Okay, I need your responses and help with this one

Posted by kartwk @kartwk, Aug 11 12:10pm

H. FINALLY has a doc. apt. Wednesday for his annual physical. Now I have already sent the doc some of my concerns but my problem is that H can, at times, be just normal, especially for short periods or when passing the time of day with neighbors.

For years, though, in the doc's office he hasn't understood things and I have explained it or told him I understand what the Doc is saying, but that can happen to any of us which is why it is always good to have another person with you.

Yesterday I wanted to rent Jurassic Park on Fandango, we have an account. H insisted on putting in the information, which he had trouble with as it took him 4 tries to get it right before we even got to the password. The password has a $ in it and H kept putting in a ? instead of the $ sign. When I pointed this out he claimed that the $ sign WAS the ? symbol and after so many tries he got locked out. He got very angry when I suggested that he let me put in the code.

Well, needless to say, we didn't get to watch that movie as the atmosphere, him getting grouchy, went down the tubes.

This morning I told him that there was, on the news, an explosion at a steel plant in PA. His response was: "boy, they really are going after those clinics". I had no idea what he was talking about and I can guarantee he didn't either even though he tried to tell me that he thought I said clinic instead of steel mill which isn't even close.

Friday he was telling me Trump had put high tariffs on EGYPT and India because they were buying Russian oil! We all know that it is China and India not EGYPT. When I said he must mean China, he got snarky and claims that he said China not EGYPT. Folks, I have my wits about me, and my hearing and I know what he said because he said it twice. And before that it was that Iran was attacking Ukraine, mixing up Iran with Russia.

HOW do I explain that kind of stuff to the doctor? At first, months back I thought this was a slip of the tongue etc., but it is far too common to be that know IMHO.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

Profile picture for maryjow718 @maryjow718

I did get POA over him and I’m POD on his accounts and joint owner of a cd. I too am worried. He emptied out our garage while I was at work! I know what you are going through. His kids do nothing and are far away. His friends say they will come when he dies and honestly I would give them something knowing they would have to pay a caretaker and I don’t get paid! I’m doing everything! Alone and afraid. Try speaking with a lawyer and see if it’s too late. Even though I feel like I have the bases covered you just don’t feel comfortable about it.

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maryjow718 - Thank you for your words of understanding - you hit it right on the head.

Like you, we have wills, but with his daughter and her trying to get him to sign a new will, well SHE scares me.
Yet, she didn't even bother to call or send him a card for Father's Day and she is only 5 miles away.

He can be sharp as a tack and then just give things away. The one time I tried to stop him he told me that they, new table saw, scroll saw, old real old fishing lures (some mine) and equipment had no value. Not so.

Meanwhile, I am trying to downsize things through eBay, take clothes to resale shop because every dime counts these days.

I post this stuff here because it keeps me from screaming. I want to cry so bad but am afraid I won't stop. Like you I feel alone and afraid. And like you, I keep trying to make sure the bases are covered but don't feel comfortable about it.

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Profile picture for steilacoomcaregiver @steilacoomcaregiver

I recommend that you take documentation to a lawyer and clear this up before he passes.

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We have updated wills, but I just have to keep watch to make sure he isn't influenced into changing things by his daughter or who knows. He can be very, very gullible at this time and there are unscrupulous people out there, like the ones that walked off with the tools, etc. with big grins on their faces.

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Profile picture for DanL @tunared

My beautiful wife of over 55 yrs tells me she wants to die daily because she is so frustrated with her life. She lost her license & independence, can’t cook, can’t remember where to place anything (glasses, utensils, food, etc), doesn’t remember me most days(I’m a stranger or her father or my father) but she does know our son when he shows up. I cry for her and I also don’t want to be around without her)

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All I can say is that it may get easier. My experience tells me every day is different. Every hour is different. I know my husband wants reassurance that I won't give up or leave or no longer love him because of the effects of this disease. By getting easier, I mean that many of these losses are forgotten as the disease progresses. Even conflict and irritation may lessen. Everyone's experience is different. Your partner will change. You will change too.

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Profile picture for maryjow718 @maryjow718

I did get POA over him and I’m POD on his accounts and joint owner of a cd. I too am worried. He emptied out our garage while I was at work! I know what you are going through. His kids do nothing and are far away. His friends say they will come when he dies and honestly I would give them something knowing they would have to pay a caretaker and I don’t get paid! I’m doing everything! Alone and afraid. Try speaking with a lawyer and see if it’s too late. Even though I feel like I have the bases covered you just don’t feel comfortable about it.

