in and day is hard. Having a really good support system of friends that make you laugh and taking time everyday for yourself is critical to keeping your sanity and helping to be patient. I have found doing the 3 breaths at once often in the day helps to reset me and give me the ability to move to neutral. Blessing to all of your care support people in this journey.

@frieda75 I went through it all until my husband of 58 died suddenly at age 80. I'm now 84. I used to think I'd have a stroke. I calmed myself by coloring in intriate coloring books with gel pens while he raged around me.

@frieda75, your post is an important reminder that caregiving can be really exhausting -- the day in and day out of it all. So important to take advantage of all the supports available to you, which you did.

And yes, laughter and breathing are free and always available. We have to remember to take time for both.