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Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Mar 17 6:30pm | Replies (762)Comment receiving replies
Hello @jshdma
While I'm certainly not a theologian nor a medical/mental health professional, after reading your recent post I tend to agree with @IndianaScott, in that I do not believe God sends this kind of thing to someone in order to "test" them.
I do believe that in this world many difficult things do happen to us as a result of illness/disease and also poor choices that we make as individuals. Sometimes those poor choices result in difficult health problems, both physically, emotionally and cognitively. It sounds as if your brother's problems are a result of schizophrenia as well as addictions. It also sounds as if you have done a lot to try and help him but I can understand you're wanting to be free from this burden.
A couple of thoughts come to mind: Have you talked with a trained counselor? Doing so might help you release yourself from any guilt you might be carrying now.
Also, have you considered contacting an attorney to see how you can extricate yourself financially and personally from the responsibility of caring for your brother?
Replies to "Hello @jshdma While I'm certainly not a theologian nor a medical/mental health professional, after reading your..."
@hoprful33250- Thank you, it's good to have some support for my thoughts. Everything is overshadowed by the mingling of theology into a practical matter. I am indeed a Christian, but I just think that enabling is not the best way to go.
Yes, I agree that I do not believe God is punishing or testing us, however sometimes harmful effects are the natural result of poor choices. On the matter of personal responsibility, I have opinions according to my abilities to serve and help, but I do not have the answers for those who find themselves financially or physically strapped into the responsibility of care for another family member.
I took it one day at a time and lived with the consequences, good or bad. I survived. I work on the guilt effect. I am doing well. Dorisena
@jshdma Hello, I’m just adding my 2cents worth to @hopeful33250 says. I am so sorry things are so difficult for you. I agree with seeing a counselor or therapist. Therapy helped me so much in dealing with my illness and it’s effects on everything. Maybe a therapist could give some helpful advice to you. Maybe your brother would talk to someone.
Have you also sat down with his siblings to explain your needs and some things they could do to help. Like some meals for your freezer, or staying with him a few hours so you could nap or run errands. Maybe, also ask them to consider helping to cover some of the costs.
Does your brother see a psychiatrist for his schizophrenia? Or is there a mental health agency in town? You might ask him/her for suggestions. You must also think about yourself and your family. Such a difficult situation you are in. Let us know how else we can help
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Thank you, Indiana Scott, for your thoughtful response. No he does not take meds, thinks there is nothing wrong. OTOH, there is no chance I can extricate myself from his care. As I said, another sibling thinks this is a religious duty (You are your brother's keeper). If I attempt to separate, she will take over everything and it will destroy her life. She admits that he "killed our mother," but "he couldn't help it." No one ever expected him to do anything or take responsibility. Now the problem is 40 years of enabling.