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My husband, 72, was dx’d with dementia/probable Altzheimers about 1-1/2 years ago. The neurologist who dx’d him was right on the money!
At the present time, we’re in a senior facility at roughly 6.5K monthly. He sits here blankly staring at his phone or at nothing.
As you might’ve guessed, I (75) am his reluctant caregiver. It’s getting harder and harder to deal with him while managing my own health problems. My son, who lives about an hour away, hardly visits; however, he is in the process of having an extension built to his house for us (we’re paying, of course). He tells me it’s probably going to be approximately 9 months before it’s finished, but I’m not sure I can survive that long.
If anyone has any advice, I’m here to listen.

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Profile picture for wascaly @wascaly

My husband, 72, was dx’d with dementia/probable Altzheimers about 1-1/2 years ago. The neurologist who dx’d him was right on the money!
At the present time, we’re in a senior facility at roughly 6.5K monthly. He sits here blankly staring at his phone or at nothing.
As you might’ve guessed, I (75) am his reluctant caregiver. It’s getting harder and harder to deal with him while managing my own health problems. My son, who lives about an hour away, hardly visits; however, he is in the process of having an extension built to his house for us (we’re paying, of course). He tells me it’s probably going to be approximately 9 months before it’s finished, but I’m not sure I can survive that long.
If anyone has any advice, I’m here to listen.

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What about respite care? Get away while you can. I want to get away as well but John resists my leaving. Today he told me I stripped him of all his dignity! Go away and leave me alone. Of course deep down I wanted to run! I’m still here and know he will eat those fn words tonight. Be pleasant but be nice to yourself. Hugs! We need to find a refuge!

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I feel for you. Last night my spouse started yelling at me and he said "you are messing with my phone". Not true I was on the couch watching a movie with him. Luckily I had suggested it or it would have been something he watches over and over. He said that I made google photos work with music. It has been doing that for a couple of year's. His phone was on the counter where he left it. So, I went to check if I could show him what happens to no avail. I was screamed at and I left the room. This morning I showed him on my phone. He still believes I made it happen. I have eaten with him and that is all I am doing as I refuse to be yelled at again. He has not spoken to me since. I have tried everything that I know and he is like a crazy person over the dumbest things. That is my rant for the day.

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Profile picture for wascaly @wascaly

My husband, 72, was dx’d with dementia/probable Altzheimers about 1-1/2 years ago. The neurologist who dx’d him was right on the money!
At the present time, we’re in a senior facility at roughly 6.5K monthly. He sits here blankly staring at his phone or at nothing.
As you might’ve guessed, I (75) am his reluctant caregiver. It’s getting harder and harder to deal with him while managing my own health problems. My son, who lives about an hour away, hardly visits; however, he is in the process of having an extension built to his house for us (we’re paying, of course). He tells me it’s probably going to be approximately 9 months before it’s finished, but I’m not sure I can survive that long.
If anyone has any advice, I’m here to listen.

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Please read The Calvary is not coming”. Posted earlier this year

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Profile picture for kartwk @kartwk

Thanks sillybone. I know about the notary, but the SD isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. But she is cunning and has ways of getting what she wants.

Forgive me for saying this, but it will make me feel better to tell someone. A few years back her mother passed suddenly. She hated her and wanted nothing to do with her. H and I paid for the ex's burial expenses because H didn't want her to go to a paupers grave as she was the mother of his children. BUT, the SD had no problems jumping on a jet to FL to check out what the Mother might have that was valuable!! That spoke volumes to me.

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Wow. Just wow. It amazes me how we raise our children and sometimes they don't remember the sacrifices and putting them first. He is lucky to have you!

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Profile picture for DanL @tunared

Please read The Calvary is not coming”. Posted earlier this year

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I read that and it was information worth reading.

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Profile picture for DanL @tunared

Please read The Calvary is not coming”. Posted earlier this year

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Wow! That is so right on. It is common sense but to get to that point we have to go through all the other stages, like stages of grief.

I see it, but the Doc. hasn't given him the diagnosis yet. One of these days we will be in the Doc's office and he will say something and all the bells and whistles will go off.
Outside of that I feel that it is going to take him doing something like running down the street buck naked (just kidding here, but it does make me laugh at the thought of it) to get to that point. Until then I will just listen when he tells me how Egypt is fighting with Russia, and how I need to go grocery shopping at Jewel, a store from an area we lived over 20 years ago. And other things.

The one thing that really riles me is his daughter who tried to trick him into changing his will in her favor but in the 14 years we have been here has never taken us out for burger, etc. She has stolen from me and a whole lot of other things. BUT she figures she has a right to 1/2 "our estate" because H is her father. Don't worry, I told my Doc about her antics last summer and he made notes and made me promise that if she started up again I would let him know a.s.a.p. I later realized what was going on was elder abuse from her and my Doc, if hearing about her starting, was required to let the authorities know. She scares me, but I feel with my Doc., I have somebody to back me up.

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