Okay, I need your responses and help with this one

Thank you for your response in letting me know I am not alone. My H's daughter lives 5 miles away and he hasn't seen her since before Christmas...too busy unless she wants something.

We are taking care of the things that need to be fixed on the house now because we will be able to afford less etc. later.

My really big concern is that H is giving everything he can away to people that we don't even know!!!!
We had a new shed put up (luckily insurance covered that) and had gutters put on it. The gutter job was contracted by me for $250.00. After they were done, H walks out and tells them he is so happy with the work he is going to give them another $100 on top of the $250.!!

Same thing this Saturday when I had a contractor paint the deck for a fixed price. H is going to give him an additional large amount of money because he liked the job.

Luckily I told both contractors that H has early dementia and they understood though I am certain if he gave them more they would take it.

Let me state here that we are not wealthy, we live off our social security and about $9,000 out of our IRA's so money matters.

Earlier this summer he gave away all his tools, table saw, scroll saw, etc. to neighbors and people we don't even know. They were thrilled to get the items, quality items, for free. Then he goes looking for one of his tools and is mad because he can't find it, I must have done something with it.

I have to watch like a hawk that he doesn't give the house away (well he can't, but you know what I mean). Seems, he just so wants to look good, be liked, make up for his mental failing or something.

And with all this I can't get a dementia diagnosis on him.

I mentioned this before and will mention it again because it scares me. Last summer he was in the hospital for a health scare where they kept him in for tests. His daughter showed up, when I wasn't there, with copies of a new will for him to sign - 3 to be exact. l., for if he dies; 1 if I die; and 1 if we both die together (the 3rd one makes me wonder what she has in mind). She was hoping to get the nurses to witness. When I got back the nurse told me about what had happened and that she declined to witness anything. In fact, pestering him like that falls under elder abuse and she said I needed to be aware of it.

I am going to call the attorney to see if there is anything I can do to keep him from giving everything away. I just don't know.

If he is not of sound mind, it is illegal to get something written and signed by anyone whom is not informed about what they are signing. Elder Abuse at it's finest. I would check his important paper's to see if he may have done something or signed something unrelated as well. He may have provided for you. It sounds like his kids only care about what he will leave for them. You also need a notary.. not Nursing Staff. I did this before my spouse was not competent to sign important information. I also have all messages come to my phone . I also worked with contractor's and they had to deal with me. My spouse would add things if needed. Protect yourself. Another thing is he would have a copy of anything done legally. If you have joint accounts, go to your bank and make sure you have a clause for accounts when he passes.

Thank you for your response in letting me know I am not alone. My H's daughter lives 5 miles away and he hasn't seen her since before Christmas...too busy unless she wants something.

We are taking care of the things that need to be fixed on the house now because we will be able to afford less etc. later.

My really big concern is that H is giving everything he can away to people that we don't even know!!!!
We had a new shed put up (luckily insurance covered that) and had gutters put on it. The gutter job was contracted by me for $250.00. After they were done, H walks out and tells them he is so happy with the work he is going to give them another $100 on top of the $250.!!

Same thing this Saturday when I had a contractor paint the deck for a fixed price. H is going to give him an additional large amount of money because he liked the job.

Luckily I told both contractors that H has early dementia and they understood though I am certain if he gave them more they would take it.

Let me state here that we are not wealthy, we live off our social security and about $9,000 out of our IRA's so money matters.

Earlier this summer he gave away all his tools, table saw, scroll saw, etc. to neighbors and people we don't even know. They were thrilled to get the items, quality items, for free. Then he goes looking for one of his tools and is mad because he can't find it, I must have done something with it.

I have to watch like a hawk that he doesn't give the house away (well he can't, but you know what I mean). Seems, he just so wants to look good, be liked, make up for his mental failing or something.

And with all this I can't get a dementia diagnosis on him.

I mentioned this before and will mention it again because it scares me. Last summer he was in the hospital for a health scare where they kept him in for tests. His daughter showed up, when I wasn't there, with copies of a new will for him to sign - 3 to be exact. l., for if he dies; 1 if I die; and 1 if we both die together (the 3rd one makes me wonder what she has in mind). She was hoping to get the nurses to witness. When I got back the nurse told me about what had happened and that she declined to witness anything. In fact, pestering him like that falls under elder abuse and she said I needed to be aware of it.

I am going to call the attorney to see if there is anything I can do to keep him from giving everything away. I just don't know.

Make sure both your names are on things like vehicle titles, deeds to any property if you own your home, and bank accounts. That way if one of you dies, the other one automatically becomes the owner outside of any probate process. I had to look up what that's called. It's joint tenancy with right of survivorship.

As for giving tools, etc., away, I don't know if there is anything you can do to stop that. If you know the neighbors well enough, you could probably talk to them and explain the situation and ask them not to accept anything from him. Hopefully, they're nice enough people to listen.

Thank you bclane.
Our savings accounts have us as joint owners. The house is in both of our names but I am not certain that is with the right of survivorship, just as husband and wife.
My big concern is his IRA, which he started to contributing to as a 401(k) plan only after we married. As long as he worked, the gov. said that I, as spouse, had to be beneficiary. When he retired he was required to roll it into an IRA and while I currently am the beneficiary, I know he wants to leave something to his kids and that the IRA can be changed at any time. THAT is the largest amount of our savings and he only was able to do it by being married to me.

As for the house, I owned a home that was almost paid for when we married. I never intended on moving nor putting his name on the title. When his company transferred him I had to sell the house and that was what we bought the next house with, and what we purchased this current home with...money from my original home.
Yeah, I should have done a prenup on the house, but as I said, I never intended to move and who knew that his company was going to move. The money from my home paid for the home where his company moved, and that money paid for the home we currently are so we don't have any mortgage.

I understand completely. I’ve been with my significant other for over ten years. His sons are in their fifties and could care less about me. I’m pretty much all alone. Friends have disappeared. Let’s face it, we aren’t much fun as John is probably heading into the later stages of dementia. Thank God for my two kid, but they already took care of their own father who died of cancer. I just try to take it one day at a time knowing he will end up alone in memory care. He cries just thinking about it and so do I. We both hope and pray he dies before that. Why do we all insist on staying alive? Live longer for what? We should be able to die in peace. Sorry, not much help, but know you are not alone!

My beautiful wife of over 55 yrs tells me she wants to die daily because she is so frustrated with her life. She lost her license & independence, can’t cook, can’t remember where to place anything (glasses, utensils, food, etc), doesn’t remember me most days(I’m a stranger or her father or my father) but she does know our son when he shows up. I cry for her and I also don’t want to be around without her)

Thank you bclane.
Our savings accounts have us as joint owners. The house is in both of our names but I am not certain that is with the right of survivorship, just as husband and wife.
My big concern is his IRA, which he started to contributing to as a 401(k) plan only after we married. As long as he worked, the gov. said that I, as spouse, had to be beneficiary. When he retired he was required to roll it into an IRA and while I currently am the beneficiary, I know he wants to leave something to his kids and that the IRA can be changed at any time. THAT is the largest amount of our savings and he only was able to do it by being married to me.

As for the house, I owned a home that was almost paid for when we married. I never intended on moving nor putting his name on the title. When his company transferred him I had to sell the house and that was what we bought the next house with, and what we purchased this current home with...money from my original home.
Yeah, I should have done a prenup on the house, but as I said, I never intended to move and who knew that his company was going to move. The money from my home paid for the home where his company moved, and that money paid for the home we currently are so we don't have any mortgage.