What is Normal when the end is near?

"Although nobody knows the length of time a person will live, your Mom is probably in the 2 to 3 month range."

Part of me just wants her struggle to be over - sleeping, barely eating, not knowing where she's at or why.

Another part wants the Mom I used to always have. She'll never stand up and hug me like she used to. I wished I hugged her just a little bit harder when I could. Now, I bend over her and gently touch her frail body.

So, with these opposing factions within, I'm left numb. And I feel extra guilty because I should be visiting more and I have health issues keeping me from going as often as I want. But, sometimes, I don't want to go. Overwhelmed with life and people.

Grief has been long and still, it continues... I just want to sit like the painted bunting bird I saw on this fence...