1. < Hearing Loss

Tips for Speaking with Someone with Hearing Loss

Posted by Editor Ed @editored, Mar 7, 2019

I'm deaf in one ear and have a 30% loss (high frequencies) in the other. I've had a hearing aid for 50 years, since I was 18.

I've found the following Web pages to be particularly good for letting others know how to help a hard-of-hearing person hear them. I can't post the URLs right now as a new member, so I've included what these pages say.

"Communicating with People with Hearing Loss" (from ucsfhealth) https://www.ucsfhealth.org/education/communicating_with_people_with_hearing_loss/

Successful communication requires the efforts of all people involved in a conversation. Even when the person with hearing loss utilizes hearing aids and active listening strategies, it is crucial that others involved in the communication process consistently use good communication strategies, including the following:

1. Face the hearing impaired person directly, on the same level and in good light whenever possible. Position yourself so that the light is shining on the speaker's face, not in the eyes of the listener.

2. Do not talk from another room. Not being able to see each other when talking is a common reason people have difficulty understanding what is said.

3. Speak clearly, slowly, distinctly, but naturally, without shouting or exaggerating mouth movements. Shouting distorts the sound of speech and may make speech reading more difficult.

4. Say the person's name before beginning a conversation. This gives the listener a chance to focus attention and reduces the chance of missing words at the beginning of the conversation.

5. Avoid talking too rapidly or using sentences that are too complex. Slow down a little, pause between sentences or phrases, and wait to make sure you have been understood before going on.

6. Keep your hands away from your face while talking. If you are eating, chewing, smoking, etc. while talking, your speech will be more difficult to understand. Beards and moustaches can also interfere with the ability of the hearing impaired to speech read.

7. If the hearing impaired listener hears better in one ear than the other, try to make a point of remembering which ear is better so that you will know where to position yourself.

8. Be aware of possible distortion of sounds for the hearing impaired person.They may hear your voice, but still may have difficulty understanding some words.

9. Most hearing impaired people have greater difficulty understanding speech when there is background noise. Try to minimize extraneous noise when talking.

10. Some people with hearing loss are very sensitive to loud sounds. This reduced tolerance for loud sounds is not uncommon. Avoid situations where there will be loud sounds when possible.

11. If the hearing impaired person has difficulty understanding a particular phrase or word, try to find a different way of saying the same thing, rather than repeating the original words over and over.

12. Acquaint the listener with the general topic of the conversation. Avoid sudden changes of topic. If the subject is changed, tell the hearing impaired person what you are talking about now. In a group setting, repeat questions or key facts before continuing with the discussion.

13. If you are giving specific information -- such as time, place or phone numbers -- to someone who is hearing impaired, have them repeat the specifics back to you. Many numbers and words sound alike.

14. Whenever possible, provide pertinent information in writing, such as directions, schedules, work assignments, etc.

15. Recognize that everyone, especially the hard-of-hearing, has a harder time hearing and understanding when ill or tired.

16. Pay attention to the listener. A puzzled look may indicate misunderstanding. Tactfully ask the hearing impaired person if they understood you, or ask leading questions so you know your message got across.

17. Take turns speaking and avoid interrupting other speakers.

18. Enroll in aural rehabilitation classes with your hearing impaired spouse or friend.

"10 Tips For Communicating With People With Hearing Loss" (from Beltone)

1. Get their attention Getting the listener’s attention before you start speaking will give them a moment to shift their attention and focus on you. Try saying the person’s name, touching their arm or using a gesture to get their attention.

2. Eye contact Ensure that you are face to face with your hearing impaired listener. Maintaining eye contact will help them focus on what you’re saying. Lip reading and facial expressions play a large part in communicating for both sides of the conversation.

3. Speak naturally and clearly – don’t shout Speak clearly, at a normal or slightly slower speed and enunciate your words. Speaking in a slightly louder voice may also help your listener understand, but be careful not to shout. Shouting distorts the sound of your words and can make lip reading more difficult.

4. Keep your hands away from your face Most listeners depend on lip reading and facial expressions to understand conversations more completely. Be sure not to cover your face and avoid exaggerated facial expressions that may distort your mouth and impede the listener’s ability to lip read.

5. Rephrase If you find that you’re being asked to repeat yourself, try rephrasing and using different words to make your message easier to understand. Ask leading or clarifying questions throughout the conversation to ensure your message is clear.

