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Narcissistic partner, struggling to cope as I am leaving.
Anyone out there going through same stuff? I am leaving my narcissistic partner after 10 years, it is so tough how someone can be so secretive and cold and abusive.
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@daun44 - OH My Goodness!
Thank YOU very much for your most helpful posts - Really.
I intend to read & reread them, even print them out. You've captured so much of this experience in words...it is daunting, soul-defying and sometimes as cold as metal to live with this framing every day and every moment and thought or decision.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It's been an especially tough day, and your postingS really helped pull me through.
AND, on top of it, I feel a little less lacking for not having found a way to overcome it all.
Most sincerely Thank you.
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1 ReactionThe most volatile (and dangerous) time, when leaving an abuser (any abuser) is just that. The part where you are leaving. The time when you actually do. That's the purpose of "safe houses." It is for this reason that you prepare ahead of time, IF at all possible. That means your identify documents. Your healthcare cards, your birth certificate, proof of citizenship. And all those things for anyone you may be taking with you (such as your children). In my case, some of the preparing I did right in front of his face. I mean, folding necessary laundry (and stashing a few things in my purse, instead). Obviously, money can and does make a lot of difference on the run, or in a safe house. You can make your own safe house, or you can contact a D/V agency to help you. Though with an agency involved, they will definitely want to see your documents and any on any child with you. However, normally they also can give you or direct you to free forms and helps to file for things like Orders for Protection, custody of children, custody of the family home, all that stuff. When I did it, I had the documents for me and my toddler in a bag. When the time came, and the weather permitted, I got my purse and that bag, the child's bag in case she needed a snack and I told him we were going for a walk outside. And I never looked back. I walked to a public pay phone, where I'd seen a sticker up with the phone number for that local Domestic Violence call line. It's the space in which you are in-between leaving and re-establishing a new home, or taking the home for yourself and any dependents, that is the most dangerous. God be with you.
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2 ReactionsHi all. I did leave, I can't believe it, but I did! When I posted first, I planned to go in 2 weeks, it took 5 weeks. I am missing my partner, I am so sad, tired, and worried about my future, but deep down in my guts, I know I made the right choice. I don't think all I had was a trauma bond, there was a real connection, lots of good times, our love for our cats and losing them bonded us, and ease of traveling together. 10 years of life. But, the cheating, the drinking, the way he can switch, like Jekyll and Hyde. I learned, to know more about people, get in a car with them, and let them drive. Watch how they drive and treat other drivers on the road. He always feels entitled and thinks everyone drives badly, and should give him way, inpatient, and points out everyone's mistakes. He would not think that people are different, and that some people need more time to do their stuff on the road. If someone cut in front of him, it would enrage him. He always drives with lights on during day time. He told me this is for safety, but I think it is to intimidate people. Anyway, I do feel lost and really missing the home I left, I need strength to stay away from him and build my life again. If anyone going through the same or did in the past and wants to chat about it, do write a private message. I don't really talk to anyone about it, just my manager, so she knows why I am not myself at the moment. Thank you for reading my story.
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7 ReactionsYa gotta do what ya gotta do.
Congratulations on taking the big step.
You raise an interesting point, about being in a car with someone. I always thought that the best of someone's true personality is how they are behind the wheel. It should be a part of every job interview.
For relationships, it's amazing how many times I heard women say, 'I like him, but he drives like a maniac." Then they marry him, and guess what -- he turns out to be maniac.
Good luck to you. Stay strong.
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4 ReactionsHow courageous! I admire you for your strength in supporting yourself and what you know to be true for you.
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3 ReactionsI also want to commend you on making a big decision about your life and especially the future that you want for yourself. It takes tremendous courage to do so and so many people are not able, it’s kind of like an addiction, I’ve been through this too and once you take the first step just keep on moving forward, don’t look back because the past is over, it’s now all about you and making new friends, planning things that you want to do, best wishes for a happier life.
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2 ReactionsYou are so right; we hope and believe in the best in people. But, when somebody shows you their dark side, believe them the first time. I wish I learned it at a much younger age.
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2 ReactionsI am not that strong, I am trying to be strong. I made the first step, it is a big one, but still a long road ahead to get my life back...Thank you for your words of support.
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4 ReactionsThank you so much for what you said, it means a lot hearing from someone who went through the same experience.
I think, I am in a frozen state right now. I think, I am not courageous, It was too painful to be treated the way I was treated. Knowing who I thought I was with and who I was with are not the same people.
I am glad you did it, amazing. I hope, as some time passes by, I can make peace with what happened. I want not to grieve too long as life is getting shorter as we get older. If there is a silver lining, the whole experience made me more resilient, more resourceful, work on myself and become a better person. I did not lose my ability to trust people and men in particular. I was unlucky, but people are mostly good.
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6 ReactionsYes I have. I had cosmetic violence treatment and therapy about 6 years ago The dark triad traits- narcissism sociopaths machieavellianism- typo exist on a spectrum. Keep yourself safe. Fact check everything. Beware who you listen too allow in your life and allow to influence you .You are very brave. Create your future.
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