1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Posted by tryingtimes10 @tryingtimes10, Dec 31, 2024

My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He is pretty independent, just forgetful of time, dates, location of places, anything electronic & events from our life together (we’ve been married 52 years). It’s all just getting to me. I find myself wanting to be alone so I’m not continuously reminded of these changes. Because my friends/family are out of state, working, or involved with their own families, I really have no one to talk to so I’m seeing a therapist twice a week to deal with the sadness, anger, grief I have over his condition. I just wonder if other women find themselves in this position & how they are dealing with it.

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rubyredkate | @rubyredkate | 6 days ago

Yes totally! I have not arrived, but I'm seeing more sunny days over all dark and gloomy. When im grumpy more than not, then i know its time to isolate for my own peace of mind. As an introvert those times are crucial for me.
Be gentle with yourself. You will come out the other side.

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1 reply
centre | @centre | 6 days ago
In reply to @2me "I need to add I know I should be grateful he talks to me so much…one..." + (show)
@2me

I need to add I know I should be grateful he talks to me so much…one day that will not happen, and I do realize it. He has no hobbies. We will join the Senior Center but I doubt he will go without me. I have always needed a little “alone” time…but need to kick myself in the big-girl pants and realize that isn’t going to happen much anymore. Done venting, and thank you. I know “guilt” is not good, but….

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If you want to try, the alone time I found was to set my cell phone alarm on low volume on the bedside table next to my head and set it for a time that I knew I would have at least an hour before he normally woke up. I’d slide carefully out of bed, tiptoe to the door, gently ease it open and closed, go to the bathroom, then go make coffee, which I would enjoy in a chair next to a window and use my I-pad to read a newspaper, do a puzzle, read the daily e-mailed Guideposts- whatever felt relaxing.
Ya gotta do what ya gotta do 🤣😂

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4 replies
tryingtimes10 | @tryingtimes10 | 6 days ago
In reply to @centre "If you want to try, the alone time I found was to set my cell phone..." + (show)
@centre

If you want to try, the alone time I found was to set my cell phone alarm on low volume on the bedside table next to my head and set it for a time that I knew I would have at least an hour before he normally woke up. I’d slide carefully out of bed, tiptoe to the door, gently ease it open and closed, go to the bathroom, then go make coffee, which I would enjoy in a chair next to a window and use my I-pad to read a newspaper, do a puzzle, read the daily e-mailed Guideposts- whatever felt relaxing.
Ya gotta do what ya gotta do 🤣😂

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Thank you.

Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPhone

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tryingtimes10 | @tryingtimes10 | 6 days ago
In reply to @rubyredkate "Yes totally! I have not arrived, but I'm seeing more sunny days over all dark and..." + (show)
@rubyredkate

Yes totally! I have not arrived, but I'm seeing more sunny days over all dark and gloomy. When im grumpy more than not, then i know its time to isolate for my own peace of mind. As an introvert those times are crucial for me.
Be gentle with yourself. You will come out the other side.

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Great insight. Thanks for sharing. 🩷

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pamela78 | @pamela78 | 5 days ago

What happens if both partners in a couple develop dementia? That must happen sometimes.

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1 reply
judimahoney | @judimahoney | 5 days ago
In reply to @centre "If you want to try, the alone time I found was to set my cell phone..." + (show)
@centre

If you want to try, the alone time I found was to set my cell phone alarm on low volume on the bedside table next to my head and set it for a time that I knew I would have at least an hour before he normally woke up. I’d slide carefully out of bed, tiptoe to the door, gently ease it open and closed, go to the bathroom, then go make coffee, which I would enjoy in a chair next to a window and use my I-pad to read a newspaper, do a puzzle, read the daily e-mailed Guideposts- whatever felt relaxing.
Ya gotta do what ya gotta do 🤣😂

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That's funny, I am doing exactly all those things you just wrote about, right now. This is my time, and I need it for my sanity. Hugs to you.

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saraemma3709 | @saraemma3709 | 5 days ago
In reply to @centre "If you want to try, the alone time I found was to set my cell phone..." + (show)
@centre

If you want to try, the alone time I found was to set my cell phone alarm on low volume on the bedside table next to my head and set it for a time that I knew I would have at least an hour before he normally woke up. I’d slide carefully out of bed, tiptoe to the door, gently ease it open and closed, go to the bathroom, then go make coffee, which I would enjoy in a chair next to a window and use my I-pad to read a newspaper, do a puzzle, read the daily e-mailed Guideposts- whatever felt relaxing.
Ya gotta do what ya gotta do 🤣😂

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My husband likes to get up around 9:00… I wake up around 6:30… get, do a few back exercises, other chores, organize breakfast for both of us then get him up…dress with a fresh diaper etc…wash and brush and shave him… then we have breakfast… by then I would like to go back to bed… but must wash his wet linens… a good start to my Caregiver day. Sound familiar?

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tryingtimes10 | @tryingtimes10 | 5 days ago
In reply to @pamela78 "What happens if both partners in a couple develop dementia? That must happen sometimes." + (show)
@pamela78

What happens if both partners in a couple develop dementia? That must happen sometimes.

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It probably depends if anyone is around to notice, at least in our case. Very little family & most live out of state. Our son is aware his dad has slight issues & if something happened to me he would need someone to help with electronics & review mail & keep track of bill statements, income tax file, etc. I believe it was Dr. Seuss that said getting old is not for sissies. Boy was he right!

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elliottw | @elliottw | 4 days ago

My daughter and son-in-law are raising twin autistic children, which is a 24-7 job. They each take 'one day off' every week so it is their day to do what they alone want to do. I'm sure it helps their relationship and gives them a weekly needed rest and recuperation. My spouse is three years into MCI and I plan to give myself a similar 'day off' in the future with the goal to make it a weekly routine.

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | 22 hours ago
In reply to @agnes01 "Just starting this journey too with my husband. Lots of anxiety about the future and care..." + (show)
@agnes01

Just starting this journey too with my husband. Lots of anxiety about the future and care needed and the cost. So glad I found this site to learn. Thank you!

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Hi @agnes01, I just want to say welcome. You're so right that not knowing the future can create a lot of anxiety. Glad you came here to learn with others. Things will change, always. Your biggest challenge is adapting to those changes. But you're not alone.

When a new frustration, complication, or behavior leads to you asking questions, now you have a place to find answers, share or just plain vent.

How are you and your husband doing today?

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