Husband diagnosed MCI: He is in denial and personality is changing

We have a Viking cruise scheduled for next Sept. I go back and forth between canceling or just taking a chance to continue with plans. His dr tells me not to cancel and that if things get worse next fall he will document for us so we can get refunds However, I am nervous about managing the travel to Amsterdam, 2 days alone there and then boarding the boat. He will be fine on the boat because it is a confined space...but he gets confused during transitions...wonder if this long awaited trip is worth it all. Some days and weeks we go along calmly without any particular issues. then, another week will bring big memory issues, angry outburst, confusion...right now I am just postponing a decision. Advice?

Really glad to hear of your Viking experience as we have one planned in May and I was worried about how we would do it. We have traveled widely before J’s diagnosis and he tells me he wants to travel more before he can no longer do it😞

I will look forward to hearing about your experience. I think that once we board the boat everything will be more easily controlled...I have only signed up for 1 tour a day, what is included in the cruise. Things are easier if my husband isn't too tired...more than 1 activity a day seems to lead to problems. Instead of booking a precruise with Viking I opted to rent an apartment in Amsterdam for 2 nights...allows some adjustment time and also hope to see a little of that city. Now Im concerned about getting to that apartment (cab is probably the best solution) and trying to see the city if he is off because of the transition. What are you thinking about?

@civvy That denial is not unusual - especially in the early stages. It seems to be so dependent on the individual’s personality. I’m always amazed at people who have a clear awareness of their dementia & acknowledge it. That was definitely not the case with my husband. It was difficult in the early stages because any interference can create conflict & turmoil in the relationship.

What I wish I had realized back then was that the agitation, etc. were probably anxiety being manifested. The person is (subconsciously) struggling to make sense of what is happening - including the changes to their personality. Sometimes the best way to approach the issue is from another direction. Perhaps try to empathize with the agitation & find an excuse for it - stress, the economy, etc. Then - and this isn’t always easy - try to get their PCP to prescribe a low-dose anti-anxiety med. Your husband may not agree but it’s worth a try.

This is very good advice. He has been on an anti anxiety meds; it is starting to help
Also, I try to practice empathy and it helps when I can acknowledge how hard this is for him. I recognize that he must sense that his brain now works differently.

We have been on many river cruises in Europe but not Viking. The Viking trip we are doing in May is on the Great Lakes and my concern was the flight, but they will meet us at airport. When we went to Amsterdam pre-dementia, the city was pretty easy to get around and walk, although it was a good bit of walking so you might want to consider taking a city tour bus or just look at brochure highlights and map to decide what he could handle before getting too tired. We didn’t use Uber but that could be a help to have the app just in case and of course have the address where you are staying in writing on you and your husband at all times for id. Also make sure his wallet has your phone number, just in case. River cruise people are very helpful and gather guests like baby ducks very well. Pre-dementia we would drift away from the tours because we were adventurous but I would not advise that now. I think we just took a cab from the airport to the ship when went so that should work for getting to the apartment. Make sure you have maps and/or navigation on your phone! I will fill you in when we return, fingers crossed.

My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2012, his decline was slow for the first 8 years, but he has rapidly gone downhill since then.

Trying to manage his moods and difficultness is certainly a challenge. I work hard to keep our days calm and, on a routine, although his agitation can rise from nowhere. Especially late afternoon when he’s tired and not my best time of day either.
I try to keep a smile on my face and a happy tone in my voice, although I’m not always successful.
When he gets agitated, sometimes I leave the room for a few minutes and come back with a big smile on my face and some distraction or a story. It doesn’t always work and trust me I don’t always feel like it either.

Wow! This must take so much out of you. My husband is 80 and the diagnosis was about 6 months ago although symptoms were evident well before the diagnosis. He is on 2 medications that may plateau the trajectory but it is hard to tell whether or not it is successful. I am not good yet at managing my own hurt and anger...it lingers after an outburst. I admire your ability to leave the room but return with a smile and happy manner. However, this is the most productive approach and I will work at improving this strategy. TY

Your tips are so appreciated. I would not have thought about assuring the address and my phone number is in his wallet. Maps on my phone! Yes, of course, the right thing to prepare now. I haven't thought through these issues enough. We both want to go on this cruise and it can happen with some careful planning. It's getting my head around what this really means. We have traveled often and my planning usually involves getting tickets in advance, plotting out the sights to include in our day..the typical vacation planning. This, however, is a different circumstance and requires different planning....some things just so obvious like the address and phone number idea!

I learned carrying address and phone numbers when my father was going to daytime adult care in our home city and one day just wanted to go home so he sneakily slipped out without notice and then got lost on what he thought was the way home. A nice young man found him wandering looked in his wallet and brought him to his home where they called us because we had our number but not our home address (don’t ask why, but we never dreamed this would happen)! 25 years later, I will never forget that experience and how thankful I was that there was a nice young man sent by an angel to guard my dad!