6. Avoid excessive background noise Background noise makes listening conditions difficult for those with hearing loss, try to avoid situations where there will be loud noises whenever possible. Turn off the television/radio, move away from noisy areas and if you’re in a social environment, try to find a quiet place to sit or a seat in a restaurant that is away from the kitchen or large gatherings.

7. Talk into their “good ear” Many people who suffer from hearing loss tend to have one ear that is stronger than the other. Look for cues as to which ear that is, ask them if appropriate, and situate yourself on that side of your listener.

8. Watch your listener Pay attention to your listener’s facial expressions and body language for signs of confusion or that they don’t understand. If you notice that they seem puzzled, tactfully ask if they understand or if they need clarification.

9. Speak to the person, not the interpreter If your listener communicates via an interpreter, be sure to keep your eyes on and speak directly to your listener and not the interpreter. It may seem odd at first, but the interpreter is a tool to help the listener communicate.

10. Be understanding You may feel understandably frustrated when interacting with the hearing impaired, but keep in mind how it must be for them on a daily basis. Be patient. Communicating with hearing loss is a cooperative effort and requires understanding from both sides.

I'd add a few other pieces of advice:

1. Don't talk while you are walking away.

2. When getting into or out of a car with someone, don't talk while you are on opposite sides. Wait until you're both in the car, or until you're close to each other outside the car. And don't talk while the garage door is going up or down.

3. Never say "Never mind." It makes the person you say it to feel unimportant to you!

When I'm on the phone with someone who's speaking too quickly, or who has a foreign accent (which I generally find hard to understand), I always start by saying that I'm hard of hearing, and that I'd appreciate it if they could speak a bit slower (and louder, if I think that would help). Sales people and help line people often forget that sometime during the conversation. If so, I try to gently remind them.

I hope this is helpful!

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Hearing Loss Support Group.

larryplano | @larryplano | Oct 10, 2021

Hello, I just came across this discussion titled "Tips for Speaking with Someone with Hearing Loss" and I sincerely appreciate all the suggestions! If only everyone, especially those without hearing loss, could read and absorb them! I had no idea there were support groups for hearing loss and I only came across this discussion after another heart-wrenching family meeting in which my hearing loss was discussed as a major source of deterioration in the family relationship. Since I already wear hearing aids, I wouldn't expect such critical remarks, yet that's where we are and I know many other households experience much the same problems that we do.

For the record, I wear Phonak amplified BTE Bluetooth hearing aids which help somewhat with my hearing loss, but they amplify a lot of unwanted noise as well. Like many with hearing loss, I also lip read somewhat if I am facing someone.

In my situation, I've done my best to deal with my hearing loss over the years, which first became inconveniently noticeable at around the time I turned 55 (10 years ago). My co-worker, who sat right next to me, had a very soft voice that forced me to lean in closer whenever he spoke to me and even then I often had to ask him to repeat himself. At that same time, my wife began expressing frustration over my asking her to repeat herself so often. An audiologist told me I had borderline hearing loss and that the best solution was to be my own advocate, which meant asking people to repeat themselves, speaking up, or even approaching them directly face-to-face. That worked for a few years; then my wife asked me to go for a follow-up hearing test and I've now been wearing hearing aids for around five years.

I have often told others that hearing loss is one of the most unforgiveable handicaps a person can have. Another is ADHD, but that's another topic for another discussion. Frankly, I do not understand why those with hearing loss are often treated so callously, as though they are able to flip a switch and "fix it," but they "apparently" don't care about imposing their handicap on others. That's an incredible way to regard those with hearing loss, yet those are the vibes I've often received from others, including my spouse! In my youth I was exposed to many older folks with hearing loss, including my great-grandparents. They mostly yelled at each other because that's the only way they could hear what the other person was saying. I didn't regard them as being "mean" to each other or otherwise inconsiderate -- I just knew they had severe hearing loss. In the same way, when they spoke loudly to me, I didn't ask them to speak more softly because I knew their loud tone wasn't intentional and I also knew that if they spoke at MY comfort level, they most likely wouldn't have been able to hear their own voices. Can you imagine speaking to someone while not hearing any sound coming out of your voice box? And would you ask anyone to do that so the sound of their voice will have a more pleasing effect on YOUR ears?

The main hurdle I have with hearing loss (relationship-wise) is somehow conveying to those with near-perfect hearing to not only be understanding of those who find themselves asking you to repeat yourself, but to also be understanding of those who are speaking LOUDER than normal because otherwise they may feel like they're whispering. Speaking for myself, I would never intentionally blare my words out to anyone, but if I AM, some gentle hand gestures indicating that I need to turn my volume down would be better received than later pointing out how rude and boisterous I come across with the tenor of my voice.

