Although I haven’t posted since Feb 2019, that doesn’t mean that all has been resolved in my caregiving life. My husband has had followup at Mayo regarding pancreatic cysts that were an incidental finding on scans he had done during his January hospitalization. Long story short, after local doctor appointments, local specialists appts, three Mayo evaluation appts (with some frustrating coordination of care issues), he is scheduled for a Pancreaticoduodenectomy (Whipple) Surgery. We are hopeful and grateful for the care of Mayos’s practitioners. We now can also be grateful for his hospitalization last January that resulted in the discovery of his pancreatic condition, while it is apparently still in a precancerous state. But this past year, which started last September with a heart attack and quadruple bypass has been challenging. In addition my aged mother, who lives “independently” but only with much assistance from me, has had her own health issues and needs more assistance. I am feeling stretched thin. I am taking proactive steps for self care, investigating use of calming essential oils and scheduling an appt. with a therapist to talk about my emotions relating to the challenges of this past year, but unfortunately can’t get in for an appointment for another month. I know my husband is dealing with his own emotions and I try not to burden him with those that are my own to deal with. He doesn’t want to hear my distress, shutting down my occasional release of frustration when one more difficulty presents itself. Perhaps it only heightens his own feelings that he may find difficult to deal with, reminds him of his present frailty after a lifetime of health or even makes him feel guilty (unjustifiably so) that he is contributing to my burdens. I don’t know, but it leaves me feeling alone and even wrong for feeling frustrated. I’ve always been the strong one, the one others turn to and depend on, the one who knows what to do. Right now I’m not feeling that way.

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