Therapy Homework: How Caregiving Affects Relationships

Hi Judi, I was just thinking about how I’ve given up most of my own life to be a caregiver for mother. I’m a shell of my former self & harbor resentment towards the situation, but it’s the only option. Losing my job over a year ago due to caregiving responsibilities was rough. In addition to financial loss, I lost my work friends too. She’s in another state so by caregiving for her, I’ve lost my own community.

I did get closer to family. Otherwise I visit online communities like Mayo for comfort, information and conversation, as well as to offer what I can to support others along the caregiver journey.
🤗❤️✨

@gratia
That is a lot of loss to deal with at once, and I'm sure it's taking its toll.
I am happy to hear you report getting closer to family, that's great.
I had a therapy session this week and told my therapist I wanted to focus on the theme of loss. There is such a domino affect happening when your loved one starts to need you so much.
Here's to hoping that for all the losses we endure, we'll also have some gains.
Virtual hugs and support. 🌻

@judimahoney I greatly appreciate your insights, kindness and resilience. Dementia and other types of cognitive impairment are so difficult to navigate. The domino effect is a very good way to describe the fallout & collateral damage that occurs in these situations.

🤗❤️

@gratia
I appreciate you too (and embarrassed I used the wrong word affect instead of effect 🙄).

@judimahoney I didn’t even notice that. I like your reference to dominoes 🤗❤️

@judimahoney: Being a caregiver for MCI brings sadness faced with losing my loved one a little more every day. I remind myself that I have many reasons to be grateful that we can still share moments of clarity; however, those fleeting moments are so illusive I can’t say it brings happiness into my life.
To put it in a nutshell: Death comes suddenly - MCI results in a slow, unpredictable pattern that bleeds you to desiring death. dbamos1945

Mostly they have become absent, and are busy with their own lives. Some new aquaintances though from all the visits to fill prescriptions, get food and whatnot. I have read that long term illness is when friends become strangers and strangers become friends. A very good book about caregiving is We are Stronger than We Look by Jill Brown.

We’re in what everyone calls a “unique “ position because he’s 58, I’m 57, and we’re Parenting 2.0 with 3 littles…ages 5, 4, and 2 1/2. We were already dealing with the loss of friends, retirement plans, etc when BAM! Early Onset Alzheimer’s diagnosis this May for him. My world is shrinking all the time. No one knows what to say or do because it’s like a bad joke.😢. This is my 30th year teaching, and he can be by himself for now, so I will continue teaching and raising our kids while managing this new chapter. We have no one. It’s not easy.

@brn2tch, Caring for your husband, raising three small children and still holding down a teaching position - You Madam are a superhuman. Hopefully you have a very extensive and reliable source of support. Please remember to take care of yourself - read this message that I found online recently; it is a good guid to follow for all caregivers.
Be well and best of luck with all of your missions, you certainly have a full plate.

I'm reflecting carefully on this question as the loss of friends, whether by a move, death, illness, job change or whatever, is inevitable. People just go in and out. And when dealing with MCI, Alzheimer's-Dementia, it's frightening, and leaves others in a conundrum about their own mortality. The loss for me is the dream together of our later years, and to where we had more time to be with our loved ones...the grandchildren....travel and do all those things we would be able to do if we were in good health. Caregiving is incredibly uncompromising, and tiring, but the gains are many if we look for them: For me, it's in the way my partner lights up in the morning when he sees me sitting at the PC. It's in the way he keeps telling me that I've done something good or that he's MY care partner. So, he rescues me at the grocery store, even with a broken umbrella, but the blessing? He remembered to take an umbrella. It's in the way we keep having evening discussions that draw us closer together and my realization to savor every moment, where he's still somewhat independent. His diagnosis last year of MCI was devastating, but the gain, for me, is getting closer to God. And closer to his angels - in the form of the good, caring people on this site. I don't know what I would have done if you all weren't here to share. Thanks for your thoughtful post @judimahoney
Best, Karla