As a result of our latest family meeting discussing my failure to meet my wife and daughter's expectations with my voice levels, I've decided to do the following: (1) While on the phone (with the Bluetooth audio coming in to my hearing aids), I will either go to a separate room for a private conversation OR I will put the phone on "Speaker" so my wife can hear both ends of the conversation (because apparently I speak too loudly when the audio comes in to my hearing aids), (2) Since it is so difficult for me to speak when I cannot hear my own voice, I will henceforth try to limit conversations. This is the only solution I can come up with for a family member who claims my voice actually hurts her ears and doesn't want to have to put on ear plugs whenever I happen to be in the same room. By the way, this new approach applies even while I'm wearing my hearing aids. I do not always wear them, but it seems like even when I do, I speak too loudly.

I am surprised that I haven't been able to locate any helpful online articles addressing how to deal with folks who, despite wearing hearing aids, speak what is generally considered too loudly. I tried many different combinations on Google, but I couldn't find anything helpful. They all tend to assume that the person speaking too loudly doesn't already wear hearing aids. I'm obviously not an audiologist, but if I were one, I would put together SOMETHING to help guide family members of a loved one experiencing hearing loss AND the accompanying "loud volume" symptom. In the meantime, here are a few items that I personally wish my own family would consider:

1) BLAMING: Please do not insinuate or create an impression that this is your loved one's fault! Trust me, those with hearing loss WANT to hear you clearly and I highly doubt they ever mean to yell at you!
2) UNDERSTAND and accept that those with hearing loss are naturally going to speak louder than those without it! We are supposed to bear with each other, so unless someone with hearing loss sounds like a foghorn and is literally giving you a headache, try to bear with him/her a little without being hyper-critical. When you're trying to do the right thing, yet nonetheless criticized, it hurts. Show some compassion instead of repulsion or rejection.
3) GENTLE GESTURES vs verbal criticism: When the voice volume is simply too high, use some gentle hand gestures to guide the speaker, such as a gesture indicating you're turning down the volume on the radio. Using glaring-eyed frowns or other unbecoming facial gestures, or even calling a family meeting to put the offender in the "hot seat" (after the fact) is counter-productive to maintaining a healthy relationship.
4) GET TESTED: IF the speaker doesn't already wear hearing aids, then by all means gently suggest that he/she would greatly benefit from having a hearing exam. Hearing loss is truly a two-way street and those with hearing loss need to bear SOME responsibility in resolving the problem! So when it becomes fairly obvious there's a hearing problem going on, show your loved ones you care by getting a hearing test, and if the consensus is that you need hearing aids, then prove you care by getting them and wearing them.

In my own situation, I am saddened to say I was wearing hearing aids during a recent phone discussion, yet rules #1-3 above were not applied and the general family consensus seems to be it's my fault. While I will try to accommodate their vocal volume requirements, I think things could have been handled differently. In all fairness, there are some helpful articles out there addressing how to deal with a loved one experiencing hearing loss, such as facing them directly, not speaking to them from another room, reducing background noise, not shouting, etc. Those are all very helpful tips, but I hope what I just added will also be considered because I KNOW it's not just me! Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings!

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Oct 10, 2021

Hello @larryplano and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I am not a regular member of this group, but I read with interest your post on approaches to conversations with those who are hearing impaired. Personally, I learned a lot and I thank you for that.

I'm sure the mentor of this group, @julieo4, will be in touch with you as well.

REPLY
Mentor
Julie, Volunteer Mentor | @julieo4 | Oct 10, 2021
In reply to @larryplano "Hello, I just came across this discussion titled "Tips for Speaking with Someone with Hearing Loss"..." + (show)
@larryplano

Hello, I just came across this discussion titled "Tips for Speaking with Someone with Hearing Loss" and I sincerely appreciate all the suggestions! If only everyone, especially those without hearing loss, could read and absorb them! I had no idea there were support groups for hearing loss and I only came across this discussion after another heart-wrenching family meeting in which my hearing loss was discussed as a major source of deterioration in the family relationship. Since I already wear hearing aids, I wouldn't expect such critical remarks, yet that's where we are and I know many other households experience much the same problems that we do.

For the record, I wear Phonak amplified BTE Bluetooth hearing aids which help somewhat with my hearing loss, but they amplify a lot of unwanted noise as well. Like many with hearing loss, I also lip read somewhat if I am facing someone.

In my situation, I've done my best to deal with my hearing loss over the years, which first became inconveniently noticeable at around the time I turned 55 (10 years ago). My co-worker, who sat right next to me, had a very soft voice that forced me to lean in closer whenever he spoke to me and even then I often had to ask him to repeat himself. At that same time, my wife began expressing frustration over my asking her to repeat herself so often. An audiologist told me I had borderline hearing loss and that the best solution was to be my own advocate, which meant asking people to repeat themselves, speaking up, or even approaching them directly face-to-face. That worked for a few years; then my wife asked me to go for a follow-up hearing test and I've now been wearing hearing aids for around five years.

I have often told others that hearing loss is one of the most unforgiveable handicaps a person can have. Another is ADHD, but that's another topic for another discussion. Frankly, I do not understand why those with hearing loss are often treated so callously, as though they are able to flip a switch and "fix it," but they "apparently" don't care about imposing their handicap on others. That's an incredible way to regard those with hearing loss, yet those are the vibes I've often received from others, including my spouse! In my youth I was exposed to many older folks with hearing loss, including my great-grandparents. They mostly yelled at each other because that's the only way they could hear what the other person was saying. I didn't regard them as being "mean" to each other or otherwise inconsiderate -- I just knew they had severe hearing loss. In the same way, when they spoke loudly to me, I didn't ask them to speak more softly because I knew their loud tone wasn't intentional and I also knew that if they spoke at MY comfort level, they most likely wouldn't have been able to hear their own voices. Can you imagine speaking to someone while not hearing any sound coming out of your voice box? And would you ask anyone to do that so the sound of their voice will have a more pleasing effect on YOUR ears?

The main hurdle I have with hearing loss (relationship-wise) is somehow conveying to those with near-perfect hearing to not only be understanding of those who find themselves asking you to repeat yourself, but to also be understanding of those who are speaking LOUDER than normal because otherwise they may feel like they're whispering. Speaking for myself, I would never intentionally blare my words out to anyone, but if I AM, some gentle hand gestures indicating that I need to turn my volume down would be better received than later pointing out how rude and boisterous I come across with the tenor of my voice.

As a result of our latest family meeting discussing my failure to meet my wife and daughter's expectations with my voice levels, I've decided to do the following: (1) While on the phone (with the Bluetooth audio coming in to my hearing aids), I will either go to a separate room for a private conversation OR I will put the phone on "Speaker" so my wife can hear both ends of the conversation (because apparently I speak too loudly when the audio comes in to my hearing aids), (2) Since it is so difficult for me to speak when I cannot hear my own voice, I will henceforth try to limit conversations. This is the only solution I can come up with for a family member who claims my voice actually hurts her ears and doesn't want to have to put on ear plugs whenever I happen to be in the same room. By the way, this new approach applies even while I'm wearing my hearing aids. I do not always wear them, but it seems like even when I do, I speak too loudly.

I am surprised that I haven't been able to locate any helpful online articles addressing how to deal with folks who, despite wearing hearing aids, speak what is generally considered too loudly. I tried many different combinations on Google, but I couldn't find anything helpful. They all tend to assume that the person speaking too loudly doesn't already wear hearing aids. I'm obviously not an audiologist, but if I were one, I would put together SOMETHING to help guide family members of a loved one experiencing hearing loss AND the accompanying "loud volume" symptom. In the meantime, here are a few items that I personally wish my own family would consider:

1) BLAMING: Please do not insinuate or create an impression that this is your loved one's fault! Trust me, those with hearing loss WANT to hear you clearly and I highly doubt they ever mean to yell at you!
2) UNDERSTAND and accept that those with hearing loss are naturally going to speak louder than those without it! We are supposed to bear with each other, so unless someone with hearing loss sounds like a foghorn and is literally giving you a headache, try to bear with him/her a little without being hyper-critical. When you're trying to do the right thing, yet nonetheless criticized, it hurts. Show some compassion instead of repulsion or rejection.
3) GENTLE GESTURES vs verbal criticism: When the voice volume is simply too high, use some gentle hand gestures to guide the speaker, such as a gesture indicating you're turning down the volume on the radio. Using glaring-eyed frowns or other unbecoming facial gestures, or even calling a family meeting to put the offender in the "hot seat" (after the fact) is counter-productive to maintaining a healthy relationship.
4) GET TESTED: IF the speaker doesn't already wear hearing aids, then by all means gently suggest that he/she would greatly benefit from having a hearing exam. Hearing loss is truly a two-way street and those with hearing loss need to bear SOME responsibility in resolving the problem! So when it becomes fairly obvious there's a hearing problem going on, show your loved ones you care by getting a hearing test, and if the consensus is that you need hearing aids, then prove you care by getting them and wearing them.

