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Help! My husband refuses to shower. It’s been 2 weeks now.
My husband who has mid stage Alzheimer’s just refuses to shower or bathe. He used to shower every morning but since his disease progressed, he refuses to get wet. He won’t even get near the shower and gets aggressive if pushed too hard. I thought I’d try getting into the shower with him but that didn’t work. I can’t get him to use a wash cloth either. I bought dry shampoo and he resists that but I’m going to try again. I think his psychiatrist will tell me to increase his meds but he’s already on 450 mgs of Seroquel to control aggressive behavior and he sleeps a lot during the day. I’m not ready for him to turn into a potted plant!
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There are a some good suggestions here that may help. I had a situation with my husband, where he just stopped showering one day. I guess it’s part of the “slow decline” with the Lewy Body dementia - one day something that he took care of independently, suddenly just stops. When it dawned on me that he hadn’t showered in over a week, by my estimation, I knew that we needed to do better. He is not active and rarely goes outside except to sit on the deck if I coerce him, so I knew showering every day wasn’t necessary. We discussed the issue and agreed that Friday would be his “shower and shave” day. He is still doing these activities mostly independently (he uses an electric shaver), he misses some spots and I have to help him trim his mustache due to the tremor from the Parkinson’s. He didn’t think it was at all concerning that he wasn’t showering on his own, and wasn’t even 100% on board with the once a week routine, but eventually he agreed. We write it on his reminder calendar every Friday, and I still need to remind, encourage and prod, but he is showering at least once a week now with minimal fuss, We picked Fridays, because he likes to go out to a restaurant for dinner on the weekends, and I told him I didn’t want to take him out if he was all unshaven and smelly. So basically, no shower, no restaurant. That made sense to him, and has helped to keep him on track. I don’t know what activities or things your Dad might like but maybe there is a similar “carrot” you can use to help ensure some compliance with showering (even if it is reluctant!).
Bless you for helping your Mom in caring for your Dad. All the best to you and your loved ones.
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9 ReactionsYes, offering a reward worked for my cousin. I promised her ice cream, movie or a drive, if she would bathe. It didn’t last though.
I used to tell my Dad I’d give him $50. if he’d allow the bath aid to help him shower or shave! He would agree initially, but then decide against it. Lol. My Dad was very frugal so I was shocked he forfeited $50.
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4 ReactionsThese are all so helpful! I wish I could thank each of you individually. Even if none of these ideas works (but we are surely going to try them!), it has been so encouraging to communicate with others who have walked or are walking this path. Thank you!!!
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7 ReactionsI have found that if I brag on my husband about how handsome he is after he shaves, it seems to help sometimes. I put a spray of cologne on him and kiss his cheeks and tell him how good he smells. It mellows his mood.
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6 ReactionsI tell my hubby the same thing 🙂 And when I wrap the towel around him after I've dried him off, i ALWAYS give him a kiss and tell him HOW good he smells and i get a big smile and a "thank you".
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6 ReactionsI keep a few "tricks" in my back pocket when my hubby doesn't feel like showering. I keep disposable washcloths on hand and give him a sponge bath... or wait until a different time later in the day OR wait til the next day, especially if he is really refusing a shower, cuz it's not worth arguing or insisting. But eventually he NEEDS to get washed with actual soap and water and then I tell him he's gonna feel good and warm, and cozy and smell sooooo good. And when I'm done I give him a kiss and ask him if he feels better and he always says "yes! Thank you". I've also had to change it up at times... morning or night time showers. You'll find your way just like I did. As much as we all want to keep routines, some days just don't allow us to and we just have to go with their flow. You'll find your way just like I did... I know it's not always easy but you'll find your way 🙂
Strength, Peace , Love and Hugs to you
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5 ReactionsAll these tricks of the trade tips showing up here reminds me of these words (not sure who said it 1st)
Re 'Necessity is the Mother of Invention'.
Bravo to all of you for helping your loved ones every day • 24/7 really. That is one heck of a 'job'.
Way to be all of you. .!! 💐
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4 ReactionsThis would be very difficult for all of you. I hope people here will have some tips to help. I've heard of instances where a certain person can reach through for some reason. Is there a friend or family member that he's known to respond to? Let us know how things go. Glad you're all trying & have each other. Air hug..
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1 ReactionThat's awesome thinking around a delicate area. Bravo to all of you using some of the most positive methods in the book.
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1 Reaction@ellesea01
I tend to choose my battles. I have wipes, gloves if needed and when my spouse ask me to help him get cleaned up I talk to him and praise him..not always pleasant conversation. I will say he does smell great and I tell him so..he cannot smell anymore. Not always easily done. 😊
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