Weary of Caregiving

Posted by susan2018 @susan2018, Thu, Jan 24 2:59pm

I feel like I’m being nibbled to death by ducks. I’m weary of caregiving. Whenever I think things are getting better something else happens. I worry that I am the person who is holding everything together. I’m frustrated that I’m looked at as being capable and strong enough to help everyone. I’m scared I’m not going to stand up to the stress. I know that others reading this know exactly what I mean. My husband had a heart attack and open heart surgery this fall and was in the hospital In another town for a prolonged period with complications. At the same time my brother was seemingly having worrisome heart symptoms. My son’s father in law had a stroke. The mother of my son’s significant other was hospitalized and died. All at the same time. All of us scattered across the country. We had to cancel a vacation trip. Another family member was discovered to have serious kidney problems.Then it was Christmas with all its attendant responsibilities. Over this time we had out of state houseguests off and on for a total of about three weeks, some of the time to help me with tasks I needed help with while my husband was recovering. Then my daughter in law had issues at work and has been looking to me for guidance and support. Then my elderly mother who lives “independently”, only because I do many things for her, got sick with a terrible respiratory virus and ended up in ER. I had been scheduled for an elective one day surgery procedure in the city away from our town and had to cancel it. Then before my mother completely recovered she got sick with Norovirus and ended up hospitalized. I had to sanitize her apartment. She is back home but has required additional support. Then my husband came down with probably the same Norovirus that has been rampant in our community. I confined him to a bedroom hoping I can avoid catching this and knowing I’m going to need to sanitize this too. Yesterday Mother fell asleep in her chair with a pot on the stove setting off a smoke detector, calling me in distress. Today my husband in his weakened state fell in the bathroom. I had rescheduled my surgery for next week, but am concerned with my husband recovering, as well as traveling while the winter weather forecast is so horrible, hoping I can stay healthy and that my mother manages ok the days I’m out of town. We have a Caregiver Support group in our town. I guess I’m a candidate for membership even though what I’d really like is to just go away someplace by myself, away from phones, e mail, and texts knowing someone else is taking care of everyone and everything.

Have you spoken to his Dr? They should know of resources to help you and him. We have a Senior Behavioral unit at a local hospital here that will evaluate people like that. They are very helpful.

REPLY
@colleenyoung

@kw1904861, it was brave of you to call the police. I'm sorry to hear that not enough is being done for your husband. This must be very hard for you. Stay safe.

Jump to this post

I told my husband i found a place for my self just waiting on the back ground check…he begged me to stay…just the night befkre he was telling me to get the F out … That he hated me ..do i stay and wait for more hitting or more name calling … Or leave .? I do love him … Plus he will for sure hurt him self when i do leave …from his TBI….

REPLY
@kw1904861

I told my husband i found a place for my self just waiting on the back ground check…he begged me to stay…just the night befkre he was telling me to get the F out … That he hated me ..do i stay and wait for more hitting or more name calling … Or leave .? I do love him … Plus he will for sure hurt him self when i do leave …from his TBI….

Jump to this post

Hi @kw1904861 Since I am no expert in the area, I think your best bet is to call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline for their expert and professional advice.

REPLY

I would certainly call his Dr and explain the abuse and how anxious you are. They can help you.

REPLY
@kw1904861

I told my husband i found a place for my self just waiting on the back ground check…he begged me to stay…just the night befkre he was telling me to get the F out … That he hated me ..do i stay and wait for more hitting or more name calling … Or leave .? I do love him … Plus he will for sure hurt him self when i do leave …from his TBI….

Jump to this post

@kw1904861 You certainly are in a quandary. I echo what Scott has said, call the Domestic Abuse Hotline 800-799-7233 for their guidance. I am proud of you for finding a place to go to, and would hope you let us know what happens in the next few days.
Ginger

REPLY
@kw1904861

I told my husband i found a place for my self just waiting on the back ground check…he begged me to stay…just the night befkre he was telling me to get the F out … That he hated me ..do i stay and wait for more hitting or more name calling … Or leave .? I do love him … Plus he will for sure hurt him self when i do leave …from his TBI….

Jump to this post

@kw1904861, I agree with @indiannascott and @rmftucker. You will benefit most from the advice with professionals trained in abusive behavior and someone who knows your husband. Please call both the National Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.thehotline.org/ 1-800-799-7233 AND schedule an appointment for yourself alone to talk with his doctor.

You must keep yourself safe and this may mean that you have to remove yourself from your home. This doesn't mean you don't love him. If you are afraid that he will harm himself, tell his doctor or a social worker. These are people trained to help both you and your husband to find help. Can you make an appointment with his doctor?

REPLY
Please login or register to post a reply.