In my own situation, I am saddened to say I was wearing hearing aids during a recent phone discussion, yet rules #1-3 above were not applied and the general family consensus seems to be it's my fault. While I will try to accommodate their vocal volume requirements, I think things could have been handled differently. In all fairness, there are some helpful articles out there addressing how to deal with a loved one experiencing hearing loss, such as facing them directly, not speaking to them from another room, reducing background noise, not shouting, etc. Those are all very helpful tips, but I hope what I just added will also be considered because I KNOW it's not just me! Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings!

Jump to this post

Hi @larryplano Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect's discussion group on hearing loss. You are right. HL is grossly misunderstood by those who do NOT have it, and that includes a lot of family members and friends.

Have you discovered The Hearing Loss Assn. of America in your research? If not, I highly recommend connecting with HLAA. Find out if there is an active chapter in your geographical area, and reach out to them if there is one. COVID has disrupted a lot of things, and the HLAA meetings are among them, but most chapters have adapted to using Zoom videoconferencing to hold gatherings/meetings. Many are educational, but some are socially oriented opportunities to talk about "IT". "IT" being how hearing loss affects our lives. The HLAA website is: http://www.hearingloss.org

HLAA is a consumer based group that shares information, educates, advocates and provides peer support. The organization was founded in 1979. It was then called "Self Help for Hard of Hearing People, Inc." (SHHH)I often give this organization credit for saving my life, my marriage, and my sanity...also my career.

My HL was diagnosed in the 60s when there was absolutely no support or help. Even the medical professional, including those in hearing healthcare field, had no clue how to help us, and no encouragement to offer. It was basically "Learn to live with it as nothing can be done for you." Most discouraged the use of hearing aids 'because they didn't do much and were too expensive.' Back then they were analog devices that cost around $400 each.

SHHH/HLAA has opened the world of communication to people with partial deafness. Consumers have not settled for bad answers, and have encouraged the development of better hearing aids, other forms of assistive technology and communication access, etc. The organization made sure that 'communication access' was included in the American's with Disabilities Act'. Still, far too many hard of hearing people don't get the message they need, and HLAA remains a well kept secret unfortunately. Professionals tend to not like groups that advocate and educate in the field they feel they know everything about, so many don't tell their patients about HLAA.

HLAA works hard to get information to the public, but it is a non profit that works hard on little money. The general public looks at hearing loss as a stigma related issue and has a lot of wrong information and attitudes. Those even affect the people who have HL because they are embarrassed to open up about it. Stigma is one of our worst enemies. Sadly, frustration, fear and anger are too.

HLAA is holding a national convention in Tampa next June. The conventions are amazing. Just being in a place where HL is the 'norm' is enlightening. Every meeting is captioned. Many are signed although very few hard of hearing people use sign language. We want to remain in the hearing mainstream and have learned that technology is what keeps us there. Few find sign language an answer. The tech we need goes way beyond hearing aids.

Where do you live? There are close to 48 million people in the United States who have partial deafness. There are many who live close to you. There may even be an HLAA chapter in your area. Please feel free to respond to this thread or personal message me.

No one has to live alone with hearing loss. And family members, friends, and co-workers need to better understand how to help us. There are ways to do that.

REPLY
1 reply
larryplano | @larryplano | Oct 10, 2021

Teresa, thank you very much for your encouraging words! My previous posting, as I'm sure you can tell, was done out of frustration after feeling I was "ganged up on," so to speak, and made to feel that I'm the source of all that is wrong in our household. I know my hearing loss is an inconvenience for all of us, and I hate that, but there really aren't many options for accommodating someone with hearing loss who talks too loudly even when he's wearing hearing aids! I know if I were blind, completely deaf or if I had a broken leg, my wonderful family would go to great lengths to accommodate my handicap. But it's truly difficult to completely overhaul the tone of voice you've always used and "heard" all your life when your hearing loss causes you to adjust your tone to match your new level of hearing (or lack thereof). This is a concept that many do not seem to grasp. And I do need to add that I know my family means well! But there's a problem when people think they understand the circumstances you're experiencing, yet they do not.

