Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

@moea Everything you wrote resonates with me, our journeys seem to be on a parallel plain. And I implore you to boast your accomplishments with your new heavy load. There is no such thing as a pity party among us and there is no limit on venting.

@moeaAny time. You are lucky to have family and friends. I have neither, only the two of us and each day I dread waking up to see what changed. I am not in great shape myself, lost all mussel in my right hand due to Neuropathy. I have no pain just balance problems; fell and broke my L wrist. It is out of cast now but still not great. I like you feel awful saying these things but if you do not get them out they will drive you crazy. Take care, and vent whenever you want to. God Bless

For six years I have been on this path. I went back the other night to unfold his timeline because I was in such a dark place. It was eye opening and totally explained why I am so depressed. We married in early 2017; in 2018 he had a heart attack; in 2019 we relocated, far away from my social circle. We moved for the weather. Both of us wanted a different climate.

Immediately after moving he was diagnosed with REM Sleep Behavior Disorder and MCI.

Six of my nine years with this man has been with him in decline. I am sad about it, but it explains why I am so sad about it.

I have accepted it, but it doesn’t change things. I am so sad to have been robbed again. My first husband of 30 plus years died of pancreatic cancer and now this.

I am trying to come up with things I can do to keep myself going; my keyboard, violin, sewing machine, working out… all positive things. I just feel like I am dealing with a teenager; a full grown person that can make decisions for himself, but needs to be watched. Pretty difficult job for someone at 70.

I needed to vent, thanks for letting me.

@dig2dye2 I know what you mean. I am going to have to go to the grocery store by my self from now on. He is so slow and since he has problems raising his head he can not even see where I am. Had to have a cashier run him down and bring him back to me. May take me several trips since I have Arthritis so bad and can not lift a lot but just can not take him any more. We will have been married 49 years in December and I have been a caregiver since 1993. Not for the dementia, that started the last 3 years but he broke is back and had closed head trauma so I know where you are coming from when you said you are sad and tired. Keep the chin up and just go one day at a time and take care of your self. Love hearing from you.

@dltstoose I am so sorry for your struggles and thank you for sharing. Some days we just need support and understanding. I understand and for him I will say, “thank you”. I am sure he is very grateful that you are there for him.

Well, I’m back again. Today has been an extremely bad day. I decided to buy new bedroom furniture. I took my husband with me to the store. He chatted with everybody seemed OK when I showed him what I was buying. Today they are picking up the old furniture so I was emptying it and moving it. All of a sudden, he said I like the furniture we have I’m not sure why you are changing it. I explained to him, but he doesn’t remember. I have three friends I talk to at least once a week and my sister in England, he then said he doesn’t have any friends. I talk on the phone, but he doesn’t have anyone only me. In the past, that’s all we ever needed as we do not have any children and my family was in the UK. He doesn’t understand why I need to talk to other people, but he is 86 and I am 77 and quite honestly if something happens to him I will need someone. I can’t just cut my friends off and then say after If he goes before me here I am can you be my friend again although I am sure they would understand.
I canceled his appointment with the neurologist because we have never really addresssed the issue. I know he knows he’s forgetful and he can’t do what he used to, but I felt we didn’t need to go to a Dr who was going to drill it into him that he had a problem. He also fractured his back in three places so that has been a difficult recovery and we just found out a few months ago that his PSA count was up and his cancer returned so now he is on ADT, which will keep the cancer at bay. I haven’t told him he has cancer again. This will be the fourth time. I don’t see any point in worrying him when we go to get the shots. I just tell him that they are to keep his PSA low. My stress level is off the roof. I’m waiting to get my blood work back. I love this man so much It breaks my heart.

This is my first time posting. Thank you all for your generous insights. Perhaps you can help me with this. My 75 year old husband of 55 years has been diagnosed MCI about a year ago. He has 9 heart stents and had a TAVR heart valve (cow) 2 years ago. Just been diagnosed with blood inflection, possibly around the heart. I took him to bunches of drs before I could get correct diagnosis. Then he had a 4 day stay in the hospital. He's home now and I have to administer his antibiotic for 4 weeks at home via push. Then two more weeks of oral antibiotic. He is disoriented, seems worse after I give him him the meds in the morning and if he has not had a lot of sleep. He fixated on the idea that there is another person with my name which, of course, there is not. I probably shouldn't correct him each time but I do as it kind of hurts.
Sometimes he talks about me as the other person. Sometimes forgets I am his wife, that we live in this house for 27 years etc. etc.etc. Any suggestions as to how to deal with this fixation would be greatly appreciated.

@reddesert Actually the only thing I would suggest is that you cannot reason with someone that is no longer remembering conversations, comments and things you have discussed with them. Sometimes they forget everything. Go with the moment. My spouse blames me for everything. I just helped him to get cleaned after trying to get for 3 days. I said to him you need to raise your arms so I can clean you. He said I was ordering him and yelling. We have a 12 ft. ceiling in our shower. Everything echoes. He has the sharpest nails. He scratches himself all the time. He is on asprin so I have his bed covered and the couch in our den. That ceiling is 12 ft. Same scenerio. We have 8ft. and 10 ft. ceilings in the rest of the house. Noise bounces off easily. He drives me nuts with the conversation that he is going to get someone in to give him a shower. No, we cannot afford it and is not necessary. I tried reasoning again. I was screamed at again. Believe me when I say that I just remove myself from him so I will not say something that I am feeling. He tells me how to cook, wash windows , make a bed..you name it. I love him but...this gets to be a bit much. We are human and we will get so frustrated. Love and prayers your way. Caregiver opinion. Doing this for many yrs.

Thank you!

@reddesert Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! You’re having a tough time, but you’ve come to the right place.
So you’re doing home IV care for your husband. Did the hospital offer you some help like Home Care nurses? If not,call the hospital and tell them that you really need help! Having someone else do the IV antibiotics will free you up and maybe make him more cooperative. But I’m going to stop talking and let some of the very knowledgeable members help you! Again, welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect!