Activities to do with your loved one: Share your tips

My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He's stable, but at 92, not very energetic and perfectly happy to lie in bed until noon or so, then have a brunch type meal, then listen to classical music or chat me up if I actually have time to sit down! I'm 13 years younger and because he is not agile, can't completely dress himself, but that's the only physical help he needs. The staying in bed distresses me and the neurologist assured me it's not depression - just lack of motivation. His prescription was to get him to some social thing regularly. Like lunch at the Senior Center. He, like your husband, was not a guy's guy and preferred being at home with the family. And when you're 92, you're lucky if you have any friends alive to even call! We do have an occupational therapist who comes twice a week and he perks up when she's here and I will say he's a little more lively since she's been coming. But these sessions will end. I don't see him suddenly wanting to go to bingo or do singalongs. I am able to get to yoga classes a couple of times a week, but I feel bad that he does nothing. HE doesn't feel bad about it, mind you. Watching TV is a challenge - can't follow any plotline that's at all involved and reading too - remembering what he just read is hard work and frustrating. I bought walkie talkies for us so I can at least be outside gardening when the weather's good and I don't have to keep coming in to reassure him that I'm still there. We use a white board with 'where i am info' but he likes to use the walkie talkies. I'm just grateful that he isn't belligerent or depressed or angry or abusive. I just feel he deserves better. But he's fine with the status quo!

@crankyyankee ,
I would be grateful to know if you ever found enjoyable activities for your husband? My father has lived with my husband and I for the last four years, after my mother died. He is your husband’s age. He is pretty clear-minded and has a great disposition and sense of humor! But it is tough for him, as he has mobility issues, macular degeneration , hearing loss (still adjusting to hearing aids and doesn’t like to wear them consistently). I have researched so many things available in our community that might help him feel more engaged, and he has tried a couple that were not what he had hoped for (ie our library has lectures and discussion groups, etc). He is hesitant to go to a seniors center to play cards, bingo, etc due to his sight challenges. He really wants something where he can socialize without having to “perform”. He is unsatisfied with just having outings with me, his daughter ( not really ungrateful I don’t think, just not satisfied). I have tried to be really creative, to come up with things he would enjoy, etc. I totally understand that he wants more. A neighbor woman in the same boat as my dad has tried to initiate a friendship, but he is apprehensive/not receptive (maybe feels like it he would not being loyal to my moms memory?) I have been meticulous in his physical care, and I want to help him feel more engaged and active….any suggestions? (And I do take him shopping, drives, scooter “walks” around the neighborhood, out for meals and snacks, haircuts, leaving him his laundry to fold and put away himself, asking him to help me with potted plants, etc). Does any one know of places elderly people can go to just meet each other and converse, where it is safe?

Wow, you are really going the extra mile to make him at home! Good for you!

I know there are some senior centers that have social activities, like a lunch or something. He'd hardly be the only person there with hearing trouble. In fact, he'd find a sympathetic group, I think.

My experience is that there are plenty of people (women especially) who'd love to talk. They won't drag him off to the altar; they just enjoy having male company. (At one place, my wife had to leave me on my own for a few minutes and I got swarmed. It was flattering; I'm in my 60's and disabled -- not exactly a "chick magnet".)

A senior center near me hosts occasional day trips -- to a museum or event, sometimes even a casino. Very reasonably priced.

Good luck! I hope he makes some new friends.

@crankyyankee What were the hobbies and interests of your father? There are a number of DIY, craft or other forums and softwares that might be of interest to him. You can converse on the forums remotely without fear of catching COVID or something else. Many can benefit from his past experience. New software skills can be learned.

@scottrl ,

Thank you! I looked online, and A Senior Center I recently took him to visit has added days where they offer a lunch hour! He liked the facility/people, just was hesitant to try activities. Maybe just going for lunch and meeting people to chat with and hopefully develop friendships with will be just the ticket! Thank you!!!

My husband can't manage to dial the phone or operate a tape dispenser, but let him get his hands on a screwdriver and he's good to go. He has dismantled his walker, his bedside commode, a TV tray... and one screw always goes missing with each project. I need to find something he can work on so he feels productive but doesn't matter if he destroys it. Any thoughts?