I am interested in the "assistive listening assist" device that Ed referenced above for situations when hearing aids are not enough, especially in group settings. It is gratifying to know I'm not the only one who cannot handle being in large group settings. We attended my niece's wedding earlier this year and I had to leave the post-wedding reception party shortly after the music and dancing began. I couldn't handle the combination of LOUD noise level, plus attempting to carry on conversations with people. I was astounded that people were actually talking to each other during the event! All I was able to do was smile and nod (and yes, I was wearing my hearing aids)! The weirdest part was whenever I tried apologizing to someone, explaining that for some reason I cannot carry on conversations in group settings due to the voices and background noises all blending into a congealing conglomerate of babble, they would say things like, "I have the same problem!" Then they would go off and visit with someone else like it was a normal, everyday peaceful setting! Thanks again for your encouragement, Teresa! -- Larry

REPLY
larryplano | @larryplano | Oct 10, 2021
In reply to @julieo4 "Hi @larryplano Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect's discussion group on hearing loss. You are right. HL..." + (show)
@julieo4

Hi @larryplano Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect's discussion group on hearing loss. You are right. HL is grossly misunderstood by those who do NOT have it, and that includes a lot of family members and friends.

Have you discovered The Hearing Loss Assn. of America in your research? If not, I highly recommend connecting with HLAA. Find out if there is an active chapter in your geographical area, and reach out to them if there is one. COVID has disrupted a lot of things, and the HLAA meetings are among them, but most chapters have adapted to using Zoom videoconferencing to hold gatherings/meetings. Many are educational, but some are socially oriented opportunities to talk about "IT". "IT" being how hearing loss affects our lives. The HLAA website is: http://www.hearingloss.org

HLAA is a consumer based group that shares information, educates, advocates and provides peer support. The organization was founded in 1979. It was then called "Self Help for Hard of Hearing People, Inc." (SHHH)I often give this organization credit for saving my life, my marriage, and my sanity...also my career.

My HL was diagnosed in the 60s when there was absolutely no support or help. Even the medical professional, including those in hearing healthcare field, had no clue how to help us, and no encouragement to offer. It was basically "Learn to live with it as nothing can be done for you." Most discouraged the use of hearing aids 'because they didn't do much and were too expensive.' Back then they were analog devices that cost around $400 each.

SHHH/HLAA has opened the world of communication to people with partial deafness. Consumers have not settled for bad answers, and have encouraged the development of better hearing aids, other forms of assistive technology and communication access, etc. The organization made sure that 'communication access' was included in the American's with Disabilities Act'. Still, far too many hard of hearing people don't get the message they need, and HLAA remains a well kept secret unfortunately. Professionals tend to not like groups that advocate and educate in the field they feel they know everything about, so many don't tell their patients about HLAA.

HLAA works hard to get information to the public, but it is a non profit that works hard on little money. The general public looks at hearing loss as a stigma related issue and has a lot of wrong information and attitudes. Those even affect the people who have HL because they are embarrassed to open up about it. Stigma is one of our worst enemies. Sadly, frustration, fear and anger are too.

HLAA is holding a national convention in Tampa next June. The conventions are amazing. Just being in a place where HL is the 'norm' is enlightening. Every meeting is captioned. Many are signed although very few hard of hearing people use sign language. We want to remain in the hearing mainstream and have learned that technology is what keeps us there. Few find sign language an answer. The tech we need goes way beyond hearing aids.

Where do you live? There are close to 48 million people in the United States who have partial deafness. There are many who live close to you. There may even be an HLAA chapter in your area. Please feel free to respond to this thread or personal message me.

No one has to live alone with hearing loss. And family members, friends, and co-workers need to better understand how to help us. There are ways to do that.

Jump to this post

Julie, thank you so much for taking the time to supply me with all that helpful information. You are a true servant and I appreciate everything. You asked if I discovered The Hearing Loss Assn. of America in my research and the answer is yes. While they appear to be a valuable source of support and information, my current schedule and location in North Texas would not allow me to attend any meetings. I wish that could be different because even in this forum I have come across so many individuals with whom I can relate. That common bond, as small as it may seem right now, is a source of strength for me and I would love to have more of that! It is true that my audiologist did not give me any information about HLAA and I think that would have been a nice touch. After all, if we're going to get more people to understand what we go through, we need a strong foundation like HLAA to help educate the general public. We all know that knowledge is power!

On a positive note, my wife and daughter extended me an olive branch of sorts by suggesting that when we watch Netflix programs, they will now select the closed captioning option. It's not a solution, but even a little understanding can go a long way. And since I know I will likely "forget myself" vocally when I take phone calls, I will make a habit of leaving the room when answering the phone. I think a lot of friction can be avoided when we try meeting others halfway!

