Activities to do with your loved one: Share your tips

Hi@ejgroninger, the geritrician likened the brain to a battery that loses power throughout the day and needs to be recharged. That's all she really said.
I'm careful to avoid situations that are overstimulating. Too much sensory input can have a detrimental effect on an overtaxed brain.
We've had a very rainy winter here and it depresses my husband. He wants to sit up in bed in a dark room, and not walk, even if there's a break in the rain outside. He did fall on his back once on a slippery sidewalk. His knee was quite bloody, no injury other than that, but maybe he still remembers.
I can leave my husband for a few hours to do errands. He stays in the house when I'm out. I know that will end and I will have to get someone to stay with him.
The hardest thing I found was learning to accept the changes that come with this disorder.
The geritrician also told me that much of the person with dementia's demeanor is based on the behavior of the caregiver. I try to stay as calm as possible, and sometimes it's difficult!
Our puzzles are 16 - 35 pieces with an occasional 100 piece.
I wish you the best.

My husband has had chronic cluster headaches for the past 25 years. He gets 4 to 6 a day every day. The neurologist said that they are about 100 times worse than a migraine. He takes oxycondone for the pain. Now he has significant memory loss and aphasia. He is depressed and ready to give up. He doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything except watch TV. I’m overwhelmed

@heymama Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! We’re glad you found the group. The headaches sound truly awful for your husband! And you, too. And he’s had these for 28 years? Oh, my goodness. A neurologist has evaluated your husband but can offer nothing but oxycodone?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/cluster-headaches-1/
Here is a discussion on cluster headaches (in the Brain and Nervous System support group). You might try and explain your dilemma in that group and see what they might suggest.
Would your husband be open to trying something new? What would you like to see for him?

Yes, I understand. My husband has trouble walking also, so walks & such which are GREAT
are something we don't do anymore. I did get him a "transfer chair" & he made me take it back, saying "I don't want you to have to push me around." So of course I said, " I have been waiting for years to push you around?" He got the joke but still doesn't want the chair.
Has she tried reading or listening to books on tape? He will do that, but I know socialization is most important so now I am looking for those opportunities. Good luck.

Activities - my mom has done several fun things at her assisted living. They make homemade dog treats then go on an outing to give them to the local animal shelters. They've driven to the bridge over the lake where alligators hang out. I did a lot of jigsaw puzzles with mom - but she can no longer do them. I bring old photo albums and we look through them together. I show her new photos on my phone. We go on short drives, one way we talk and on the way back we listen to music - 70's - and we both sing and play air-instruments. We laugh a lot. Lately, she never wants to go out, but maybe I can find new indoor activities.

Some ideas that my wife and I enjoy include birdwatching, looking in the evenings for lightning bugs and bats, and star and meteor gazing. NPR helps with their programming of when to watch for birds, stars, planets, and meteors.

@tracidw, such great activity suggestions. Imagining you singing away and playing air-instruments brough a smile to my face. The activity list gets shorter when going out becomes less enjoyable or even stressful. But I bet she still appreciates you bringing the outdoors to her through photos on your phone.

Have you found indoor activities that are working well?

Thanks. For the past couple of months, I can't seem to get her to go out. We used to have lunch out every week.

More indoor activities I've been trying:

I have brought lunch in and we have a picnic in her room or just a chocolate malt. Mom used to love watching news bloopers, and there are many on youtube. But, it seems too fast for her or hard to hear even with her hearing aids.

Greeting Cards: I leave a bag of cards in her room with stamps. She no longer writes people but about once a month, I encourage her and say, "Hey, let's send a card to your brother!" We write it together but mostly I suggest what to say and I do the writing. I am able to address it and we walk to the mailbox in the facility.

I purchased a small custom sign with her first and middle name (Leota) which is unique. I thought it would encourage staff to ask about it and she loves telling about it (American Indian name meaning little blue prairie flower). This is more of something for her when I'm not there.

I've brought her dog to visit. And I've taken my puppy. In fact, the facility invited my puppy to celebrate National Puppy Day and everyone came to the day room while I went around with my puppy and let everyone pet her and handed out a small gift.

One more thing: I leave a dry erase board hanging next to her door, lots of different color markers. When I visit, I take it down and we create a new design. Sometimes, I just write I love you. When I return, staff will leave messages and even Mom has written on it. Then a few weeks pass and I'll change it again.

That's all I can think of for now. It's tough. Some of these activities only last a minute or two, but it's a wonderful minute if she is engaged with me. I'll keep trying new things and doing my best to love and support her.

Yes, predictability is the way to help them, but there needs to be flexibility as well. There are many variables that come into play: They might take a nap just when you’re ready to walk, or a nurse or friend may be visiting, or a visit to the doctor is necessary, or their favorite TV show is on, or a long bathroom break. I feel regardless of whatever gets in the way, the walk itself is the most important part of their day. Sometimes I’m not feeling well and have to adjust my schedule. Meals are pretty consistent and bedtime, taking meds, waking and sleeping times are also consistent.
And of course your caring and love is the most important help of all.

We have several card games we love to play, going grocery shopping, going shopping for clothes, or going to the library is fun, sitting outside and talking with others, going to a show, watching a TV movie we enjoy.