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Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?
My mother-in-law (MIL) had what was finally determined to be frontal temporal dementia. She had the disease from her 60s until she passed away at 86. My wife was especially involved in her mom's caregiving due to some serious denial in other family members and a GP who refused to diagnose, even when significant deficits were obvious (mistaking the UPS deliveryman for her husband and not knowing the difference between roads and sidewalks). The most unfortunate result of this, to me, was the lost time when my MIL and her family could have been having meaningful and important discussions about significant matters of importance to her and them.
In my wife's years of fighting her brain cancer, she, too, exhibited many of the aspects of mental degradation and physical losses one would affiliate with a dementia patient.
As an aside, for several years I worked for the national Alzheimer's Association raising money for their research programs nationwide.
I wish everyone struggling with this disease and their caregivers and families strength and peace.
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Cancer treatment meds kill bad cells but can also kill some good cells. Depression meds are not helpful for some people and are not the whole treatment for depression because they don't address the cause of depression. My doctor prescribes medicine which makes me so sleepy I can't function so I don't take it during the day. He says he has no other options. That leaves me on my own for treatment. Finding a doctor at my age is a problem in my area, so I am becoming my own doctor by reading and hoping for the best. I can get an orthopedic doctor for broken bones and for physical therapy. We can support each other. It is a journey to knowledge. Dorisena
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2 ReactionsHello @jshdma That sound like a very difficult situation!
Only my opinion here, but I do not think God sends this kind of thing to anyone, nor does he test anyone in these ways. Little bothered me more than when someone would say to me, as I took care of my wife "god doesn't give you more than you can handle". First, that isn't the quote and second sometimes things ARE more than a person can handle.
If your brother has been in denial for 40 years, getting him to change his situation now seems highly unlikely to me.
Does he take his medications for his schizophernia? If so do they help?
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4 ReactionsYes, I have read about the link between diabetes and Alzheimer's. I lived with my husband's mental decline, and I have mild diabetes which I can control with my diet, exercise, and a couple of pills. I can notice the mental decline when I eat the wrong food for me. I can observe the sleepiness in others when they eat too much sugar. My husband would sit down and fall asleep in the middle of a sentence.
Alcoholism added to the problem. There are a number of kinds of mental diseases. Alzheimer's is a word to cover many problems and is difficult to diagnose. It doesn't make much difference what you call it after it happens, and takes years to develop in some cases. We must remember that the brain is connected to all body functions and controls all physical actions, some in site specific places of the brain.
When you have physical damage from a stroke, the brain is damaged somewhere because it controls the physical function. This is much more complicated than you and I can imagine. Dorisena
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3 ReactionsHello @jshdma
While I'm certainly not a theologian nor a medical/mental health professional, after reading your recent post I tend to agree with @IndianaScott, in that I do not believe God sends this kind of thing to someone in order to "test" them.
I do believe that in this world many difficult things do happen to us as a result of illness/disease and also poor choices that we make as individuals. Sometimes those poor choices result in difficult health problems, both physically, emotionally and cognitively. It sounds as if your brother's problems are a result of schizophrenia as well as addictions. It also sounds as if you have done a lot to try and help him but I can understand you're wanting to be free from this burden.
A couple of thoughts come to mind: Have you talked with a trained counselor? Doing so might help you release yourself from any guilt you might be carrying now.
Also, have you considered contacting an attorney to see how you can extricate yourself financially and personally from the responsibility of caring for your brother?
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4 ReactionsHello @dorisena and @IndianaScott
I read with interests your posts about dementia and the idea of diabetes and Alzheimer's link. Since this sounded familiar, I did a little research. Here are a couple of websites which discuss this theory:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/type-2-diabetes/in-depth/diabetes-and-alzheimers/art-20046987
and
https://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/guide/alzheimers-diabetes-link
While there is a link, a good diet and exercise seem to be the key to preventing dementia in those with diabetes or a pre-diabetes diagnosis.
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3 Reactions@indiana Scott I believe that the drugs for diabetes can cause schizophrenia, so probably dementia also. (
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1 ReactionThank you, Indiana Scott, for your thoughtful response. No he does not take meds, thinks there is nothing wrong. OTOH, there is no chance I can extricate myself from his care. As I said, another sibling thinks this is a religious duty (You are your brother's keeper). If I attempt to separate, she will take over everything and it will destroy her life. She admits that he "killed our mother," but "he couldn't help it." No one ever expected him to do anything or take responsibility. Now the problem is 40 years of enabling.
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3 Reactions@hoprful33250- Thank you, it's good to have some support for my thoughts. Everything is overshadowed by the mingling of theology into a practical matter. I am indeed a Christian, but I just think that enabling is not the best way to go.
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3 ReactionsWhen you love a person, the term "enabling" is a difficult concept to understand. You want to help those you love. Supporting their bad habits that injure their health is not really being helpful because you are making excuses for not doing better in the end. I finally stopped enabling my husband and it didn't cause an improvement in his attitude, except he quit drinking for three months at my insistence, but then went back to it thinking that was long enough time to satisfy me. Moving to another bedroom was a good solution for me but then he would come in, wake me, and cause a tantrum about imagined problems. That's when I knew that dementia was happening. He actually liked having the bedroom to himself so he wouldn't have to address his snoring and breathing issues.
I thought he would die any day from his stopped breathing but he only fell out of bed one night and bruised his eye badly. I just learned to live through it all, and avoiding supporting his bad choices, until the end. There was nothing more I could do to help. He ended up in Hospice care for six weeks, never ate a bite, was paralyzed, and on a drug pump. I don't know what the answer is but I know you must understand what "enabling" entails. Dorisena
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2 ReactionsYes, I agree that I do not believe God is punishing or testing us, however sometimes harmful effects are the natural result of poor choices. On the matter of personal responsibility, I have opinions according to my abilities to serve and help, but I do not have the answers for those who find themselves financially or physically strapped into the responsibility of care for another family member.
I took it one day at a time and lived with the consequences, good or bad. I survived. I work on the guilt effect. I am doing well. Dorisena
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