Finally, thank you for sharing your story of what things were like back in the 60's compared to today. I know we've come a long way and I am thankful for the progress of technology I'm experiencing first-hand while wearing hearing aids.

REPLY
1 reply
Julie Chitwood | @billchitwood | Oct 11, 2021

Both my husband and I wear HAs. Lately I notice that even with his on he can't hear me and I have to get right up to him and - what sounds to me - yell loudly so he can hear me. Just this month his HAs were checked and adjusted for him. I think part of the problem is that he is suffering from short term memory loss, which seems to be getting worse. The family just yells at him - with smiles on our faces. Good luck with your 'ears'.

REPLY
2 replies
Mentor
Julie, Volunteer Mentor | @julieo4 | Oct 11, 2021
In reply to @billchitwood "Both my husband and I wear HAs. Lately I notice that even with his on he..." + (show)
@billchitwood

Both my husband and I wear HAs. Lately I notice that even with his on he can't hear me and I have to get right up to him and - what sounds to me - yell loudly so he can hear me. Just this month his HAs were checked and adjusted for him. I think part of the problem is that he is suffering from short term memory loss, which seems to be getting worse. The family just yells at him - with smiles on our faces. Good luck with your 'ears'.

Jump to this post

You may want to read the book, "Shouting Doesn't Help", by Katherine Bouton. It's an excellent resource for understanding what helps a person with hearing loss and what does not. Check it out on Amazon. One of the first 'rules' of living with someone else's hearing loss is to always get their attention before trying to talk to them. While 3 seconds may feel like a full minute to a hearing person, it is worth using that wee bit of time to access attention. It's also important to understand that background noise distorts hearing. Turn off the TV, the music, the dishwasher, the fan, or whatever else is creating that noise. You probably don't even notice it yourself, but it is a barrier to desired sound for the person with HL.

It's unfortunate that some hearing aids do not have manual volume control. People do need to be able to turn them up or down depending on the environment. Automatic controls are promoted as positive new options. Most people who have used hearing aids for any length of time will tell you that they want to be able to control them. Mentioning this only because it could be a reason why your husband doesn't hear you when you speak. First and foremost though....get his attention before you start talking.

PS: You many know most of this since you use hearing aids yourself. 🙂

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Julie Chitwood | @billchitwood | Oct 11, 2021

Thank you for the suggests. I do lean into him and try very hard not to answer him from another room - I do a lot of walking! Room to room! Our one daughter has a perfect voice for those with hearing problems. Others in the family not so much.

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Mentor
Julie, Volunteer Mentor | @julieo4 | Oct 11, 2021
In reply to @larryplano "Julie, thank you so much for taking the time to supply me with all that helpful..." + (show)
@larryplano

Julie, thank you so much for taking the time to supply me with all that helpful information. You are a true servant and I appreciate everything. You asked if I discovered The Hearing Loss Assn. of America in my research and the answer is yes. While they appear to be a valuable source of support and information, my current schedule and location in North Texas would not allow me to attend any meetings. I wish that could be different because even in this forum I have come across so many individuals with whom I can relate. That common bond, as small as it may seem right now, is a source of strength for me and I would love to have more of that! It is true that my audiologist did not give me any information about HLAA and I think that would have been a nice touch. After all, if we're going to get more people to understand what we go through, we need a strong foundation like HLAA to help educate the general public. We all know that knowledge is power!

On a positive note, my wife and daughter extended me an olive branch of sorts by suggesting that when we watch Netflix programs, they will now select the closed captioning option. It's not a solution, but even a little understanding can go a long way. And since I know I will likely "forget myself" vocally when I take phone calls, I will make a habit of leaving the room when answering the phone. I think a lot of friction can be avoided when we try meeting others halfway!

Finally, thank you for sharing your story of what things were like back in the 60's compared to today. I know we've come a long way and I am thankful for the progress of technology I'm experiencing first-hand while wearing hearing aids.

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Hi again Larry! The only reason HLAA chapters exist is because people like you (and me) started them in their home regions. I came out of my 'hard of hearing closet' when I was in my late 30s. I had a friend who was a reporter for local news. She wrote an article about hearing loss and mentioned a 'meeting' that would take place at the local library. I called that meeting and was the person they came to hear without having a clue what it would be about other than hearing loss.

