"You're not the only one dealing with issues!"

It is times like this when you find out who your real friends are. I have lots of so called friends, but only 3 that care enough to call. They call to see how I am doing, then they ask about my husband who has late stage lung cancer. Kudos to you for being such a great husband. It had to be hard for you to give up parts of your job so you can stay at home, care for your wife and still work. But family comes first and always should. Caregivers give up so much and we all get tired. But we do it. Our loved ones deserve that love and caring. God bless you and your wife.

I too have noticed, when people call to find out how I am, all they do is talk about themselves and their issues. I have one friend who gets on the phone and it's like a prepared speech I've heard a few times already, never asks how I'm doing. But that's just the way it is.....Never asked what I was doing for Christmas or New Year's, just recited his plans......interesting.....I guess they like to hear themselves talk

Dear @rxw1853
You are now “full-time caregiver” of your wife that Gods has given or human-life of LOVE. Now, it’s hard for you everyday, so I ask:

Before this, you had a great decades ago of a professional job, right? Did you save your money when you were working? If so, you can pay 8-hours-a-day Monday-Friday that can clean your wife in a shower; take care for her; move her that she needs and everything that helps you.

The payment could be 8-hours per day, M-F at $35-$60 per hour which is:
($35x 8) x 5 =$1,400.00 per week or almost double per week. Or you can use the 3 -day a week instead.

12 years-ago, I had a bicycle accident that hit my brain that took me a TBI member for the rest of my life. That took me to hospital for mths after. The same place that hit my body, talking, hearing. I’m home thankfully. At that starting I’ve done the same places that I wrote. Yes, according you you & your wife is forever now.

I pray for you, your wife, and families,
Greg D. @greg56xx

I hear ya.

I admit, I'm sometimes guilty of this myself. Since becoming disabled, I spend way too much time alone, and sometimes when I have someone to talk to, I prattle on.

As an example, in October 2023, I was invited to address grad students at Texas Christian University. I was scheduled for 40 minutes, but talked for over an hour, and would have kept going had the students not needed to get to their next class. I told them, "Like a lot of people who spend too much time alone, give them a chance to talk and they ...won't...shut...up."
Audio is on my YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/@srlucado/videos

On the other hand, I've had conversations with others who go on and on about themselves. I'm far away and they haven't seen me in years; my disability is mythical to them, I guess. Goes around, comes around.

By the way, how were your Christmas and New Year's? I hope you had great holidays.

@rxw1853 It's a shame that your friends are treating and talking to you this way! I too am a full time caregiver to my 63 year old husband ( i'm 59) who was diagnosed with ALZ caused by dementia in 2021. And his decline is happening faster than I thought it would 🙁 He also has progressive primary aphasia so communication is very difficult....it's hard for him to express his thoughts, if he's hurting, hungry, etc. We obviously have both stopped working. I do have an in-home care respite provider and family members help when they can but i hear ya when you say some friends have kind of "dismissed" what you are having to deal with on a daily basis. If a friend of mine said anything like that, they wouldn't be my friend any longer. Don't ever feel guilty about taking care of your wife!!! I can't tell you HOW many times I've started something, be it paying bills, answering email, making phone calls, laundry, cooking, etc that I have to stop to tend to my huband's needs, but that's what I'm here for. Is it exhausting? Sure it is as you know, but we somehow manage because that it our spouse and we love them and I would walk 1000 miles for my hubby, especially if it meant this dreadful disease would go away! I wouldn't think too much about how these "friends" are feeling about your situation because it sounds like they really don't care, and keep connected to the ones who WILL listen and help out when needed. Not all our friends are understanding or call/text to see how we are doing or if I need anything, but I am thankful for a couple of friends that DO check in and let me vent or just sit and cry with me... these are TRUE friends. The long and short of it.... friendship is a 2-way street and if you're consumed with being a caregiver, then that's just the way it has to be. Try not to lose any sleep over this and keep doing the best that you can...like i know you are 🙂 AND, whatever higher being you believe in, may you find strength and peace.
Happy New Year!!

Thank you so much @bayviewgal. Exactly right, you really learn who your true friends are in this situation; and the others who turn out to be fair-weather/over-demanding "friends". Since my initial post, fortunately I have also found a great in-home care provider, which has made a huge difference in meeting daily challenges. And a few friends do stop by from time to time to check in, which is great. But I'm more aware than ever of how many old friends and acquaintances absolutely do not want to hear about, think at all about, or confront the problems of dementia or degenerative conditions, or caregiving...maybe it is a kind of widespread fear of denial. Or they other battles in their lives. Well, I can tell that you're a dedicated, selfless caregiver and wish you strength and peace as you care for your husband, and very best wishes for a calm and happy 2025!

@rxw1853 I am happy to hear you have found an in-home care provider! The first day mine showed up a huge weight was lifted as I was pulling out of the driveway to just be "me" for the afternoon. I've gotten so used to doing what i NEED to do that it was a overwhelming amount of emotions that I got to do what i WANTED to do, that I sat in the driveway with tears rolling from my cheek. it was a HAPPY HAPPY day for me 🙂
What you said about friends being in denial I feel it a very true statement. The husband of my best friend of 25 years told me he didn't know how to react or adjust to my husband's dementia so he would make himself scarce whenever we went to their place. We were mainly their to visit her so it didn't really bother me that he would be busy doing other things But in the past year or so he has really come around and he now makes a point of making contact with Tom and will have as much of a conversation as he can. I had a brother who used to say, "'what we don't know scares us" and so i was chalking it up to that and I was okay with it. And now I have her hubby back in "my life" and and life is good again.
So keep being the selfless caregiver YOU are and after some time the people in your life may just come around as well. We can hope,right?
As always, Strength and Peace to you!