I was shocked when 50+ people of all ages showed up. It was the first time most of them had ever talked about their hearing loss. A group of 11 from that group decided to get together to see if we might be able to start a support group. The hearing aid providers in the area thought we were nuts because they knew how much people hid hearing loss. That group of 11 met many times over the next several months. Much of the talk at those gatherings was about our frustrations and experiences with friends, family and jobs. It helped so much to realize we were all having similar experiences. Learning we were not alone was huge. Our ages ran from 18 - 80. Just sitting around the table was therapeutic. Only one person talked at a time. We turned off all the background noise, etc. That is how HLAA Fox Valley Chapter started, and has been going ever since.

Traveling alone was not on my personal agenda then, and I was scared stiff to travel to the first national convention alone. I did though, and found it was the absolute best opportunity for me to experience something positive about hearing loss. It motivated me to get more involved and I ended up on the organization's national board of trustees. Again, people of many ages and from very different walks of life. I was lucky my spouse and daughter supported me even though they were a bit concerned about me traveling alone.

Only mentioning this because I encourage you to consider traveling to that national convention if you possibly can. You will not be disappointed. You will be motivated. It's worth saving for. My spouse and daughter eventually attended a few of those annual conventions. The funniest thing was that they were the ones who felt a bit left out in the crowd.

One other thing; learning to modulate your voice takes practice. Work on it. You don't have to shout to hear yourself. It becomes a habit. Many hard of hearing people speak too softly. Again, it's something that takes a bit of practice.

Last, but not least is learning about assistive tech that goes beyond hearing aids. Having a telecoil in a hearing aid is like having a gold mine at your disposal. It allows the use of hand held microphones, and other technology installed in meeting spaces. It can be connected to the TV at home, or installed around a room. It requires learning how to use. A simple $50 neckloop, used with telecoil equipped hearing aids can connect you to audio devices like computers, radios, cell phones, etc. Yes, BlueTooth can also do some of that, but learning to use both telecoils and BT is most helpful.

Without SHHH/HLAA these technologies might not be available today. No, they didn't do the research, but they promoted the concept that people with hearing loss needed more, and wanted more. And more research into medicine and technology was vital to improve things. This has been challenging because a very active culturally Deaf population has been extremely loud about NOT wanting to be 'fixed'. The public hears that and always tended to lump us all together even though the data shows that only 2 million Deaf people feel that way, while most of the 46 million other people with hearing spend their energy trying to hide they have it.

Sorry, on my bandwagon here, but if we who have hearing loss don't get more involved in effecting change related to curing and remedying it, little attention is given to a problem experienced by nearly 18% of the population. And, we know that many from the rest of the population are affected by hearing loss because they are close to us.

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1 reply
larryplano | @larryplano | Oct 12, 2021
In reply to @billchitwood "Both my husband and I wear HAs. Lately I notice that even with his on he..." + (show)
@billchitwood

Both my husband and I wear HAs. Lately I notice that even with his on he can't hear me and I have to get right up to him and - what sounds to me - yell loudly so he can hear me. Just this month his HAs were checked and adjusted for him. I think part of the problem is that he is suffering from short term memory loss, which seems to be getting worse. The family just yells at him - with smiles on our faces. Good luck with your 'ears'.

Jump to this post

Greetings to you and thank you for joining the conversation! Sadly, I can relate to your husband, esp the short-term memory loss part! I agree with Julie's answer that shouting doesn't work. Get his attention first, then speak to him face-to-face in a kind way. Of course, you may need to raise your voice some, but hopefully not to the point of yelling. Impatiently raising one's voice to get someone's attention (facial expressions do matter) can be more detrimental than effective. I'm glad you all smile, but friendly gestures to get his attention BEFORE speaking most likely generate the best results. It's a fairly simple thing to do. One of the worst things I've heard is something along the line of, "I've been trying to get your attention for the past three minutes!" And I'm made to feel like it's all my fault because I'm only NOW getting the message! Can I help it if I didn't hear you for those three minutes? (And of course, this begs the question as to whether or not it was REALLY three minutes or might you be exaggerating just a little?).

It sounds as though your husband's hearing is worse than yours. You may need to compensate in other ways. This is extreme, but I remember how I could call my dad on the phone from 700 miles away and have a nice conversation, but when I went to visit him, the dynamics changed and I found myself writing down questions for him to read and answer! While he was in a long-term care facility, one day a doctor friend stopped by to visit and told him, "I didn't see you in church yesterday!" A puzzled look came over my dad's face and he replied, "PEANUT BUTTER???!!!" I then realized his hearing loss had deteriorated into something a little more serious than I had previously realized! Anyway, I'm glad you're bearing with your husband and I'm sure just knowing you love him no matter what means A LOT to him! We all need that reassurance. Thanks again!

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